The title says it all, I think.

It looks like it stopped developing around a week ago. I realized I forgot to take baby aspirin this time, but I know that wasn’t it. Just like I’ve known for a few days something wasn’t right. I put it off to nerves and paranoia. I told myself it would all be fine. But I just stopped feeling a certain thing that I can’t even name.

When we got the news, I felt an immediate, overwhelming weariness. After I got dressed, I had a maybe 20-second bout of crying; but mainly I’m just too weary to be anything but numb with a slight underlying sadness somewhere in the murky depths.

I think this will probably be it for the attempts at a baby, but obviously today is not the day to make that decision. Or any decision, really.

I’m taking the rest of the day off. I may or may not take tomorrow off. It’d probably be difficult to be polite to customers, but it’s been that way already for awhile thanks to the pregnancy hormones. And last month was a short one, so we could use the money. But in the end, I’ll probably just end up opting for a four-day weekend.

Unfortunately, there’s no cramping or spotting. So we may have another long wait in store like last time. That said, not having to go under anesthesia (which always carries a risk) or have my uterus scraped clean — let alone paying $900ish for the privilege — means I’d really rather just try to let things happen naturally.

More news as (or if) anything develops. Which may be a poor choice of words, but you get my meaning.

 

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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Juliana June 5, 2014 at 10:20 am

Oh no Abby, I'm so, so, so sorry to hear this :( I've been checking so often for updates and I really, really wanted this to be it for you guys, you have been through so much. Words can't express how sorry I am for your loss :( Please take care of yourself.

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2 Revanche June 5, 2014 at 10:20 am

**huge hugs** I'm so very sorry to hear this.

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3 Erika June 5, 2014 at 10:23 am

I am so, so sorry to hear this news. Was rooting so hard for you guys.

You take the time you need to rest and grieve.

Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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4 Donna Freedman June 5, 2014 at 10:32 am

Jedi hugs to you, dearest daughter. I cannot adequately express how sorry I am.

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5 Catseye June 5, 2014 at 10:39 am

Abby, I'm so sorry.

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6 Linda June 5, 2014 at 10:40 am

I have no words for you except I care and am very sorry. Hugs to you and Tim.

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7 Cathy R June 5, 2014 at 10:44 am

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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8 Glenna June 5, 2014 at 10:50 am

I am so sorry to read this today.

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9 Mrs PoP June 5, 2014 at 10:54 am

*virtual hugs*

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10 imawindycitygal June 5, 2014 at 11:07 am

Condolences to you and Tim. Take that long weekend to rest and start the road to recovery.

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11 Diedra B June 5, 2014 at 11:10 am

I'm very sorry.

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12 Mrs. Short June 5, 2014 at 11:50 am

The news breaks my heart. I'm so very sorry Abby.

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13 lake livin' June 5, 2014 at 12:19 pm

Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry. I had a good feeling about this one and I know you did as well. I have no idea why this burden keeps being placed on you. It sucks. Big time. I'm sending huge hugs.

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14 Kat June 5, 2014 at 12:57 pm

I was very sad to read this. I am so sorry.

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15 Amanda June 5, 2014 at 12:59 pm

Prayers and good thoughts!

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16 mally June 5, 2014 at 2:12 pm

I am so sad to hear this. Take care of yourself.

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17 Christina June 5, 2014 at 3:52 pm

I am so so sorry…. Please take good care of yourself and the right decision will come in time.

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18 Susan June 5, 2014 at 4:16 pm

I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself and know that lots and lots of people support you. No having control of reproduction is sooooooooooo difficult. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers for a long time.

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19 AuntLeesie June 5, 2014 at 4:35 pm

What Susan and everyone else has said. :-(

And more cyber-hugs sent your way.

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20 Carol June 5, 2014 at 4:47 pm

I saw the title and said an appropriate expletive. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

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21 Rebecca June 5, 2014 at 5:06 pm

Oh no, I'm so sorry.

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22 Jackie June 5, 2014 at 5:34 pm

I am so sorry.. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but know I am thinking of you.

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23 Rosa June 5, 2014 at 6:00 pm

I'm so, so sorry.

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24 Deedee June 5, 2014 at 6:21 pm

I was at a conference today and when on break I checked facebook and saw this and it just plain knocked the stuffing out of me. I was really wanting this one to work for you guys. I am so sorry you have to go through this again Abby. My condolences to you and Tim. Not fair.

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25 Sherie June 5, 2014 at 7:15 pm

I am terribly sorry!! You and Tim are in my prayers…. Hugs!!

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26 debtdebs June 5, 2014 at 7:39 pm

Very sorry for your loss. That's not nice news at all. Thinking of you as you grieve.

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27 lifeisfullofsunnydays June 5, 2014 at 7:42 pm

I wish I had words right now that would make it all better. Sending healing thoughts your way.

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28 Marcia June 5, 2014 at 8:29 pm

I am so sorry Abby, you and Tim are in my thoughts and prayers.

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29 Jen June 5, 2014 at 10:03 pm

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I was so hopeful for you this time.
When you have yourself on a bit more sturdy ground, if you choose to do so and have not already, have yourself worked up by a Maternal-Fetal Medicine OB-GYN specialist for high-risk pregnancies. They may be able to detect something at the root of this all.

Regardless, again, so so sorry for your loss.

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30 Kat June 6, 2014 at 12:59 am

I'm so sorry.

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31 jestjack June 6, 2014 at 4:25 am

Can't tell you how sorry I am. You guys have certainly been thru the "ringer". Look forward to your return to the blog after some much deserved down time….

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32 Emily Guy Birken June 6, 2014 at 9:14 am

I'm so sorry. Take good care of yourself.

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33 Mary June 6, 2014 at 3:50 pm

<HUGS> I'm so very sorry for you & your family. Take time to rest. No need to hurry on any decisions.

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34 guest June 7, 2014 at 1:39 pm

My heart goes out to you and Tim. Do they have any idea why you cannot support a pregnancy? I know your health (and Tim's) is fragile–could that be the culprit?

Big hugs.

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35 Punkin Pye June 8, 2014 at 8:25 am

My heart goes out to you and Tim. Just know that we all love you and are with you in spirit. Take care of yourself.

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36 debthaven June 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm

I am just devastated for you and your families. This is my first post on your blog but I have been following you, and rooting for you, for a long while.

I think you have seen a genetic counselor before, but perhaps you need to return, or to find another one. I am older (your mom's age) and I had a friends with multiple miscarriages when we were all getting pregnant way back when. I have since lost touch with them but after 3 miscarriages, they went on to have children.

There must be a medical reason for it, but you have to continue to seek out the right person who can hopefully help you and Tim.

Personally, I would get a second opinion.

All the best to you.

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