I watched Seeking a Friend for the End of the World last night.
(Incidentally, do not watch an end-of-the-world movie right before bedtime. When you wake up in the middle of the night, you’ll start pondering things that make it hard to go to back to sleep.)
It reminded me of a recent Facebook post by someone I know.
It was a bit rambling, since it was in the form of a very short story. But the gist was that:
- He used to spend a lot of money at strip clubs
- A lot of money
- He feels a little bad about how much he used to spend
- He still doesn’t save, but now he spends on travel, etc.
One bit of this post really caught my frugal eye:
“Still not saving for the future, though. What if I get hit by a comet tomorrow? All that hypothetical money I’d have saved would have done me no good. If I get hit by a comet tomorrow, at least the last thought I’ll have is, ‘Man, I’m glad I bought those Spanish olive oil tortas last night and shared them with friends– *comet*,’ instead of, “Well, that $6.50 I saved by not enjoying food is going to do me a fat load of good right now, isn’t it– *comet*.'”
Definitely funny. But… you’re not gonna get hit by a comet. Or a meteor.
It’s highly unlikely (about one in 500,000) that you’ll be zapped by lightning — and you could very well live to tell the tale anyway.
You probably also won’t die in a plane crash or even a car accident. The chances of a 30-something, even a heavyset one, having a heart attack aren’t that high either.
No, more than likely he’ll live at least into his 60s or even well into retirement. At that point, he will live to regret those tortas — or, at least, the cumulative effect of the torta mindset.
Don’t get me wrong, travel is great. If your options are to throw money at strippers or into travel, I’d definitely advocate the latter. Not that I judge strip club patrons. I’ve been to one myself, and it was quite the experience.
But those aren’t his only two options. There are plenty of others. Most notably, contribute to a vacation fund, but also to crazy things like a house fund or retirement. Or how about trying out different rewards credit cards like Holly over at Club Thrifty?
It aggravates me that this perfectly sensible, smart guy is so complacent. That he’s okay spending money on anything so that he doesn’t regret everything.
Also, why does saving for the future exclude tortas?
I guess people still think that frugality — or even just saving for the future — is an all-or-nothing venture. That’s just depressing.
I thought, perhaps naively, that the recession made people realize that you can enjoy life without giving up all indulgences. If they did learn that lesson, most have already forgotten it. Even as people say the economy still hasn’t recovered.
I didn’t realize how pervasive this trend was, until Cashville Skyline’s recent post. It made me realize that frugality hype may be everywhere, but people, by and large, aren’t practicing it.
As Cashville pointed out, frugality is even in reality show form now. But how often do you watch Real Housewives or Kardashians and throw tables, day drink or buy a Bentley?
No, these things get watched more in horrified fascination than actual inspiration. I know I couldn’t handle watching Extreme Couponers.
These shows are hurting the frugal cause more than helping it. They mock people who are working very hard — if perhaps a tad too manically — to save money. And they also reinforce the idea that you have to be rabid to be money-conscious.
No wonder people think that you can either have a retirement account or a specialty food.
Do you ever run into this kind of weird rationalization? Have you ever been the one spouting it?
Revanche says
I’ve heard it a lot and my response has always been easy. Which will you regret more?: saving money when you get hit by that hypothetical comet or living well beyond your means and refusing to save into your 80s more when you don’t get hit by one?
If I’m going to die suddenly and unexpectedly one day, I’m quite certain that I won’t have time to be glad that I spent all my money instead of saving it. Also, I’ll be dead so my regrets will mean nothing. A long poor decline into retirement with no money, though, that leaves plenty of time for regret.
It’s like all those End of the World cultists. Sure, it could all be over tomorrow. But wouldn’t it suck for you if it’s not?
Revanche recently posted…Estate planning (ICE): will and trust
Kate @ Cashville Skyline says
Great post, Abigail. I’m with you. And thanks so much for mentioning my post!
Kate @ Cashville Skyline recently posted…If We’re So Fascinated by Frugality, Why Aren’t We Saving?
Bryan@Just One More Year says
I go through variations of this dilemma of getting hit by a comet or living to be 100 years old. Do I live life to the fullest now or put off to tomorrow and hope it does comes.
