Hey, remember how I talked about our needing to save up $10,000 for Tim’s teeth? Yeah, turns out the new dentures will cost $11,000, not the $5,000 I projected.
Meaning we need to save another $15,000 by December.
In case that wasn’t disheartening enough, it looks like some medical expenses are going to increase.
Tim’s skin treatment (not covered by insurance) needs to be changed up. It’s gotten significantly less effective.The costs will go up by at least 200%. It could be as much as 400%, but it’s more likely that it’ll be 200-300%.
That very nearly negates the overtime I picked up.
If the changes work, there are some avenues we can investigate to try to lower the cost. But there’s no guarantees that it will definitely be cheaper, and it will take months to look into it.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t begrudge Tim the treatment. His entire body itches every second of the day. Anything that ameliorates that is worth it. But it just comes as the second part of a one-two punch.
And that right-left combo means we can’t have all of the money in time for the actual charge — even with a yearly bonus.
Oh, and did I mention that the toilet in the guest house broke? And it was a specialty size, so it cost $330.
I really didn’t miss this. The constantly thinking about money. I mean, I’m always thinking about money anyway. But for the past three or so years, it’s been annoyance about not putting away enough money.
Now it’s stress about how much we’ll still owe. And once it’s paid off, how the hell we can get ahead like I was hoping.
I had been dreaming of how, after this teeth debacle is over, we could use the extra money. We’d be able to max out a Roth and a SEP, put more on the mortgage and… whatever. Seems a lot less likely now.
I’m just disheartened overall: extra costs and less money. It doesn’t help that I’m weary. Yesterday was my last day of actual overtime, but there’s still the regular 40-hour week ahead of me.
Maybe I’ll feel better after a couple of days off.
Anyone else had a punch to the financial gut lately? Or give me some good new from your own life to cheer me up.
Punkin Pye says
Abby, if you don’t mind my asking, what type of treatment is Tim taking? I ask this because I have had eczema my whole life. When I was fifteen, it became so severe that it was debilitating and turned me into an invalid.
Please forgive me if we have discussed this before, but 7 1/2 years of dialysis has played hell on my memory. I know that I have mentioned it in my posts before. Has Tim every asked his doctor about immunosuppressants? Immunosuppressants gave me my life back. When I was first prescribed Immuran, it cost several hundred dollars a month. Now, 25 years later, it is very cheap because it is considered to be an “old” medication. It is $10 a month with my insurance coverage.
Abigail says
I’ll see if Tim is comfortable with immunosuppresants, but it does cause a whole other set of problems, I’d imagine. Still, it’s worth a discussion.
Honestly, he hasn’t been to a dermatologist in years. We’re going to request a referral when we see his new PCP.
The treatment is something he’s not comfortable with me discussing in detail on here.
Abigail says
By the way, you can email me directly if you want to know about the skin treatment.
Punkin Pye says
Oh, I also forgot to remind you that other posters have suggested having the dental work done in Mexico. I vaguely recall your mentioning having an issue with this, but I can’t remember what it was. Considering the numbers you are looking at, it might be something you want to revisit.
Abigail says
Yeah, I should probably seriously look at the numbers and such. There are a host of issues that would arise from that, but he’s kind of got a thing about finding someone he’s comfortable with. Can’t say as I blame him, of course.
I’ll put it on the list of things to check out. I just don’t think it would be tenable, though.
Lynda says
Before Mexico I would look into a Dental School at a University. If the cost were lower you could use points cards to help with hotels. A lot of Universities have cheaper accommodations if you are in treatment. If it is at a University with a dental school you know the treatment will be up to date.
Can Tim work at all Maybe pet sitting or looking after an older person a couple hours a week taking them to Dr. Appointments shopping etc maybe even house sitting /watching while people are on vacation, I do this in the summer pick up mail make sure everything is ok in the house wait for a/c to be tuned up etc… –could bring in some extra money
Abigail says
We don’t know anyone, so we wouldn’t know where to start with housesitting or general upkeep.
The basic running of errands thing sounds good, but this new medication will keep him from being able to drive at first. We’re not sure how it’ll go past that.
He can’t petsit because he has nasty allergies, including pets. Anytime he’s around new animals, he’s got a day or two of being stuffed up and extra itchy.
Dental schools won’t work with full sedation. Tim’s not comfortable with being awake for that. Also, they might do one or two implants, but they don’t do full-mouth sets.
