People are pretty upset at Dog Ate My Finances right now. (What else is new? She’s a bit of a polarizing agent.) She is getting a lot of flack for complaining about her new paycheck. She points out how high her old checks were six digits (before the cents) and she was supporting her husband. Now he’s getting crazy-high pay, and she’s down to $1,700 a paycheck. In case you’re wondering that works out to just over $44,000 a year before taxes.
Here’s the problem: People completely missed the point of the post. She’s not talking about how much she makes, except in relative terms. The post is even called “Income Disparity.” But she was her usual blunt self, so people zeroed in on the amount, rather than her overall message. They focused on her statement that $1,700 a paycheck is “humiliating” rather than why she feels that way.
I admit, it can be hard to stomach someone complaining about so much money — especially given that Dog makes more in two weeks than I do in a whole month. In fact, Tim and I combined make less than she does each month. But that’s not the point.
The point is that she used to be the breadwinner. She made a significant more than her now-husband. It was a role; it was a fact that inevitably became a basic trait of her self-image. You can argue that this shouldn’t be so, but our society places a lot of emphasis on work/income as identity. So just accept that fact.
Now that she looks at her paycheck and looks at her husband’s, she’s lost. Her earning power was an intrinsic part of how she defined herself. Now that’s diminished. She’s no longer the lead breadwinner. She’s no longer paid as well for her time. To make things doubly confusing, her husband is now making scads of money — now getting paid a lot for his work.
In that situation, it’s hard not to question yourself. Suddenly, your time isn’t worth as much — at least based on what a company is willing to pay you. Does that mean you’re worth less? Of course not. But that’s easy to say from the outside. When you’re living through it, things are a lot less clear.
When I was waiting for disability, I had to face the idea that I might never be able to work again. That turned out to be an overstatement, but I was run-down enough, we had no idea what I would actually be capable of. So I had to work on accepting the idea that my earning power would be nil.
That’s a pretty scary idea — and not just from a financial perspective. I felt as though I were worth less, if not outright worthless. I couldn’t imagine someone wanting a woman who couldn’t pull her own financial weight. It meant I’d always be financially dependent on my spouse. That’s a big deal.
With a lot of therapy, I finally was able to differentiate between my overall worth and my ability to earn income. That took a lot of time, though. It’s hard to separate the two in this society, even when you’re not depressed and suffering from low self-esteem. If you don’t believe me, talk to some out-of-work people. You’ll find financial worry is only part of the problem.
I recognize that $44,000 a year is pretty far from being out of work. But, again, it’s about the disparity. Dog took a huge pay cut, and that generally has a big effect on self-image.
The average American worker makes $32,708.10 a year — a little under $16 an hour. If you took a pay cut as deep as Dog’s, you’d earn a little under $9 an hour. I know I’d feel pretty frustrated: underpaid and undervalued.
And while low pay creates other concerns (namely, paying rent) my guess is you’d still be annoyed by working so hard for so much less. But you’d better be careful who you vent to. There are people earning $7.25 an hour. And then there are people who can’t get any job. To them, you have it pretty good.
Have you ever had a financial blow that made you question your self-worth? What do you think about how the two are tied together?
Meg says
I don't think anyone "completely missed the point of the post." And, frankly, I think that's a bit presumptive and hurtful of you to assume that we did. The fact that many of us are upset at how she made her point doesn't mean that we don't understand it. I think it's very easy to understand why she's upset. I'm not clueless.
But that doesn't change the fact that I disagree with what she said. And yeah, I can disagree with what she said without "missing the point" or having my "panties in a bunch". Why does that seem so hard for you to understand? Agree to disagree, but please stop personally insulting me and the other commenters for having our own opinions on the matter.
She could have chosen a lot of ways to express how she felt. In fact, she could have been even more direct about it by saying that she felt "humiliated". That's a lot different from saying that getting $1700 a month biweekly is "humiliating". Instead the words she chose were hurtful, but I assume just careless.
Not only that, but as yet, I haven't seen any effort on her part to reword it or apologize, which would be the polite thing to do when you've said something that was obviously and unnecessarily hurtful.
Abigail says
Meg,
I'm sorry you see my remarks as hurtful. It was not intended to be hurtful. It was intended to express my opinion on the matter.
As for whether you "completely missed the point," it's hard to know how much of her overall point you took in if your entire comment is complaining about the way she phrased her opinion about income. Given that almost none of the negative comments referenced any other point of the post… Well, there's no way of knowing that you understand anything.
I'm sorry that you took my remarks so personally. I see "panties in a bunch" as a very non-accusatory phrase, simply a humorous suggestion that people de-clench. The fact that you don't see yourself in need of declenching should simply tell you to disregard the suggestion entirely. Clearly your take on this was somewhat different.
And I did say she expressed the sentiment badly. Dog does that a lot. She's kind of infamous for being blunt to the point of offending a lot of people. So you'll pardon me if I find it humorous that people STILL get so riled up by her posts.
As for rewording or apologizing… Frankly I don't think she should have to. She could acknowledge that she worded things poorly, but she has every right to feel the way she does. And it's her blog. I don't think she should have to apologize for an opinion she has about facts in her own life.
I'm sorry her post — and mine — upset you so badly. I generally don't like to be a part of hurt feelings. But in this case, if you want me to respect your opinion, you're going to have to respect mine. I will, however, apologize that my glib wording hurt your feelings.
You want to be okay with agreeing to disagree, but part of disagreeing is often that you simply concede that you don't agree wit
As for "personally" insulting you, well beyond the fact that I did not insult you personally… I am sorry you took it so personally. It was not meant to be. I was expressing my opinion about your opinion on the matter.
You choose to blast her (an opinion) for something she said, but you do not like it when I express an opinion about your opinion. This is a blog, just as Dog's is a blog. Blogs almost always contain opinions. You can assume that anything I state here is a personal take on facts. I believe that people should understandare about opinion. You can disagree with them as your conscience dictates. And I'm glad you feel able to express your disagreement on here.
SonyaAnn says
I just stopped by to say hi.
I went from working all of my life to "just a housewife" so it really does take a bit of getting use to. I like to look at my job as finding new ways to save money or take care of us. But it is a hard pill to swallow. But since I stopped working we found that most of what I made was being eaten up by fast food.
But I do very much understand that a lot of our self esteem is tied to a paycheck.
dogatemyfinances says
You totally got it girl! Then there's my schoolmates and their salaries too… So, it's all relative.
And then there's the whole question of am I worthless when everyone else with my degree seems to have made it? Compounded by an incredibly draining job. Not a sustainable situation for sure.
paranoidasteroid says
Well said!
The only thing I would add is that Dog finds her job very stressful and draining. I had a soul-sucking job before, and you really do get to a point where you think, "I don't get paid enough for this." At least in her old job, she might not have been happy, but she was a well-paid unhappy.
eemusings says
It definitely is hard for us from our POV as lesser earners, to get past the 'numbers'. But I can understand that it's hard to drop to a much lower income and no longer be the breadwinner, when that's 'who you've been' for so long.