Yes, I actually do spout this stuff out! You might find my YOLO post today interesting…… 🙂
Bryan@Just One More Year recently posted…YOLO: You Only Live Once
AuntLeesie says
Read it. 🙂 Very interesting take on things. You’re quite fortunate to be in a position where you can choose, are still healthy and young… I’m guessing a frugal lifestyle made the choice possible!
Bryan@Just One More Year says
Thanks Aunt Leessie! We have been living a mostly lifestyle….mostly. 🙂
Taylor Lee has a good point about living in an all or nothing mindset. I do find myself swaying to one extreme of another from time to time. Fortunately my wife gives me a swift kick in the butt to straighten out the mistakes of my thinking.
Bryan@Just One More Year recently posted…YOLO: You Only Live Once
Abigail says
I’ll go read it!
And yes, Tim and I go around at times about how much we want to save versus enjoying things now. He’s good at balancing me out so that I’m not constantly living for the future.
Taylor Lee @ Engineer Cents says
I think about this all the time, but from the “all” rather than the “nothing” mindset. I have remarked to my partner many times how incredibly annoyed and angry I would be to die before I reached a hopefully early retirement. Crossing my fingers we’ll avoid any comet showers the next couple decades at least.
Taylor Lee @ Engineer Cents recently posted…Light At The End Of The Tunnel
Abigail says
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you avoiding comets/buses/trains/ebola. Because yeah, like you, I’ll be annoyed if we keep working this hard and still can’t enjoy ourselves a little more in our later years.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach says
I do wonder too why certain people view frugality as an all or nothing thing. There is nothing wrong with a little cake, just don’t eat the whole damn thing and save some for later. See, you can have your cake and eat it too. I think it’s just people’s humorist defense mechanisms at play here. Whenever I mention running, I always get, “I only run if I’m being chased.” as a defense mechanism for hating exercise. Fine, you hate running. But what about walking? Swimming? Riding a bike? No one is telling you you HAVE to run or else!
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Shopping Ban? Or Mindful Spending?
Abigail says
Yep, you’re right. The humor defense mechanism is tough to overcome.
And I liked this quote — the only time I’ll refer to anything Jessica Simpson has ever said, incidentally — “I learned I can have a cupcake, just not the whole cake.” It’s all about balance, sanity and the occasional indulgence.
DC @ Young Adult Money says
Yes I see this quite a bit. One situation my wife and I were discussing just yesterday was college students attitude towards loan and money. I had many friends/acquaintances in college who literally did not want to work at all during college because “why work now when I can wait until I have a ‘real job’ that pays a lot more?” I’m all for making memories and having memorable experiences, but really? Not even 10-15 hours a week? No work? *sigh*
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted…10 Steps for Financial Success In Your 20s
Abigail says
Wow, that’s a terrifying attitude. I remember talking to someone in college who found out in the winter that she had a surplus from her loans. So she bought everyone in her family lots of great presents. Sigh.
AuntLeesie says
It’s an issue I’m sometimes torn about. My Pop never could put away money, but lived life to its fullest, would (and did) give his last $20 to someone in need, and was always going to find a windfall someday. He also left a very powerful, loving legacy to all whose lives he touched. We still talk about him often 15 yrs. after his passing. My mom’s next husband, on the other hand, lived very frugally all his life, had a very hefty stock portfolio, several income properties, and even when they were dating used coupons and early bird specials. At his funeral, each of his (adult) children spoke. They talked about his tremendous thrift, and how they always enjoyed going tent camping in the summer, because that was the only time all year they got to eat at McDonald’s. They talked about the VW Bug he drove for many years. That he never splurged on himself or others. It was sad. My brother, husband and sons acted as pall bearers with his grandson; there weren’t enough members of his family in attendance, and his son and son-in-law refused.
SOooo… in my mind? The goal should be in finding balance. We’re frugal overall, but we also try to enjoy life w/o constant concern about finances, retirement, and so on.
Abigail says
Balance really is key. Tim reminds me to enjoy the present a little bit, lest we actually do die suddenly. I remind him that long-term financial security is a possibility. Without the other, I think we’d both be pretty lost in our extremes.