Femme @ femmefrugality says
Honestly, we used a dental school a few times over the years and found the only difference to be that they’d accept payment plans while a regular dentist wouldn’t even see us without full payment. The price difference was none to negligible. May be different at different universities, but that was our experience.
I’ve been stuck in this chapter of the book before. I know it sounds crazy, but try to think less about money. Still be responsible. Still keep your nose to the the grindstone. But don’t forget the good things in your life as it is right now, and don’t compare your net worth or lack thereof. Especially hard when you’re a pf blogger, I know. But you can only do the best you can do in your situation and have faith that someday your diligence and hard work will pay off. Depression or malcontent can threaten to consume, but know that you are awesome, and that all these bumps in the road are unfair, but only a testament to what you can conquer long term, and do not define you as a money manager nonetheless a whole person/family.
Femme @ femmefrugality recently posted…Paying Estimated Quarterly Taxes: A Reflection
Abigail says
Thanks, I really did need that reminder. Hopefully, I can stick to that mindset.
Femme @ femmefrugality says
Shoot, girl, I know it’s hard. I’m rooting for you all the way, though.
Femme @ femmefrugality recently posted…Friday #Giveaway: The One-Page Financial Plan
Abigail says
Thanks! Moral support can do a surprising amount.
Kristin says
So sorry to hear about this…it always seems that just when one has things figured out, a wrench gets thrown in. You’re a smart cookie who is dedicated to financial responsibility – if there’s a solution to be found, I’m sure you can do it!
Abigail says
Yeah, unfortunately, I think the solution is to grin and bear it. We’ll just have to see how things go because… what other choice do we have?
Suzanne in VA says
You should get a wife of the year award! I hope you are cherished for all you do~
Abigail says
Good point! I should send Tim to a trophy shop!
Joss says
We are still chipping away at a new septic field we had to have installed last year to the tune of 11,300. Being dedicated to paying it off asap has been a struggle, especially with a layoff scare, but we are making headway with the help of a 0% balance transfer. Unlike some household stuff, septic field guys typically want cash upfront. Hang in there! P.S.- I know some people aren’t fans of Care Credit, but we were able to get an interest free time frame for my husband’s dental implant that was helpful.
Abigail says
Yeah, we’ll probably be going the care credit route to make up for the shortfall.
I can’t imagine how scary it would be to have that big a bill and then find out you might be laid off. Good for you for hanging in there!
lake livin' says
Big bummer, I’m sorry. My main concern is the even bigger burden and stress placed on YOU.
I know you said Tim is unable to work for a variety of reasons, but if there is anything he can take on to reduce your load, just say YES! (like selling something – does he have a collection? Or taking on chores that are normally yours?)
Also, he seems to be resistant to trying new things (such as treatment options) but sometimes something’s got to give, right? It’s not fair to dig in one’s heels when the burden is all on someone else. I think it’s a good idea he’s seeing a dermatologist after so many years. There may be new treatment options he’s never heard of.
Abigail says
Yeah, we can always hope there’s some new therapy or drug or something. I wish medicine would stop working on psoriasis and move on to eczema!
He’s doing pretty much all of the chores he’s physically able to. Maybe the orthopedist will be able to help him feel better, which could open him up to some new chores. But for the most part, we each do the bare minimum.
He bought his collections with his own fun money, so I don’t feel comfortable asking him to give them up. Besides, there isn’t an obvious secondary market for most of what he buys. The bulk of which have been things like graphic novels, t-shirts and occasionally a collectible.
Linda says
You’ve written before about how Tim is not a fan of dentists (to say the least), so it’s understandable why you’re reluctant to look into some of the other options people have mentioned.
Just take a deep breath and try not to schedule anything for those days off you have coming up. It sounds like you need some total veg time to de-stress. Then you’ll be back to your usual scrappy self, figuring out a way to pull it all off with minimal financial damage.
Linda recently posted…(Not so) briefly
Abigail says
Yep, that sounds about right. I plan on avoiding any chores this coming weekend. I probably will avoid actually leaving the house, to be honest. Just a weekend of watching TV, maybe some reading and probably some drinking. After all, Keeping up with the Kardashians season 9 just came out on Hulu. We do love that drinking game!
Thanks for your support. Sometimes I just need to hear/read the words.
