The title says it all, I think.

It looks like it stopped developing around a week ago. I realized I forgot to take baby aspirin this time, but I know that wasn’t it. Just like I’ve known for a few days something wasn’t right. I put it off to nerves and paranoia. I told myself it would all be fine. But I just stopped feeling a certain thing that I can’t even name.

When we got the news, I felt an immediate, overwhelming weariness. After I got dressed, I had a maybe 20-second bout of crying; but mainly I’m just too weary to be anything but numb with a slight underlying sadness somewhere in the murky depths.

I think this will probably be it for the attempts at a baby, but obviously today is not the day to make that decision. Or any decision, really.

I’m taking the rest of the day off. I may or may not take tomorrow off. It’d probably be difficult to be polite to customers, but it’s been that way already for awhile thanks to the pregnancy hormones. And last month was a short one, so we could use the money. But in the end, I’ll probably just end up opting for a four-day weekend.

Unfortunately, there’s no cramping or spotting. So we may have another long wait in store like last time. That said, not having to go under anesthesia (which always carries a risk) or have my uterus scraped clean — let alone paying $900ish for the privilege — means I’d really rather just try to let things happen naturally.

More news as (or if) anything develops. Which may be a poor choice of words, but you get my meaning.

 

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