Prudence Debtfree says
As someone who used to be really bad with money – and who used to think that people who were good with money were “rabid”, unappealing, cold, shallow . . . (you name it), I think I can offer some insight into the negative view of “frugal”:
When people who aren’t frugal first start trying to be frugal, there’s an awkward learning curve. We do think about money too much; we do sweat the small stuff – all of the time; we’re not as relaxed as we used to be (when we were spending freely) because we’re in constant, intentional decision-making mode. And if we don’t recognize this state of being as the temporary pain of transition, we say, “I don’t want to be this person I’ve become!” and we revert back to our happily-spending selves – even more convinced that frugal types are “rabid”.
3 years into my frugal transition, I’m past the steepest learning curve, and I’m feeling more comfortable in my new ways of operating. Not feeling so “rabid” (yes, I’m enjoying your choice of word).
So the lack of appeal that frugality suffers is partly due to this painful transition period that many have experienced – and unfortunately, abandoned.
Prudence Debtfree recently posted…Abstainers and Moderators in Personal Finance
Abigail says
That makes sense, thanks for that side of things. I just know that some people who go frugal actually find more relief because they’re not constantly worrying about how to pay each bill. But I guess the adjustment period would be hell.
Hannah says
I think both the saver and the spending mindsets can be equally devoid of happiness. Money can’t buy you happiness; at its best, money can buy you a change of circumstances, but even that is an iffy proposition. If you view money as sort of morally ambiguous, then you can easily come up with a proposition in which saving is out of line with your values. However, if you do think savings is out of line with your values, its a very sad situation, because what that’s really saying is that you think your future self is likely to be more morally bankrupt than your current self, and therefore less able to use money in a way that brings good into the world.
Abigail says
Yep, Tim and I balance each other out decently on that score. He reminds me not to constantly live for the future, and I show him that a comfortable financial situation can be ours. Eventually.
So yeah, the key is balance. Not always buying the tortas, but also not always *not* buying the tortas. So… scheduled indulgence, really.
Norm says
I hate that reasoning. It’s like, are you planning on getting hit by a bus tomorrow? Because unless you throw yourself in front of one, it probably won’t happen. I don’t know if people who say stuff like that are actually that stupid, just willfully ignorant, or are jokingly making up excuses. But those are the same people who play the lottery as a retirement plan. Makes me want to punch them!
Actually, forget the comet thing. There’s probably a better chance that they talk about the comet thing so often, that it makes me so angry that I punch them to death.
Norm recently posted…But Seriously, Folks, A Tracfone Is The Only Cell Phone Anyone Needs
Abigail says
Sounds like it’s dangerous to be around your hands!
I think some are willfully ignorant of probability/what it’s like to be poor in old age. Others may just be making jokes. I tend to think it’s a mix of the two. With one or two folks actually being that dumb.
Andrew@LivingRichCheaply says
I wonder the same thing about other people’s view on frugality…it’s not all or nothing…everything in moderation. One thing that I’ve found from reading other personal finance blogs is that frugal can be fun. Frugal doesn’t have to be solely about deprivation and sacrifice…you can still enjoy yourself within reason. And yes, you can have tortas as well as travel (I love travel hacking) and still save for the future.
Andrew@LivingRichCheaply recently posted…Frugal Dating Guide
Abigail says
Yeah, I think I need to tell him about rewards credit cards! Then he can go have tortas in Mexico. And yes, frugal can be fun. It can feel like an achievement, and/or it just makes you appreciate the little things. Every time we get 2 movie tickets, 2 large drinks and a popcorn for free — yay My Coke Rewards! — it feels pretty fantastic.
SavvyJames says
One of the things I constantly preach is a key to fiscal fitness – and physical fitness, spiritual fitness and mental fitness … overall well being – is balance. It is unfortunate that so many people look at different aspects of the their life as all or nothing propositions and don’t realize that you can have a lot, certainly not all, and enjoy a great life with a little effort, common sense and striking the right balance.
SavvyJames recently posted…A Challenge for Men and Women
Abigail says
I definitely have problems finding a middle ground. I agree that a happy median is the best route to take in most endeavors. If for no other reason than it’s got the best chance at long-term success.
Kurt says
Sounds like a guy desperate to rationalize spending instead of saving! Oh well, with some people, you can lead a horse to water, but…
Kurt recently posted…How Debt Kills
Abigail says
But not away from tortas apparently.