Linda says
Not to sound mean or anything, but life isn’t all about what Tim feels comfortable with. You’re working your butt off working and trying to figure out how to get the money he needs for his teeth, he could at least consider treatment in Mexico. It’s much cheaper and quite a few full-time RVing bloggers have posted about the excellent treatment they have gotten there. A question or two on RV forums would probably get you all kinds of recommendations for dentists. Please take care of yourself and remember your husband is a big boy. Let him worry about things for a change, it shouldn’t all be on you.
lake livin' says
If I could like this a million times, I would!!
Maybe it’s just the way it comes across, but it seems like it’s often about placating him or not making him go outside his comfort zone.
You say you both do your share of chores, but you also work a full-time job (and lots of overtime) and are the one that appears to do all the research, pay the bills, etc. What exactly does Tim do all day that he can’t take on some more responsibility?
Your response to my comment above about him possibly selling some of his collection (if he had one) was to say “it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to do that” because he bought it with his own fun money. Well, cry me a river, but he’s a grown man not a teenager camped out in his parents’ basement. They’re HIS teeth and HIS skin – he should be offering to contribute whatever he can to help make up the cost difference. He should offer to give up his fun money for the next X months until the expenses are paid (can’t remember if that is already part of the original denture savings plan or not). You are doing your part, he needs to do his. Again, maybe I’m wrong, but he comes across as a petulant child that crosses his arms, shakes his head, and says “nope” to any ideas you put forth to creatively solve the problem.
Abigail says
Then I haven’t done him proper service. He does all of the chores that he can physically manage. We’ve had arguments about this, and he has convinced me that he is not able to do the ones that I’m responsible for. Once we can finally see orthopedist and get some help from that arena, maybe he can get to a point of less pain and more mobility, which would let him do dishes.
Tim is starting to pay the bills other than the credit card. It’s a slow transfer, but it is happening.
If he truly comes off a petulant child, then I need to rethink how I frame things. We certainly disagree about certain issues, but he’s not a child.
Also… whatever happened to marriage? Why does it matter if it’s his teeth and skin? We’re partners. Yes, I’m the one working. But when he had the job and I was the one on disability, he never begrudged me my medication and other procedures just because it was *my* condition and put a burden on us financially.
Hell, if it were up to him, we wouldn’t do this teeth thing for years. I’m the one who is insisting we get it done sooner rather than later because the longer you wait, the more the bone atrophies.
I’m sorry if I come off as irritable, but wow you guys. Wow.
Donna Freedman says
Yep. Try to imagine that this were Tim’s blog and he wrote, “I don’t know why Abby is being so picky about having metal rods drilled into her jawbone. I mean, jeez, I’m the one with the job and she stays at home on disability. If basically I’m paying for almost everything in our life together then she ought to do what’s the most affordable thing.”
Be honest: Would naysayers be QUITE as quick to say nay? Or would you think, “Dude, seriously, this is your wife and she’s sick. Why aren’t you more concerned about her comforts and her needs?”
Although society has changed somewhat, we still tend to judge men much more harshly than women when it comes to work and “fair” contribution to the marriage. Heck, I know of guys who pay more of their share of the household stuff even though their wives make the same (or more!) than they do. And where does her “extra” money go? For stuff she wants — hobbies, lunches with friends, shopping expeditions and the like. The guys, meanwhile, think that’s just the way life is: Men were put on this Earth to support women financially, whereas women have the option of contributing what they think is fair.
If it were Abby still on disability and Tim working, I have a feeling people would not criticize her insistence on, say, seeing a neurologist who specialized in her area of illness vs. just going to the free public clinic. Or, maybe, a neurologist in Mexico.
Myself, I think having that work done in Mexico would be a mistake. If an infection or some other complication were to develop, would they want to drive all the way back there again, especially since Abby works from home and would have to take more time off?
Tim is not being petulant. He’s requesting that his needs be met in a way with which he’s comfortable. As Abby notes, when SHE was the one who wasn’t working and fretted about the cost of her medical care, Tim considered it his cherished duty to pick up the slack. That’s what partnership and marriage are all about: thinking about the other person.
lake livin' says
Of course marriage is a two-way street – that is why I made the comment! No one is saying Tim shouldn’t get the care he needs; rather I’m saying that (based on what I read) you seem to carry the burden. Not just earning the money (he’s on disability, I get that) but the burden to solve the problems always seems to be on you. You have health problems, too. It just seems like you pick up way more slack and I feel it is a reasonable question to ask if Tim is truly doing all he can do/contributing all he can. If he is unable to assist in any way financially (and by that, I don’t necessarily mean getting a job, but selling stuff, researching deals, clipping coupons, etc.) or by assisting more with other household duties. It sounds like the answer is no.
