It’s been about a week since we saw the heartbeat, so I figured you might want an update.
The nausea receded some, which actually just left me paranoid more than comfortable. I kept settling myself down, but at this point it’s easy to get a little freaked out. But today the nausea came back, if not as strong as before. So everything’s probably fine.
Besides which, I’m still crying at the drop of a hat.
I mean, I’ve always been a bit of an easy target for stuff. Even when I know that a show or movie is yanking on my heartstrings — even when it’s done shoddily — I may still tear up. But these days it’s mostly just hopeless. If you think Torchwood season three is painful, try watching it with pregnancy hormones coursing through your veins. I was actively crying during a decent chunk of the last episode.
On a less funny side, I’m also really easily annoyed. I have very little patience and so am doing my best to hold back the brunt of my overall crabbiness. You’d have to ask Tim how well that effort is going. On second thought, don’t; I like the illusion that I’m coping somewhat well.
I just have to remember that, overall, the signs are good. But I keep getting nervous each time I’m not nauseated or crying. So these next four and a half weeks are going to be long.
I’ve been spending a lot of time just soothing myself when I start to feel tense with worry. I remind myself that there’s nothing I can do and that stress is bad for the baby. I also remind myself that I have decided this lil embryo is going to stick around to be born, so that’s that and clearly I can relax.
The nurse has decided that she’ll find some medical way to justify an ultrasound every two weeks to my insurance. Just to keep an eye on things. So next Thursday we’ll get another looksee into the ole uterus. Once we can see that the heartbeat’s still there — and it will be, dammit — maybe I’ll be calmer. Maybe.
Until then, I’ll just breathe deeply and try to distract myself with shows and movies. Preferably ones that don’t make me bawl. Or perhaps I should stick with those ones, so that I an be reassured hormones are clogging up my body. I’ll figure it out.