I’m a tad stubborn
I refused. Water delivery is expensive, and we got by… mostly. Sure, it was getting harder for him to manage the 40 lb weight of a full, five gallon jug. Sure I was usually too tired to — or, thanks to depression, not mentally up for — leaving the house. Sure that’d leave a week or two at a time where we were constantly out or almost out of water, subsisting on one gallon jugs purchased at the store.
But we mostly got by.
Eventually, though, even I had to admit that the system wasn’t working anymore. So I gave in to the water service idea, and life got a lot easier.*
In other words, I have a hard time admitting when a new expense is a good idea.
The matter at hand (or back)
Which is why I’ve fought for so long against Tim’s plea for a weekly massage. Every time it came up, my brain started screaming that we don’t have the money. And given how little we’ve been able to increase savings the last two months, that’s basically true.
But after Tim crumpled to the floor in pain last month, I started wondering whether I was being too reactionary.
After all, we have a great deal at the place we use: $35 plus tip, for a total of $50. Still, we’d be looking at two more. I couldn’t get past the idea that we don’t have $100 to spare.
Again, that’s true, but I started thinking about the emotional and physical cost of saving that $100.
The state of things
Right now, his back is bad. That’s partly because we messed up scheduling with his aqua therapy. He’s had two appointments total in the past three weeks, compared to the usual two per week. When he stops that therapy, his back gets noticeably worse.
He’s about to get back into regular appointments, which will provide some relief. But the problem with fibro pain “relief” is that it’s a matter of degrees.
The aqua therapy makes it less painful to bend and stand. The Cymbalta lessens his pain too. Unfortunately, we’re talking about a few percentage points down from excruciating. Every little bit helps, but he’s still in a lot of pain.
Wherein I’m selfish
I wish I could say that seeing him in so much pain was what made me decide. But honestly, this is about me. I’m reaching a saturation point. I’m not sure how long I can keep this up.
It’s taking a toll on both of us, and I’m afraid I’ve reached a saturation point.
How things are worse
For the past week or so, I’ve had to massage balm into his hips and lower back. If I don’t massage him, it’s not just that he can barely (if at all) bend down to get and put on clothes. It’s that he can barely walk to the living room. That, I should add, is after he’s taken a shower to get the hot water beat down on the sore areas.
To be fair, we’re talking about a five-minute massage. Ten if it’s a really bad day. But knowing that I need to do it… It’s just one more thing on my mind, demanding my attention.
Also, driving has been more of an issue.
To be clear, he still does the vast majority of it. But there have been more days that it’s been iffy and/or I’ve had to do it. Driving takes a lot out of me.
Both of these things will probably improve once he’s back in the swing of aqua therapy; and this week is his first week back. Unfortunately, the first four appointments are hell on his body. After that, he starts getting more mobile. Until then, though, he’s worse.
This means that I have to go with him to the first four appointments. The last time he went by himself, he barely made it home. Just to make it, he’d locked his body rigidly, and it took him the better part of five minutes to ease himself out of the car.
So I get off work, relax — or, more likely, catch up on blogs — for about an hour; then we leave. We don’t get back until 7:15, which is less than three hours before I have to start getting ready for bed. We just barely get settled in, and it’s time for me to head back. If I have to write a blog post, I’m pretty much busy right up until bedtime.
What I’m juggling
So at the moment I’m trying to cope with my health issues, helping Tim out, working my job, blogging, reading other blogs, trying to exercise (only four weeks to go) and actually trying to spend non-medically-related time with Tim.
Oh yeah — and I’m sorta kinda trying to write an e-book. I have a good idea for one, and I think it really needs to be written. Which is the only reason I’m adding yet another thing to my schedule. But that comes at a cost.
Plus, I’ll be able to do far less when I’m pregnant. I’ll be very queasy and tired for the first few weeks. I’ll also be trying to avoid lifting anything remotely heavy, which means my ability to help Tim will be limited. Assuming I make it beyond the six-week mark, I’m sure a host of other issues will crop up.
As I said, this isn’t forever, but right now, it’s a lot. And aqua therapy will still only alleviate so much.
On the other hand, his mobility increased significantly once he started getting a second massage each month. I’m guessing/hoping that we’ll see similar improvements if he can get one each week.
How we’ll afford it
So now it’s a matter of loosening my knee-jerk “We can’t afford it!” reaction. That means finding the money despite our current situation. Luckily, I’m good at finding money in the budget.
We’ve agreed that we’ll both give up $25 of our fun money. That covers one.
The other $50… I guess you could argue that it’ll come out of the $80 we’ll be saving by cancelling our water service. It’s a good enough argument, and frankly I’m too tired to care. Short of real financial trouble — if we had to dip into savings every month — I’ll make room for the extra $50.
Because I finally have an answer to the question, “How much is saving $100 costing us?” The answer is “Far, far too much.”
Have you ever reached a tipping point that made you decide to add an expense? Who wants to buy my book sight unseen? (Joking… mostly.)
*Now we have the reverse osmosis system going, so both his back and our budget win.