Re: my reference to a petulant child, I am a SAHM of two young children (and continue to work a few hours per month for my employer) . It seems like, regardless of the topic (food, health treatments, car shopping) a lot of the suggestions (and yes, they are only suggestions) are met with “we can’t do that because Tim isn’t comfortable, wouldn’t like it, has a thing against etc.) and sometimes there doesn’t seem to be a logical or rational reason to not even look into, just an automatic NO!”
Anyway, it certainly isn’t my intention to upset you. I only know of your family based on this blog. He does seem to be a very good emotional support to you when you’re upset. But, you seem to do the lion’s share in your home and it’s not like your without your own limitations. That can eventually breed resentment.
Best of luck to you both.
lake livin' says
Another note, as I mentioned, I am a SAHM mom to two young children, although I do work a few hours a month from home. My husband earns virtually all of the income. He also does all of the yardwork. I do the indoor chores, most of the cooking, pay bills, etc. I handle kids when he’s away and we tag-team when he’s home. Point is, if we had a major expense coming up (especially if it were for me), I would try and do what I could to reduce the burden on my husband if it meant he were getting overly stressed from the situation. I would have no problem saying “hey, let’s skip our fun money for the next few months” or “what can I do to help? ” Even if it is just making his favorite meal, rubbing his back, or leaving sweet notes of appreciation. So, that is what I am not “seeing” when I read this – the feeling that it was a team effort, not just “another problem for Abby to solve.” And trust me, if you all do become parents one day (hopefully!), your patience and understanding will quickly go out the window if you feel like you’re the only one who had items added to their daily to-do list.
Abigail says
No, life isn’t about what Tim feels comfortable with. But having someone drill into his body and leave things there… that IS an issue of what he’s comfortable with.
I know you didn’t mean to offend, but suggesting that someone change his or her comfort levels for a major operation is a bit thoughtless.
I know you guys are just trying to help and support me, as does Tim. But that doesn’t make it hurt less when you guys say these kinds of things.
Again, I know you didn’t mean it as such. Just remember that he does read the blog — and the comments.
Kristin says
As a divorce lawyer who has now been married for 7.5 years herself, I think it is dangerous to make presumptions about other people’s marriages. No one really knows what goes on in other people’s relationships. I am sure the same things people are saying about Tim could be said about my husband, from the outside. What people may not realize is that I am a control freak, and we both know it’s better for me to handle anything financial, since his method of “handling” things often resembles an ostrich’s techniques.
And of course Abby comes off as irritated. Wouldn’t you be if you and your spouse just found out you needed to come up with several thousand dollars more than you anticipated?
Abigail says
Thank you for your insight Kristin. Tim really appreciates it too.
Kat says
if you’re considering looking into treatments at dental schools, or in Mexico, it sounds like you’re willing to travel if you can get exactly what’s needed in an affordable manner that Tim is comfortable with. So what about looking at really great universities with dental schools attached? A number of them do sedation on mouth restoration, and have very reasonable prices. They even take dental insurance.
Yes, you’re facing the familiarity issue, but maybe Tim could become comfortable with phone appointments that the doctor could use to go through X-rays and treatment plans. They may even be able to work out a treatment plan that helped get the set up work done locally (I know I needed a bone graft before my implant), and then you’d only need to travel for the big expensive parts of the restoration.
Abigail says
Hmmm, I’ll talk about it with Tim. On this, he may not want students (although I know supervisors watch them closely). Also, what *kind* of sedation: conscious or full.
That said, I’ll do some searching and discuss it with Tim.
Kat says
Okay, worry #1- Tim’s level of restoration isn’t usually handled by students. Instead it’s handled by faculty to demonstrate techniques used in similar instances.
Worry #2- for the level of restoration Tim is facing, you should easily find a school that offers full sedation.
I’m really hoping the study in Alberta bears fruit- they’re having some very good results with a small sound emitting chip that you use for 20 minutes a day. Apparently, over the course of a year, it allows a tooth with a compromised root rejuvenate and regrow. It would definitely be nice to ditch the crowns and go for sealed natural teeth again.
