I know I’ve been falling down on posting over the weekends. I’m going to work on that. It’s just that I haven’t felt inspired lately. I need to get back on Twitter, which helps me see more blog posts and get ideas. But I’ve been busy with Swagbucks and general life stuff. And the appeal of lying on a couch watching TV versus actively going to look for things to bounce off of.
And so I write a post about my recent apathy.
Actually, I shouldn’t call it apathy. It’s far healthier than that. I’m actually learning to accept powerlessness.
In the past, I would fret over things I couldn’t control. I’d get angry, stressed and ultimately exhausted without making a dent because… powerless. These days, I’m getting better at just rolling with te punches because I’d rather conserve my energy for more positive things.
For example, my energy meds. Doctors keep denying me. In the past, I’ve railed against it. I’ve cried; I’ve been furious. And that got me absolutely nothing — except weariness. Now my attitude is just that I’ll keep trying until I find a doctor that will help me. I’ll probably be “wasting” a lot of $40 co-pays as I run through neurologists.
But if it’s that or nothing, then I’ll take my chances with doctors. Each one will either say yes or no. I have no control over that. I only have control over whether I continue my search or give up in defeat. I’d rather waste the money and work towards more quality time outside the house.
Similarly, we recently found out that Tim’s disability is up for review. He’s pretty sure his benefits will be stopped because he seems healthy now — but only because we removed most stress from his life. That’s hard to really explain as an abstract, though. Point being, he’s angry and stressed, which is actually causing some small breakouts.
My response? Well, either they’ll approve or deny the continuation of his benefits. If he’s denied, we’ll go to a disability lawyer. Apparently, you can even ask that your benefits continue during the appeals process. And being denied will almost certainly cause a bad breakout, in which case then we have a record with a dermatologist.
In my mind, this situation is akin to my trying to get energy meds. There are two possible outcomes: positive or negative. If the negative one happens, we have a plan. Meanwhile, we’ve done all we can to get the positive outcome. (We were very thorough in the Comments section, explaining how his multiple conditions — eczema, ADD, arthritis and COPD — all combine to make most work settings untenable. At least, the ones he qualifies for.)
To worry — and especially be angry — about what happens next does nothing for us. So I’ve chosen to be apathetic — or mentally healthy, depending on how you look at it.
How do you guys let go in these situations? Or do you let go at all?