Things have been falling apart some around here.
It turns out that I managed to miss paying a few bills. Luckily, none of them generated late fees, but it was still pretty upsetting and stressful.
Speaking of which, I’ve been intermittently stalling out on the cooking front. I’m trying too hard not to repeat myself, and new recipes have lots of potential problems.
The recipes I have left seem daunting and have a lot of ingredients to buy. Plus I keep forgetting that not all slow cooker recipes can be done in 3-4 hours. I go to start a recipe at 2 p.m. and realize we’d be eating at 8 or 9. Then I have to scramble for a different meal idea.
And haste is not a good thing in the kitchen. My last two meal attempts flopped because I was in a rush.
In one, I didn’t bother to double check my memory of the clove-to-minced garlic conversion. It turns out that 1 clove is about one teaspoon, not 2.5 tablespoons. ‘Nuff said.
In the second, I plugged in a black cord — but not, apparently, the slow cooker’s black cord. About half an hour before dinner should’ve been ready, I found slightly-less-frozen chicken breasts in uncooked sauce.
In short, it’s been bad, and most of it is because of things I’ve flat-out failed to do. But for maybe the first time, I’m not beating myself up about it.
I’ve spent most of my adult life wondering when I’d become a real, capable adult. The answer? Somewhere between “never” and “already there.”
I’m finally starting to understand that no one has it together all the time. I mean, even Martha Stewart went to jail.
Those cool people who I consider “real” adults still have areas of their lives where they’re frantic and flailing. They just don’t talk about them because most of us don’t talk about the times we fall on our faces — unless we literally fall on our faces and there’s a bruise to explain.
The really smart people recognize their weaknesses/deficits/humanity and work around them. Like the dry erase board we have for bills… which, by and large, I really am getting much better about using.
And the smart and lucky people are able to pay someone else to help cover them: maid service, lawn care, prepared meals, personal trainers, etc.
Viewing the world like that, I can see myself in a much more forgiving light. I can finally just accept that I will always have these ups and downs. If I deny that, I push myself too hard and then feel shame when things still don’t work out. Whereas, if I accept and expect them I can (usually) minimize the fallout.
I take all the time and energy I would have spent hating and castigating myself and just get it done. Whether “it” is calling the company with a debit card and my account number, finding a frozen meal to heat up, or doing a hasty sweep of just the living room.
It’s rarely optimal. Sometimes it’s downright bad. But, as I’m learning, sometimes bad just has to be good enough.