Last suggestion- to help Tim discuss dental related matters, he might want to consider a mild dose of Antianxiety medication. It helped me to relax enough that I could deal with my doctor. That meant I was able to give full and honest answers, ask questions I might not have, and generally made the experience better for everyone involved.
Abigail says
Well, it’s not anxiety so much as pain/discomfort response. He’s gotten a lot better at taming it. And to be fair, the one dentist was just being unnecessarily rough and kind of dismissive when Tim made some protesting noise before the pain actually hit.
Anyway, I’ll at least investigate the dental school. If it’s done by faculty, he might be a little calmer about it.
So far I’ve done a search for “dental school” and “full sedation” and come up with nothing. I’ll have to try to figure out some other search phrases.
Susan says
Hi Abby,
My heart goes out to you two – you are definitely in a tight spot right now. I would encourage Tim to see an MD about the itching. As a lifelong sufferer of eczema I have experienced several times where drugs were needed to get it under control and then start again on the skin treatments. At times, I have had something in addition to the eczema that couldn’t be recognized without a biopsy. Also, for what it is worth, I have had great luck with Cavilon lotion. It is a 3M product sold to hospitals but it is readily available online. There are varying prices, but don’t spend over $15 for 16 oz. It is a good weight and doesn’t have a buildup that contributes to the itching. It also isn’t aggravated by heat.
Good luck!
Abigail says
Yeah, Tim is very familiar with drugs to get flare-ups under control. Happily, due to the climate here and our lifestyle, he hasn’t had a major flare-up in years and years. He used to pretty much live as one big flare-up.
But as you know as an eczema sufferer, just because there’s no flare-up doesn’t mean there isn’t itching. And unlike a lot of people, he has the condition over his entire body. Blech.
I haven’t heard of Cavilon lotion. We’re about to run out of the stuff he loves that got discontinued, so I’ll have to check that out. Thanks for the words of support and the suggestion!
DC @ Young Adult Money says
I’m so sorry to hear about the bad news you’ve been experiencing. As Susan suggested, I think there has to be some other solution to the skin issue. I’m assuming he’s visited a number of physicians about it? I’m surprised the insurance company isn’t covering the skin treatment. The only reason I really hear of insurance companies not covering something (and I’m assuming by “not covering” you mean not applicable to your deductible?) unless there’s a more effective treatment available. Full disclosure: I work for a health insurance company and these opinions are my own.
Have you heard of Melaleuca’s Renu lotion? I’m not currently enrolled in Melaleuca, but I know that it’s the only lotion that’s really helped with my wife’s eczema. If you’re interested in it shoot me an email and I can help you get some.
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted…Would You Take a Pay Cut for Your Dream Job?
Abigail says
We’re going to see a dermatologist to make sure no new advancements have been made. But he’s been seeing doctors nearly constantly since he was born. Literally. He was born rashed-up over his whole body.
Unfortunately, there’s no actual solution for eczema. They can treat flare-ups with hydrocortisone-type stuff and tell you to take oatmeal baths. But that just treats the obvious symptoms.
As I’m sure you know from having a wife with it, the rash doesn’t mean that it just started itching. It means that the person is extra stressed or was just scratching. The itch is constant. And Tim has it over every square inch of his body.
The best we can do is keep him lotioned up and use the only treatment we’ve found that quiets his skin down some. Unfortunately, the treatment is an alternative therapy, and it’s not something insurance companies cover.
So we make do.
Anyway, I will definitely check out the lotion you mentioned. We’re about to run out of the lotion he loves (and was discontinued) so we’ll be casting around for a new product soon. Thanks!
Kim@Eyesonthedollar says
I wish you the best of luck and hope this all passes as smoothly as possible. I don’t think many of the commenters know just how difficult of a procedure dental implants can be. I don’t work on teeth, but have seen many people try to go cheap in one way or another with eye surgeries and get burned in a major way. I think you need to find a doctor you are comfortable and who will do a great job. Cost is not the main focus for for major medical procedures.
Kim@Eyesonthedollar recently posted…Northern California Highlights
Abigail says
Yeah, that’s pretty much Tim’s attitude to. And it’s hard to argue with it when it comes to a loved one.
