So the blood results are back. They’ve doubled.
And yet I’m scared.
Even if I hadn’t read Christina’s comment in my previous post, I’d be scared. Not scared for the embryo, like I have been in my previous problematic pregnancy cases. Actually scared for myself. A low-level panic attack is kind of constantly on the horizon.
And I don’t get scared about illness very often. Having been on life support for three months (lo these many years ago), I don’t spook easily. It takes a lot, in fact. I think the last time I felt this kind of low level panic was actually back when I had Guillain-Barre. When my uncle was getting ready to leave for work, and I realized I’d be in the house all alone, barely able to crawl the 10 feet to the bathroom.
Given how that turned out, I’m inclined to listen to my body.
So I asked the doctor to send me to a radiology lab — something with higher resolution. They’re convinced it won’t show anything new. (Apparently, it worked for Christina, but given the hormone levels she cited it sounds like she was further along in the development.) I don’t know if they’re just being underly cautious. That’s what my gut is telling me. But my gut has no medical degree.
What I do know is that some women don’t feel any pain until there’s a rupture and/or they start going into shock from, ya know, bleeding internally. I also know that I don’t burp, hence am incredibly gassy, hence am inundated with constant worry that turns out to be a gas bubble. At least, I think. Doesn’t help that I nearly puked trying to eat some peanut butter this morning (we’re kind of low on breakfast goods), so I don’t really have anything in my stomach so… extra gas.
So I want to know whether another doctor would think a radiology lab would be better able to see what’s going on. But there’s really no one I can think to call about this. Maybe another OB’s office but that feels weird. And I doubt they’d have any real input. Basically, I think a radiology lab would only be able to determine whether my uterus still appeared empty.
Still, I’m tempted to just go to the ER — hey, gas pains could be cramps — and see what their ultrasound tech finds. But two days after my last one? Doesn’t really feel like they’d find much. I just know that I have to do something. Because a blood draw tomorrow means waiting the weekend not knowing anything, feeling afraid and generally powerless. And that would be the second crappiest way I’ve spent our anniversary. (The second one being when I miscarried the day of.)
This is a jumble of thoughts and probably desperately needs editing, but instead I’m throwing it up now in case any of you have thoughts.
TLC says
I'm not familiar with these medical concerns, but I do agree you should trust your instincts. We know our bodies best!
Lizzy says
Oh sweetie, you need to do some breathing exercises and chill out! This amount of stress is bad for you and the fetus. Your levels are going up normally take comfort in that and wait the weekend. Could there be something wrong? Sure, but you could also get hit by a bus tomorrow and that's not the reason you don't leave your house. If you feel real pain then go to the ER but otherwise, right now you're making yourself sick.
AuntLeesie says
No offense intended towards Lizzy, but I agree with TLC. I don't understand doctors. Yours apparently mentioned the risk of an ectopic pregnancy, and then sends you home with "we'll keep running blood work, wait and see."???? Given your personal history with pregnancies??? Look, Abby, I know it's NOMB, but please, please, PLEASE find a doc who specializes in your OB issues. In the meantime, I vote for a trip to the ER. An ectopic pregnancy is very risky (as you know). Besides, you need to be able to get some rest. Pretty sure you won't be able to until you've had a better sonogram. Then ask the ER doctor (or better yet, nurse) who's the best "high risk" specialist in your area and make an appointment ASAP.
AuntLeesie says
There's a post waiting for approval, but Abby even if this is a *normal* pregnancy… even if it *isn't* ectopic… with your history it's critical to see a specialist ASAP. Especially the way the last miscarriage went. Particularly because there's a question of a problem now. Your mom would probably agree. A trip to the ER could get you that appointment quicker. The sooner a specialist is handling this pregnancy, the better for you and your health. Just a thought. And not said to make you more worried. Think of it this way… proactive steps now will help you to calm down sooner. Forget about the cost. That'll all work out. Do what you need to do.
Susan says
Hi Abby,
I had an ectopic pregnancy and there was definitely pain before I ruptured. The pain was dull in the beginning but constant – it did not let up at all. I'm glad you are seeking treatment before you rupture because that was hell. I'm holding my breath for you! I know it's hard but try to relax and do something fun to take your mind off the waiting. If you can't do that….begging your OB for more testing and/or information is always an option.
Linda says
Abby,
I know nothing about the topic, but do know I'm thinking of you. Do the best you can to relax.
Kat says
Hey, anxiety is normal in this situation. For anyone. That you have an underlying issue with it is no reason to not do what feels right to you. This is a scary situation, you have concerns, and it sounds like your doctor isn't explaining things to you in a way that gives you reassurance and a sense that they've got a plan for each contingency. You feel like you're in a big grey area, and monitoring blood numbers is one way of dealing with it, but you haven't had a chance to discuss other ways of dealing with the situation, and decide what's best for yourself. That tells me that you may want to call another doctor's office for a second opinion, not just because your scared, but to confirm your choices in whatever event happens.
I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. Please take care of yourself. Try nibbling on something slowly (probably something lower in fat, since it sounds like two big triggers were visible fat and peanut butter- which has high fat content).
jestjack says
IMHO…You control the things you can the best you can and deal with what you have no control. Never been pregnant but do know from "Dearest Wife" and her pregnancies…the two most important words…Folic Acid. You can get it from your multi vitamin…best to take it on a full stomach and ya can't start taking it soon enough in your pregnancy. If you can, try not to think too much….sometimes we all tend to analyze things just a little too much….I wish you well….