The hematologist’s appointment was yesterday, and we didn’t get the answer we were looking for.
He said the blood tests came back within normal ranges. (Probably one of the few times I’ll ever be upset that my blood is healthy.) So he’s “not prepared” to diagnose me with Antiphospholipid Syndrome.
But he wants me to come back in three months to retest. At which point, I’ll already be pregnant, and it’ll be moot.
I’m somewhere between wanting to punch someone and breaking down crying.
So now we’re back to the reproductive endocrinologist. He’ll go over the fact that there are no facts to go over, and we’ll decide where to go from there.
The hematologist did say that the RE might still put me on blood thinners just to be safe. I really, really hope so. The idea of trying again with out any changes fills me with dread.
In that scenario, it just seems inevitable that I’ll have a sixth (and final) miscarriage. The others were awful, of course, but having the presence of a heartbeat — and subsequent lack thereof — was absolutely devastating.
I could always choose not to even bother, but there is something to be said for trying half a dozen times. And part of me just isn’t quite ready to give up on having a child.
There is still the idea of foster care, but right now I’m too stressed about the near future to consider whether that’s a route we want to pursue. It probably will be but… I just want to focus on what steps we can take this time around. And getting Tim’s teeth taken care of.
And yes, I know that having a baby will put a strain on our finances. At this point, the kiddo wouldn’t pop out until early 2016, at which point we should have paid all that off.
We’d still have to contend with maternity clothes, crib and specialist co-pays. Given my history, I’d probably be seeing them every two weeks at $30 a visit. But we can manage it.
For now I’ll just focus on getting an appointment with the endocrinologist and take it from there.