Practical Parsimony says
My back itches all the time. So, did my father’s! It is just ME! No one can find why. However, I think Tim should try an elimination diet for allergies. There are foods that cause orthopedic products. Maybe you can find a common cause for both of these.
Have him give up fast food, cokes, all sorts of things that have preservatives. Okay, I call all carbonated beverages “Coke.” Cleaning up his dies will probably work. Look up which foods cause inflammation. He will probably object.
You do defer to what Tim wants. You do solve all the problems. Some people are better problem solvers. I am an excellent problem solver. My husband was not. But, he knew he did not have to work at solving anything because he knew I could do it. Throwing up his hands in defeat was his way of dealing with anything.
He left lots of the physical work to me. In 14 years of our marriage, he never learned to fold down the top of a box with four flaps so it stayed closed. But, we moved nine times in ten years, so he watched me pack and fold down box tops. He would say, “But, you can do it so much better than I can.” I told people I had four children. People who knew me were shocked because they knew me well enough to know I drove around three children. My response: ” gave birth to three and mil gave birth to the other. The ones I bore are coming along fine, but mil’s child is still behind because it is easier.”
For years I made excuses, trying to be a good wife. Finally, I could bear it no more.
University of TN–UT–has an excellent dental school. You might find one closer to you, but I know this one has an excellent reputation.
Does the dentist want him awake for the dental surgery? You said he did not want to give Tim full anesthesia, right? There is the “twilight” anesthesia like for childbirth and colonoscopy–Tim will not know anything!
As for doing housework, do ten minutes each day and you won’t have to do anything on the weekend. I cannot stand for over ten minutes in the kitchen. If I do, I must lie down.
Abigail says
No it’s Tim that doesn’t want to be awake for the surgery. And some dentists won’t do full sedation. Dental schools rarely will as I understand it.
As for foods, Tim has done elimination diets on several occasions. It never produced any answers. And besides, cutting out preservatives is simply not an option for either of us. Also, he already cut out soda recently.
jestjack says
MAN…”When it rains … it pours…”…. This eczema is serious stuff…DW was just diagnosed and it appears has suffered with it for years. And despite going to plenty of Docs…nobody picked it … The crazy thing is each person is different and some things work and some things don’t. I would definitely go to the dermatologist. DW’s ailment was cleared up with a $4 application medicine that came in a tube…The important thing, I’m told is to find what the ‘trigger” is for the eczema….Good Luck….
Abigail says
Triggers are generally stress and environment. Tim’s case is so severe that the doctors had no trouble recognizing it was eczema from the get-go. So that’s something, I guess.
We are asking for a referral to a dermatologist once we see Tim’s new PCP.
Maybe they’ll have a brilliant new idea, but as far as we know there haven’t been any advancements in eczema treatments other than hydrocortisone-type meds and antihistamines. And he’s allergic to Benadryl (which every doctor feels the need to point out the irony of). He’s tried other ones too, but he quickly builds up a tolerance level. Sigh.
Practical Parsimony says
There is full sedation and twilight sedation as I understand. Am I right? Believe me, I had a tube down my throat with twilight sedation. I knew nothing. So, I would say he will be out like a light. If he knew how “out” he will be, I think he might be more receptive.
My father went into the hospital, his first time ever, at the age of 55 and had a cyst removed from his behind, on the spine area and low on his back. It had been infected all my life. When he had the teeth removed and the attendant infection plus the cyst, his itching on his feet, hands, and legs and arms ceased. However, neither of us were able to stop the back itching. Obviously, I don’t have the type problem he does, but my itching drives me wild some days. Some days I can barely think. I am NOT trying to say I know his problem and pain.
I knew a couple who had every tooth in their heads removed. Then, later they had the little metal stubs put in their mouths. The next step was having the teeth attached for a full mouth of implants. So, the full mouth implant route is an option here.
Is it possible he can have some teeth removed and have some implants?
I read the posts below this. If I thought removing gluten would stop my itching, I would do it immediately. When I went to the dermatologist when I was 21, the doctor said, “You were not meant to live in this world.” Last year, I went to a dermatologist and things are not much better. I am also allergic to beef!
I don’t resent your making money to pay his medical bills at all. Explain to him that the kind of sedation he is going to have. He will know nothing, I promise.
Practical Parsimony recently posted…I Found It
Abigail says
Tim doesn’t have any teeth. He already went through the complete tooth removal process.
