I tend to hold onto things — from material possessions (like clothes that will ABSOLUTELY fit once I lose a couple more pounds) to grudges. Included in that is the partial obsession (yes, that’s probably an oxymoron) with people’s actions that I don’t like/agree with/can’t control.
You know… All the little stuff.
Two recent examples:
1. I’ve been trying to be more active, and have taken a couple of walks for exercise. Tim’s mom saw me coming back into the house and said it was a shame because we could have taken the walk together.
2. She also announced recently that she’s now doing two miles a day, up from one mile a week or two ago.
I should mention that she has COPD, two replaced knees and severe arthritis in her hip. She’s very reliant on her walker. So she can’t even keep up with my normal gait. Moreover, it’s unlikely that she jacked up her walking by 100% that quickly — let alone with the same number and length of walks.
When we go out to eat, she almost always gets her own plate of food. Which goes largely uneaten. She always declares that she’ll eat it as leftovers, but according to Marc, a decent amount of it stays in the fridge.
So… Why do those things matter?
Well, partially because I really need to work on letting stuff go. But there is, I believe, a more pressing issue.
I feel like my in-laws’ sense of reality is somewhat distorted, which tends to come back and bite them in le derriere. Pardon my French.
Fact is, this distortion had a large part in landing them in their current situation. Yes, so did health problems and a poor job market. But not as large a part as they would like to think. (Another distortion of reality.)
Examples of this abound but, frankly, took up too much room in this post (unless you guys wanted to read something about 1,200 words long).
So these little things worry/bother me because it makes me wonder whether anything will ever change.
We want them to have some small measure of financial stability/leeway. On a more selfish note, we’d like very much for them to get their own car within the next year. I’m a little antsy about one car supporting four peoples’ needs.
My therapist said that I need to let it go. Charge them an appropriate amount in rent and utilities. Beyond that, their money is their money.
Of course, now that hot weather is only a few months away, the issue of an air conditioner is rearing its head. The ones they’re looking at (portable, not window units) will run about $500. And they’ve already asked if we can put it on the credit card.
But as I write this I realize that they have 2-3 months (at least) to save up for it. And it’s a tad worrisome that this doesn’t even occur to them…
So, I’ll work on letting go, I suppose, if they will, too.