It’s a short money week this week thanks to the panic-inducing stockup. Specifically, it’s a five-day week.
That’s life
I won’t pretend that it’s completely fine. The whole point in tightening our financial belt was to pay back the pool table money asap. So having to re-up two days early is pretty damn frustrating.
But I’m slowly learning to accept that this is just life. Yes, our multiple chronic health conditions mean perhaps more surprises than most. Then again, we don’t have kids, who insist on hurting themselves or getting invited to other kids’ birthday parties or whatever.
So when I lapse into “Woe is me” mode, I try to stop and ask myself how often these unexpected expenses happen. The answer? A lot. So perhaps I should stop considering them surprises. They’re more like inevitabilities.
At some point during the month, a medical expense will rear its head. At some point, a grocery stock-up is going to make things a tad lean. At many points, we will pay the convenience tax because we’re not well enough to manage something more frugal.
If that’s true, then I can’t keep meeting each one with even mild panic. Even a healthy person’s system couldn’t handle that. So I’m trying to work on that.
Going with the flow
I think I’ve actually come a long way toward not melting down at each new life “surprise.”
Take Tim’s recent traffic ticket. If it’d happened even a couple of years ago… Well, my tirade would have come out as a Godzilla-worthy blast of flame, reducing Tim to a smoky rubble. And I’d then have sat my the smoldering remains of my husband, wailing in stress and frustration. (Probably with some marshmallows. I find s’mores very comforting.)
This time, I felt a flicker of panic and anger. Then I tamped it down by asking a very simple question: What good will this do?
Would a lecture somehow un-ticket him? Would it magically generate $200 to cover the cost of traffic school? Would it make him feel worse than he already did? (Actually, yes to that last one. I definitely could’ve made him feel worse. But it wouldn’t have been productive, so let’s pretend the answer is no.)
Instead of all that, I just shrugged wearily and said, “Well, nothing we can do about it. Be more careful in the future.”
These days, that reaction seems to happen a lot. Sometimes I worry that it lets us get too lax on the frugality front. Most of the time, I realize that it’s probably healthier. Besides, I can always use them as teachable moments in the future.
Really, it’s just that most days I don’t have the energy for a full-on, hide-under-the-covers-level freak out. So I make like Elsa and let it go.
What if?
Sometimes I wonder if things would be different if we had a more normal budget. If sudden expenses didn’t have to come out of a set weekly amount, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to cope with them. Maybe I’d have some padding in each budget category — or an entire category named the Argh Fund. (Or something a little more cuss word-y.)
Then again, I might be even more freaked out in that situation. I get upset because things aren’t going according to plan. In my mind, each budget category would be its own plan. Meaning there’d be oh-so-many more plans to get off-track. And at the end of each month I’d have to glumly review them and see where things went to hell.
It’s why I stopped budgeting. Well, that and my inability to set reasonable financial goals for each one. That didn’t help.
In conclusion
So yeah. Um.
Look, I was really hoping I’d have some great insight by the time I finished this post. Usually they come to me while I’m writing. Well, they’re not always “great” insights. But usually some “Now what did we learn today?” sort of pithy observation.
But I’m tired, my eye is being annoying again, and Game of Thrones is almost on. So you’re on your own, folks.
How do you handle unexpected expenses? More importantly, how well do you handle them? Has anyone started budgeting for surprises?
P.S. It took everything I had not to make a Spanish Inquisition reference. Which I guess I just did. Oops.
I think I’m better than I used to be about unexpected things. It helps to know I do have money saved for some unexpected things, but overall, it’s just understanding that “Murphy’s Law” happens to everyone, and there is nothing special about my fuck-ups. lol!
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Things
Haha, well and unexpected expenses aren’t necessarily from mistakes on your part. But yes, having savings definitely makes it easier to keep peace of mind. Which is why I’m a little worried about later in the year once we’ve paid out for Tim’s dentures. But I’ll grapple with that when the time comes.
You DO have a normal budget. We all have expenses that come out of nowhere, but have to be paid from *somewhere*. For us, most recently: bachelorette party for my office mate that I really couldn’t say no to ($130!!!); eye doc insisting I get new glasses ($400+); expenses related to a short hospital stay for my nephew (cafeteria food, parking, possible codes violation because we didn’t get the lawn mowed!); friends coming in from out of town (baseball game food). These things happen, and before the crowd suggests I could have done things differently, yes, I probably could have. But in the moment or situation, sometimes that doesn’t happen.
I did yell at my husband over his traffic tickets a couple of years ago. Three speeding tickets in six weeks. He’s really lucky I’m a lawyer. Otherwise, it would have cost a few hundred bucks in legal fees on top of the fines and surcharges.
