If there’s one fun thing about infertility,* it’s that you end up having to schedule your life around it.
To be clear, I’m not talking about appointments with the reproductive endocrinologist or even missed days after miscarriages. I’m talking about actual timing issues.
See, the fetal development has routinely stopped in the five- to seven-week mark. So when our first needle-jabby experience didn’t take in July, I realized we shouldn’t try again in August.
If things didn’t go well, I’d either find out a couple of weeks before FinCon or potentially miscarry during the conference itself. One way or another, not really viable — if you’ll pardon the unfortunate pun.
And it looks like scheduling is going to be an issue once again.
I was still recuperating from FinCon in September, so we decided to put it off until October. At worst, it would have put the bad news around Thanksgiving, which isn’t a big holiday for us.
Unfortunately, that plan went awry. I need to see the doctor in a very small window of time. Due to nurse oversight, I didn’t get called back in time for an appointment this past week.**
The next opportunity will be in late November, which puts the danger zone (cue Archer screech) right around Tim’s birthday/Christmas. Uh, no. It was bad enough when I miscarried on our anniversary, two days before Mother’s Day.
I know some of you will say that I need to have a more positive attitude*** and not plan for failure.
But I actually see this as part of that effort. If I get this all set up now, I can be as positive as possible during the actual pregnancy. I won’t be fretting about poor timing, ruined holidays and so on.
In the end, it comes down to one simple fact: I may not be able to protect my future self from the potential for the emotional and physical pain of a miscarriage — but I can try to make her schedule more convenient during the tragedy.
Has anyone else who experienced infertility develop this sort of sardonic realism? Do any of the rest of you worry about tragic events in and around the holiday season?
**Not that I was on the ball about calling them back to push for an appointment. I’m not sure if I was busy or just have a mental block. Time will tell. Besides, it’s still the nurse’s job to get back to patients in a timely manner.
***Though I doubt a zygote much cares about my outlook.