He inherited a calcium deficiency from his mom. Then he was born with severe eczema and asthma that never really let us. So he was on steroids for a lot of his life. By high school, his teeth were breaking off. Pretty soon, even spaghetti could do it.
The year we got married, it was so bad that he couldn’t eat solids. So we took him to an oral surgeon and he got everything out. He’s been wearing dentures ever since.
Now it’s time to put the implants in there.
I’ve done a gluten-free diet before, and it’s incredibly tough to maintain. It’s just not a realistic option for us given the problems we already have feeding ourselves.
Besides, elimination diets are such that you begin with no gluten whatsoever thanks to the limited food. At first, as I recall, you can only have broth or something else ridiculously simple. Since no foods appeared to help/hurt his eczema in the multiple elimination diets he went through, I think we can safely rule out gluten.
LindaT says
My husband suffers from eczema/itching. Luckily it’s just a few areas usually. But those few areas are bad enough. I can’t imagine suffering with itching all over. We’ve tried umpteen over-the-counter creams. Some kind of work; most don’t. My husband has a few allergies, mostly to pine which according to her dermatologist is involved with artificial flavorings.
He started taking Yakult, which is a nonfat probiotic drink. My daughter had recommended it for stomach problems. Bur after taking it awhile, he found it helped with his itching. It might be worth a try for Tim.
Abigail says
Hmmm I’ll definitely mention it to him. I think that’s one of the few things we haven’t tried yet.
Catseye says
That is so crappy that Tim’s dental work will be even more expensive than you originally thought. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.
I wish I had some advice regarding his eczema, but I know very little about the condition. Tim has so many medical conditions, makes me grateful I only have mild asthma and diabetes 2.
Abigail says
“Only.” It’s okay that you don’t have advice. By and large, he’s tried everything in his 36 years. Like I said, we’ll try to get him a referral to a dermatologist in case there are any other ideas. But we’re not optimistic.
kathy says
My heart breaks for Tim! My husband was diagnosed with something called determitis herpetiformis (sp). He said it felt like his skin was crawling. They thought that it was eczema, but this nasty thing had to do with gluten. It took him months to finally clear his body, but he is doing fine now. Not saying Tim has this, but I know how horrible the itching was for my husband. It was awful. He was on topical and injections. Also know about the insurance not paying for treatments, especially when they help. Just horrible. Praying for Tim and for you..
Abigail says
Yeah, Tim has said sometimes that it feels like his skin is trying to crawl off his body. Ugh.
I’m allergic to some of the mosquitoes down here, and I get nasty bites that radiate pain and itching. Just one or two of those is enough to keep me from being able to focus and wanting to go cry. So I have no idea how he’s not in a corner rocking back and forth.
I’m glad that removing gluten has helped your husband. I hope he gets more comfortable now.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach says
I’m so sorry to hear that. Have you looked into dental schools? I’ sure other commenters probably mentioned that too.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Bye Bye Love!
Abigail says
Apparently, dental schools are a better option than I thought. So I’m going to cast around a bit. But in the end, wouldn’t you want the best care for something this major? I know they give perfectly good care but… Anyway, I’m going to consider all options (except dental tourism).
middle class says
I’m late to comment but I agree that if roles were reversed and Tim was working to get $15,000 for his wife’s health needs, no one would have a problem with this.
Best of luck to both!
Abigail says
Thank you. Tim says thank you, too. He’s a little emotionally beat up by this whole comment thread.
EL @ Moneywatch101 says
That is bad news and I know you will find a way to solve the problem. Life has its up and downs, and sometimes you cant prepare for things 100%. If it helps I know Roth IRA’s can be used as an emergency fund where you can take out contributions. This will help you to avoid adding on new debt for the medical costs. Best of luck going forward.
EL @ Moneywatch101 recently posted…Reasons you need an Emergency Fund
Abigail says
Yeah, but our IRAs are low enough that I don’t think I want to go that route. Not when we can get 0% from Care Credit or a new credit card or something.
That said, yes it’s nice to know the option is there.
Christina @ Embracing Simple says
What a bummer, I’m sorry to hear about all of the unexpected expenses that have come your way. You’ll get through this stronger as a result though!
Christina @ Embracing Simple recently posted…Ways to Be Fully Present
Abigail says
As a friend of mine once said, “I know hard times build character, but at this point, I’ve got enough characters for a play.”
