I didn’t upload the cover of my book for the Barnes & Noble physical copy. I didn’t email anyone with press releases for the book. I barely even got a post up or kept up on transfers for the credit card! (So okay, I got two things done.)
Over the past week or so I’ve been caught in this sea of lassitude that’s killing my drive to get anything done
A tumultuous time
. I blamed it on the stress. In the first three weeks of the month I had:
- The stress of making sure Tim got traffic school done on time
- Getting the physical copy of the book out (including going back to the formatter to get a few things fixed)
- A therapy session
- Two podcast interviews and a Blab session for the book
- Making sure my insurance premium got mailed off
- Getting a couple of important yearly renewals done
- Allocating all the money for the month
- An appointment with the oral surgeon
- The actual oral surgery
- A visit the day after because Tim’s stitches were bothering him
- Figure out what to do for our anniversary (though the day of was nice and relaxing)
And that’s not taking into account the pregnancy stuff. Or the myriad appointments for doctors we’ve had in the past year. Or the years of stress from trying to save $25,000 for the oral surgery.
No more excuses — but lots of distractions
But now the worst of it is over. Well, other than worrying with Tim about what he can eat.
Nope, at this point it’s pure work avoidance.
In the past week, I discovered a Futurama game app on the iPad, which is made even better by a bug that currently allows you to uninstall/reinstall the app without losing any progress but getting a whole new set of lives.
That and HBO Now. (We once again have the $20 compromise going while Game of Thrones is on. Although this year it’s only $15.) So I started and caught up on Veep and have now moved on to Silicon Valley. All of this is far more appealing than the real world and its accompanying stressors.
So I long for a world where I don’t have to worry about posts. Or work. Or flogging the book every which way. And/or one in which the flogging I’m doing produces better results. At this point I’ve only sold 36 books, three of which were from my mom.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I appreciate each one of you who has supported me with a purchase, but thus far I’m still at about a $40 profit. The copyright fee alone was the equivalent of about five books through direct sales or seven Kindle books.
Without the results, it’s mainly just longing for the worst of the publicity stress to be over and done with and/or the book to sell enough copies to have made it all worthwhile. And knowing that it helped people. I’m not completely shallow on this front.
Things need to get done
The worst part is that I do have some promising leads — nothing I want to disclose just yet for fear of jinxing it… because that’s totally a thing — but I can’t make myself follow up on a few of them.
I managed to force myself to get one done yesterday. A polite nagging followup email with someone who responded with interest initially but hasn’t replied to my last couple of Twitter messages.
But I still have one that requires the brain space to think of some good excerpts from the book. I currently have about 10% brain space. Maybe 30% if I put down the iPad and turn off HBO Now. But… donwanna.
It doesn’t help that my appearance isn’t great. I’m breaking out pretty badly and haven’t had a hair cut/color for about three months. It doesn’t make the prospect of a potential TV appearance (local news or otherwise) all that appealing.
Logically, this means that I should prioritize a haircut. Maybe a color. I’m on the fence about whether to dye my hair this last pregnancy (if I’m indeed able to get pregnant this month) because I’m trying to quash each and every “What if” that will pop into my head if I have another miscarriage.
Following my own lead
I’m trying to take a page from my own book (no seriously, it’s covered in my book) and not beat myself up about it.
If I’m this unable to motivate myself, perhaps my brain/body is telling me it needs some rest. The book will still be there next month, though Mental Health Awareness Month won’t be. Can’t have everything, right?
So I’m trying to relax into the inertia rather than fritter away energy by fretting.
Still, I wouldn’t mind being in a hotel room away from work, the book and, no offense guys, even the blog. Lying around, maybe hitting the hot tub, rotting my brain with (more) TV and just generally avoiding the real world. Preferably alcohol would be involved.
But I quite literally can’t afford to miss any more work, Tim can’t exactly enjoy a getaway right now and I can’t drink. So… I guess I’ll have to settle for HBO Now and a general avoidance of stress. Or the worst of it, anyway.
Anyone else been struck by inertia/lassitude/general disinterest in what you need to get done? How do you guys cope with it? (Or if you can’t cope then just know my book has a whole section on dealing with inertia! #justsayin)