Sorry I’ve been so bad about answering comments lately. I’m exhausted (more on that below) and the depression is making it tough to do certain tasks.
But I’m going to try to catch up (“try” being the operative word) in the next day or so. Because I really do value your guys’ input and feedback. The conversation is at least half of why I’ve been blogging for so damn long.
(Lack of) sleeeeeep
Today is the second day in a row that I’ve woken up before 6 a.m. It’s the fifth in the past week. A sixth day, I was able to sleep until 7 a.m., but that’s still an hour before my alarm.
I’m mainly waking up at or before 6 a.m. And it’s taking me until at least 11 p.m. to fall asleep, even when I try going to bed at 9 or 9:30.
As best I remember from pre-GBS days (lo, these many years ago), this is the equivalent of three or four hours’ sleep for a healthy person.
My ideal sleep amount is about eight-and-a-half to nine hours. I think I’ve gotten that maybe twice in the past two and a half weeks. (Though admittedly my exhaustion is making my memory a little fuzzy.)
In these situations, I can usually supplement bad or too little sleep with naps. But I’m even having trouble with those. I lie there for 30 to 45 minutes and then give up. Or I finally drop off, but it usually lasts a half hour or less.
The melatonin officially isn’t working. I even tried taking a second tablet. Later, I read that this can actually hurt your sleep cycle, but I think that’s more about making it hard to wake up in the morning. And I didn’t see a difference either way.
I did finally get around to putting a comforter up over the window, something I’d been meaning (but too tired) to do for a few days. It’s a light comforter, so it still lets some light in. Still, it blocks a decent amount.
I slept well that night. But apparently that was just cumulative exhaustion because the next two nights I’ve been back up to early morning wake-ups.
Give me drugs!
I was already considering sleep meds, but yesterday was the clincher. Mainly because I was so tired that I started crying about it. Tim had to call the doctor for me.
They didn’t respond to his voicemail, so having calmed down, I followed up that afternoon. I told them the situation, and they said they had a 10:30 a.m. today. I agreed immediately, but was so exhausted that I nearly hung up without giving my name.
I’m going to ask for a week or two worth of Lunesta or some similar drug. Anything other than Ambien or Trazodone, which no longer put me to sleep. Ambien seems to (sometimes) help me sleep more soundly, but the effects might just be coinciding with cumulative exhaustion.
Fun fact: My alarm just went off. I caught up on the 30 emails from overnight and wrote all of the above (including a small bit of editing as I went) and my 8 a.m. alarm just went off.
I pray I can come away with some type of med today. The PCP is pretty no-nonsense, so I think he’ll be willing to help. Still, it’s weird to say you have insomnia when you’re sleeping six to seven hours a night.
But I know logically — assuming I still have a grip on logic at this point in my exhaustion — it’s all relative. I was having trouble forming sentences yesterday. I kept using the wrong word or mispronouncing some to the point that they were just sounds.
The highlight was when Nadine asked if Tim was going out to get food and I responded almost unintelligibly. It’s a little fuzzy, but it was either “No, but do us want to tell him if you do?” or “No, but do want to tell you us if you do?”
I’m doing better with the typed word, but given that I answer emails for a living… Well, I’d better get this taken care of soon.
I’m off to take a shower and lie down. I an already tell that I won’t sleep, but I can at least rest for a bit.
Have you ever dealt with insomnia? How do you solve it, or do you just ride it out?
*Not my relatives. They’re awesome when they visit — and I’m not just saying because a few of them read the blog.