Haha, 3 tickets would definitely have gotten him yelled at. But he hasn’t had one in about 6 years — and that one was from a traffic camera. Which means that under AZ law it wasn’t enforceable.
That’s definitely a nasty slew of expenses. And reminds me that we have GOT to get Tim that eye exam I keep promising him. And seriously, where do people get off with such expensive bachelorette parties?! I went out to a bar with my friends. I think each of them bought me a drink and someone paid the $10 cover fee.
Hospital charges definitely add up. When Tim was in the hospital for a day and a half I think I racked up about $15 just in cafeteria food, not to mention a bunch of gas running to and from the hospital all day but still trying to get work done.
Oh yes, work! I’m self-employed, so guess who stayed with the youngling while he was incarcerated? Me, which means work didn’t get done, which means money wasn’t made.
Extra ouch and… incarcerated? Eep!
I meant “incarcerated” in the most general sense of the word, as in stuck someplace and cannot leave, like in a hospital.
Ah, that makes more sense. I thought perhaps the tickets went unpaid or something.
Besides emergency savings, which we try to save for actual emergencies, we keep extra money in the checking account to cover inevitable unexpected expenses. I know some people don’t do well with a padded checking account, but it works for us. We kind of just pretend it’s not there, until we get a traffic ticket or pricey prescription or yet another wedding invite.
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor recently posted…Inflate Someone Else’s Lifestyle Instead of Your Own
Yeah, I keep some padding in savings too because things inevitably come up. Even with the reduced spending target of $210/week, I kept $280 out… just in case.
We also keep what I call “slush” in the checking account. Savings accounts pay little to no interest, although money goes into savings each month. Ditto the retirement account. It would stress me out to have too many different (dedicated) accounts, though. Each person is different. For me/us having about $1k extra in checking most of (if not all) the time equals a small measure of reassurance.
I think having THAT much slush in the account would stress me out, but as you say individuals’ comfort levels vary. I like having dedicated accounts because then I don’t have to lower savings to, say, take a vacation/go to FinCon. It’s my own mental tic, perhaps.
There’s never a RIGHT time for things to go south, I’ve found. Even if I have the money to cover the unexpected expense I still get irritated that I have to use it.
I think you’ve got the right idea: Just go with it. Use the energy you would have spent on being angry toward looking for ways to cope. Like, say, finding an extra $766 in your budget each month.
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Hey, what a great idea! But yes, best to use your energies finding a way to afford it than freaking out that it’s not in the budget.
“Godzilla-worthy blast of flame” – love it! Like you, I’ve become more relaxed about unexpected expenses, they still fill me with dread but they don’t eat away at me quite like they used to. Still, I could manage them better. Our emergency fund has been pretty much drained of late so I should be thinking about putting some more money away just in case. I think going with the flow is definitely better for health reasons. There’s not a lot you can do when the damage is done except feel even worse about it which doesn’t help.
Yeah, I think initial reactions will always be the same. It’s a matter of accepting them… and then tamping them the hell down.
Well, that was unexpected. (The Spanish Inquisition, that is.)
Indeed. I hear no one expects it.
I think the problem with unexpected expenses is that it’s never one at a time, it’s always a million things that go wrong all at once! Which can be really disheartening, but it’s so helpful to have an emergency fund for it.
Excellent point! They pile on until you’re just a whimpering mess.
Dude, tickets are just the worst. They are.
I hate it but I have learned we need to expect one or two a year on average.
Ouch. We’re lucky to have not had many since we moved here. Tim might be a speed demon, but he seems to be good at spotting cops before it’s too late.
I feel like no month is ever “normal” budget month . I need some of your go-with-the-flow”ness”
It’s hard-won — and it still sometimes disappears when I need it. But lots of freakouts eventually wear you down to the point that you just can’t give them much energy anymore. So perhaps it’s just a matter of getting more jaded or less energetic.
I am such a huge planner that I have trouble dealing with surprises. It was a lot tougher a few years ago when we had virtually no emergency fund. Having even a small cushion can make the unexpected expenses easier.
Also…after three surgeries between the two of us the past 4 years, we throw every dollar the tax law allows us into our HSA. Doing this means that even if there is a small period of time where we have little to no medical expenses we are able to build up the HSA so that if something does happen we’ll have the $ for it.
I know HSAs can be a godsend — though isn’t there the worry that you’ll have a bunch of money at the end of the year and no way to spend it? At any rate, if that were an option, we’d definitely be taking it. Unfortunately, one of the few drawbacks of my job is that I don’t have access to a 401(k) or HSA. The benefits more than make up for it, though.
Look you gotta do what you can with the resources you have available. I think you’re doing a pretty amazing job given all the things that you must contend with. As for that ticket. They’re terribly pricey everywhere. A few years ago in a suburb of Omaha, I got a ticket for $170, meh.
