(In the style of “If you give a mouse a cookie.”)
If you give a homeowner a bathroom with chipping paint, she’ll want to fix it up.
If she wants to fix it up, she’ll take almost two weeks to decide on the right color.
If she’s deciding on the right color, she’ll be intermittently poking her head into the bathroom to imagine different hue.
If she’s constantly staring at the bathroom, her eyes will keep coming back to the sink and how bad it looks.
If she fixates on that (and she will), she’ll get out the CLR and Ajax and scrub away the rust stains — along with most of the moisture in her hands.
If she scrubs the rust stains away, there won’t be anything to distract from how pitted the sink’s surface is.
If she dwells on this (and she will), she’ll go get some epoxy.
If she gets epoxy, she’ll do an okay-if-not-great job of filling in the approximately one zillion pits, plus the flaking enamel around the drain.
If she does an okay-if-not-great job, she’ll realize the sink is still ugly.
If she’s obsessed with the ugly sink, she’ll start seriously considering a resurfacing kit.
While she’s spending all that time by the sink, she’ll realize the large mirror has to be taken down when she paints.
If she realizes it has to come down, she’ll also realize she doesn’t want it to go back up and that she needs to find a new one.
If she needs to find a new mirror, she’ll measure the space and find it’s an unusual size. Because of course it is.
If it’s tough to find a replacement, she’ll have to start scouring Craigslist several times a day and thrift stores on the weekends.
If she keeps going in the bathroom to picture different Craigslist mirrors, she’ll keep walking right by the towel bar.
If she walks by the towel bar enough, she’ll realize it also needs to be removed before she paints.
If she has to take down the towel bar, she’ll consider it an opportunity to get a replacement because she never liked that thing anyway.
If she needs replacements, she’ll go check prices on various websites and be horrified.
If she’s horrified, she’ll have to add “towel bar” to her multiple daily Craigslist searches.
If she’s doing all this, she’ll still somehow manage to finally choose a perfect shade of red for the walls.
If she chooses red for the walls, the current blue shower curtain will clash and need to be replaced.
If she needs a new shower curtain, she’ll try to find one that matches the theme she has in mind.
If she looks for a theme-matching curtain, she’ll find the perfect one… For $65.
If she feels sick at that price, she’ll feel guilty that she still wants to (eventually) get that exact curtain.
So basically, if you give a homeowner a bathroom with chipping paint, you’re completely screwing up her budget and sanity.
Events may have been rearranged slightly for better narrative flow. But these are all actual things I’ve been dealing with. So while I’m off to check Craigslist (again), let me know if you’ve ever had a cascading set of upgrades/repairs like this.