Thanks for commenting!
Punkin Pye says
Okay, I just have to put my two cents in. Sorry if this is a little long, but I’m writing this with tears in my eyes..
I think some readers have gotten the impression that Abby is carrying more than her share in the marriage by simply reading her blog posts and not fully understanding what Tim is having to live with so, I do want to cut them some slack. As I mentioned before, I believe I know what Tim is going through. These posters are concerned about Abby and mean well, but getting people to truly comprehend how completely debilitating this condition can be has been a surrealistic nightmare for me.
People have frequently marveled at how stoic I seem to be in the face of 17 years of kidney failure and dialysis. I just have to laugh because the only reason I endure dialysis so well is because I have been through much, much worse. I am convinced that the type of profound skin disease that Tim and I have both experienced is quite simply a taste of hell on earth. If Tim is contributing ANYTHING in the way of chores, then he is a far, far better person than I ever was. On top of this, it appears that Tim has other health challenges besides his skin.
For twenty years, suicide was never far from my mind. At one point, I drove my car over 120 miles an hour from Austin to Dallas hoping to get into an accident that would end the suffering. I believe God was watching over me because I could have killed myself as well as other innocent people. The agony had finally pushed me over the edge. When I got home, my frightened family convinced me to check myself into a mental health facility. The medical director had the good sense to call the best dermatologist in the city. That’s how I was able to finally meet the doctor who could help me and finally release me from this living nightmare.
The other thing that was so very hard for others to understand is why, up till then, I had given up on going to doctors just as Tim has. There comes a point where you just can’t take the heartbreak, disappointment, or frustration anymore. The doctors I saw simply had nothing to offer me other that the usual rounds of cortisone creams, UV light treatments, and when I was in seriously bad shape, steroids pills.
Then there were the doctors who actually caused serious physical and or psychological damage, There was the quack who gave me monthly cortisone shots starting at the age of thirteen, never telling my family what he was shooting me up with or explaining what the possible side effects or risks were. Oh yeah, he also criticized me for gaining weight. There was the doctor who informed my parents that this condition was “all in my head” and they should just ignore me. And then, there was the callous doctor who, when I was hospitalized at sixteen, brought his medical students into my room without warning or permission so that they could observe my “lizard like appearance”.
I know that many readers here are also readers of Donna’s blog and therefore respect and trust her judgement. Donna is actually there to experience Tim and Abby’s situation firsthand. I don’t believe that she would come to Tim’s defense if she felt he was taking advantage of Abby. After all, she loves Abby more than any of us do.
The last piece of advice I would like to give Abby and Tim is, “Don’t give up”. I guarantee you that all doctors are not created equal. Call Dr. James Herndon at 214 739 5821 in Dallas and ask his office staff if there are any doctors in your area that he can recommend. Hopefully there will be someone that your insurance will cover. If your insurance won’t cover the recommended doctor, then perhaps you can invest in a one time consultation where you can get some treatment options to take back to your in network doctor.
Abigail says
Wow, Punkin. Thank you so much. Tim really needed to hear this, and we both got kind of teary.
It takes a lot to share that kind of pain and suffering, so I really appreciate you contributing your experience. I think you’re right and most people just don’t understand.
Also, you should try to remember the name of the hospital doctor oh so many years ago. I think Tim would like to fly out and beat him up.
Punkin Pye says
LOL.
Funny about Money says
Oh dear. There must be some sort of black cloud over the Valley of the We-Do-Mean Sun. Hereabouts, the plumber’s up on a ladder right now…a shade over $800 for the new water heater; if you have to ask how much to install it and to figure out what the mystery lines are and to figure out what the valve that broke when he touched it does, you can’t afford it. And that’s only one of the two or three things a day that have gone awry over the past week or so.
You have pursued second and third opinions about the dental issues, right? If not, email me and I’ll share my dentist’s name: guaranteed not to rip you off. Can’t hurt to ask.
Also…I think Midwestern University has a dental program; if you’re feeling a little brave, you could see if they would do some of the work, maybe the stuff that’s not rock-bottom crucial, for a little less $$.
I’m so sorry to hear Tim is suffering. I hope things turn around for him soon.
Funny about Money recently posted…What Do Surveys Survey?
Abigail says
Yeah, we had the water heater break in early December. This month, it was a new (specialty size) toilet for the guest house.
Grumble grumble.