Lila @ Lila Donovan recently posted…What it’s like to live on $24,000
Yeah, tickets are never pleasant. The court fees are usually more than half the cost. So even taking traffic school doesn’t do much to ameliorate the financial hit.
Unfortunately, the only thing in life you can expect is that the unexpected will occur. This is why I try and keep a fully stocked emergency fund. It doesn’t keep me from getting frustrated when events happen but like you said, what good is getting upset do for the situation.
Yep, an emergency fund does greatly ease the mind — after the initial grumbling subsides.
No one is an exception to life happening. I’ve pretty much stopped wondering about unexpected expenses and events because they aren’t unexpected…I just don’t exactly know when they will happn, but they will. I don’t know anyone in life who doesn’t have an emergency and often they come in pairs. I am not the exception to this rule and the only way to handle “unexpected” events is to expect them and plan accordingly with your finances. Or you can hope you are going to be the one exception in all of life and think nothing will happen to you and then hope you react correctly when the time comes. A little preparation goes a long way and helps you sleep better at night. Again no one is an exception to life.
Visionary Money recently posted…The Wealth of Simplicity
I agree. It’s less that they’re unexpected and more that they’re just a question mark with a dollar amount (which is also a question mark).
Unexpected expenses are the worst, but that’s when we usually rely on our emergency fund. Still sorry it happened to you though.
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It’s because as your income goes up and save up more money for unexpected expenses the less stress it becomes. The oh shit because oh well I noticed that for myself. I notice the more money I have saved or in the bank whether im using it or not I tend to be more relaxed with my kids , less snappy and more happy in general. Now that summer time child care has hit I gotta work on rebuilding my small savings back up. Even $200 would be a cushion that im ok with.
I recently received a letter from the DMV reminding me that I have to re-register my car Ugh, then my sister and I made the decision to buy a roundtrip ticket for my mother to see her sisters who are very sick, another unexpected expense ugh. It helps that even though my financial goals are not met, I at least am not falling in an endless hole of debt that I used to experience without having any budget. Now at least I see areas where I can improve my spending, and I can feel comfortable with the numbers in my bank instead of being in DENIAL which then prompted more spending. I think that $200 is challenging, but it can be done…. payment plans help ie. pay $10 a month by contacting the DMV, or accepting the $200 debt and making small changes in other areas ie. increase ibotta receipt scans 🙂 or enroll in marketing research groups to help meet the $200… Anything is possible.. Keep the light in sight… it will come!
Yep, structure is a big relief. Even if it’s not helping/taking care of the process right away, at least you know it’ll help keep you going in the future. And congratulations on being to the point that you can avoid going into debt. While it’s frustrating to fall behind on goals, it’s light years better than going into debt for something.
Its really hard to budget for things that we can’t budget for. At the moment we do have 3 months of expenses (and growing) saved up, but that wouldn’t deal with many actual emergencies. We try to budget for everything that might come up in our lives..and then over budget it, so we add like 10% extra onto our supermarket budget which we’ve already given a good allowance to (and then we try to beat it).
Life is unpredictable and we all live different lives, I try not to compare ourselves to others because we’re completely different. It’s frustrating seeing a family member who still lives at home (rent free) doing lots of investing, when we live out of the house and don’t have the money to do that yet. It’s frustrating seeing other family members fall pregnant so easily yet we have to spend thousands on IVF to get to the same point they did. But it doesn’t do my mental health any good, it doesn’t change the situation. This our position and we have to do the best we can.
Tristan
Dividendsdownunder recently posted…Saving for the future: May
Yeah, trying to guess what’s going to happen can be maddening. Just overbudgeting is probably the best way to go.
And yes, you’d think I’d learn by now not to compare our situation with other people’s. Most other PF bloggers aren’t part of a dual-disability couple. And income/job issues can be vastly different. Still, it’s my first instinct. I’m just getting better at quickly following it with a “Stop it!” second instinct.
Abby, you have had a great insight. Adversity has made you wiser and tougher. You should be proud of yourself. I wish there was some way to teach young people what normal life is really like. Maybe then, we wouldn’t become so upset and frustrated when these kinds of setbacks happen.
I wonder. A couple of hundred years ago, before we became so distracted by the media, did people just starting out in life have a better grasp of reality? Without thousands of hours of TV, cinema, and novels under their belt by the time they were eighteen, perhaps young people were able to look around and see life as it really is. Maybe setbacks and adversity were not such a great surprise back then.
Well, I dunno about wise. Sometimes I feel wizened. But yeah we’re getting a relatively thick hide at this point. And yes, maybe popular culture is biasing us a bit toward a happy ending rather than… more life.