I’m afraid there’s not much to report. The cramping is still coming and going, and the spotting is there most of the time I’m awake. I know cramping/spoting is normal to a point, but this is significantly more than two of the three prior miscarriages. And that’s only because the other one happened on its own, no D&C required.

I’m still taking the progesterone just in case. That said, I’ve got to lay off the heating pad. I’ve been using it for the cramps, not even thinking about the fact that it relaxes muscle tension. That may be what’s been keeping things at bay. If I am going to miscarry, I’d much rather it be spontaneous, so I can avoid more surgery.

I know this all sounds a little clinical on my end, but that’s just how my mind’s working. I feel like I should be feeling more, and there is sadness and anxiety. I get teary when I write these posts, especially the last one about wanting my mommy. But mainly the feelings are muted. Like I’ve been sitting on them, and they went to sleep. I suppose that’s resignation.

The good news is that my mom decided to stick around.

After writing Thursday’s post, I thought about asking her to stay. But it would mean another four days just to get to the ultrasound. And unless something happened spontaneously, it would be a couple of days to arrange a D&C, then recovery time. I know she wants to take care of me, but asking her to at least double her trip seemed a bit much.

But I guess she came to her own conclusions, probably after reading the post. Incidentally, I swear it was not a passive aggressive request, just kind of a train of thought I was following. I’m a little out of it these days, as you might imagine, so my brain has been more than happy to forge its own path randomly throughout the day. For example, yesterday I had an old song stuck in my head. After thinking for a moment, I realized it was “King of Wishful Thinking” by Fine Young Cannibals. A tad pointed, given my current situation. Apparently, my brain is both dark and dated. Who says I can’t multitask?

Anyway, Mom is now staying until January 9th. I was thrilled, but also worried about Tim feeling left and/or crowded out. He assured me that he didn’t mind and that it was clearly important for me to have her here. Multitudes of husband points. I really must make a list of valuable prizes he can trade them in for.

He also admitted that he wouldn’t mind a little backup this time through. He’s been a rock the last three times, but he was the only rock. It was hard on him, especially since he had his own feelings to deal with. For the record, he’s been great this past week too. He goes out whenever I need something, even when he doesn’t feel well himself. I need fewer things, though, when there’s someone to fix meals and snacks. So I guess he has a point about Mom being backup.

One small item of mirth: Despite doing so much for us and despite now making significantly less than us thanks to MSN cutting its writers, my mom keeps worrying about paying for things. Like when she has some pizza we ordered or her own meal when I sent Tim out for Thai food. Or at the store, when I lumped her items ($10 max) in with our groceries. I’ve started telling her to consider it terrible pay for being a maid and cook.

It’s good to (still) have her here.

 

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The (sorta) poor relation. | Surviving and Thriving
January 7, 2014 at 1:14 am

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Catseye December 28, 2013 at 11:11 am

I'm so glad your mom's there for you, Abby. I'll keep praying and sending out good thoughts.

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2 Donna Freedman December 28, 2013 at 11:22 am

I'm so glad I can be here, too. Now, about that raise….. ;-)

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3 Carolina Cooper December 28, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Prayers answered! I was hoping and praying that she would stay. I only know her from her writing, but her strong character and motherly instincts shine thorough and I THOUGHT that she would stay. Ah, and that amazing sense of humor….as shown in her above post. while you are in repose, Abby, maybe you can think of some creative and at the same time economical ways to "raise her pay."

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4 TLC December 28, 2013 at 1:14 pm

Having your Mom around during a rough time is the best medicine. I'm glad she was able to stay. My Mom passed away unexpectedly in 2011. I was an only child, we were very close.. talked 5x a day. Her passing left a big hole in my life. But I've learned that my Mom isn't the only person who loves me & is willing to help. I've had to learn to rely on myself (shocker! lol), my Dad (he let Mom handle the scary stuff, but not anymore), my boyfriend, and even friends. I feel like a bother, but then remind myself that people like to be needed. They care about me and want to help. But nonetheless, I sure do miss my Mom, especially during scary situations. Somehow, she made everything OK.

Sorry for my personal "rant." I do tend to interject my own opinions too much sometimes.

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Donna Freedman Reply:

My mom died in August 2003. I still miss her, especially at times like this.

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Donna Freedman Reply:

My mom died in August 2003. I still miss her, especially at times like this.

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5 2 Punk Dogs December 28, 2013 at 7:59 pm

Hoping everything goes well at the ultrasound and you're feeling better soon. Good luck!
Glad your mom was able to stay, she sounds awesome!

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6 lifeisfullofsunnydays December 28, 2013 at 10:10 pm

I'm glad your mom was able to stay. It will be good for all of you.

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7 Crystal @ PET December 28, 2013 at 11:37 pm

I'm so glad Donna is staying too. It sounded like you both wanted it. Yay for moms! Good luck, lady. And I personally think clinically too, so I think it's healthy. You can be excited/relieved/devastated later…right now, you can just do what you can do. You have every best wish that I can possibly send your way!

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8 Kat December 31, 2013 at 2:30 am

It is great that your mom is sticking around- no matter what the outcome is, sometimes there is something that only a mother's calming presence is required. You have been on a roller coaster of emotions surrounding a very sensitive topic. You are given tiny slivers of hope, and crushing news from doctors. In that kind of reality, having your mom there, along with Tim, and your in laws isn't just comfort- it's preservation of self.

You have had to accept your fatigue issues,and your limits, but this is something new. This is unknown, scary, and consumes your thoughts. Having people who can distract you, talk to you, and comfort you (no matter what)- that's a smart and safe choice. So, no matter what the news is, what medical science says- you have a loving husband, your mother for strength, and all of the good wishes we can send your way.

If it is the worst news? Please make sure to emphasize your wish for alternative options. If. There is any small comfort that can be offered, take it.

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9 Christina December 31, 2013 at 8:27 am

Dear Abby – I'm saying prayers for you and Tim that all this worry is for naught. I'm so glad that your mom is able to be there with you, too. The more support, the better!

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10 Funny about Money December 31, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Glad Donna is still here. I'm so sorry. The pregnancy goddess just doesn't seem to want to give you a break. Hope things go better this time..

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11 Karen January 2, 2014 at 2:26 pm

Hi Abby,
Your in my thoughts, woman. Big virtual hugs. Msg me on FB if you ever need to talk.
Take care!
Karen

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12 Rosa January 3, 2014 at 3:57 pm

So sorry, Abby, and for your husband too. I think scheduling the D&C is smart and I hope everything goes quickly. I'll be thinking of you.

As my friends try to conceive these last several years, there have been so many miscarriages. It makes me think that before hormonal birth control women must have been dealing with this – the sorrow, and the physical pain, and the uncertainty – all the time.

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