This whole situation is ridiculous.
I met up with Darryl after my friend’s wedding on Saturday the 7th. I’d been out and about for nearly 12 hours at this point. So when he said something that essentially accused me of cheating (nothing to do with the wedding, something else) I was so tired that I found it funny. Because it was absurd. I just assured him he was way off base.
It wasn’t until the following morning — after I’d gotten some sleep — that I realized the full impact of his words and how crappy it was. I fired off a text telling him, in no uncertain terms, that it was NOT okay and to NEVER do that again.
Making up (sorta)
We talked on the phone that night and he apologized. He’s been cheated on a couple of times in the past. So I was willing to give him one pass. But only one.
We ended up talking a bit about our relationship. He had some concerns in that he knew I wasn’t looking for love — something he’d said about himself, by the way — and what did that mean for the future of our relationship? Were we just going to be boyfriend/girlfriend forever?
He thought he deserved a chance at more. That he deserved butterflies. (So I guess I didn’t give him those? Ouch.)
Or maybe all that anyway. That is, he admitted that he wasn’t really sure what he wanted, and we agreed he should probably figure that out. At any rate, we decided to proceed as normal and also go out to Flagstaff the weekend after next. After that, we’d sort of see how we felt.
In the meantime, he agreed to come over Monday and replace the water filter on my reverse osmosis system.
And so it begins…
I texted him Monday morning, and he said he’d be here by at 3 p.m. But I hadn’t been able to get the previous night’s conversation out of my head. So I had decided that we should probably break up, which I was going to tell him that when he showed up. (No, I wasn’t going to let him replace the filter first.)
My stomach was in knots. I could barely eat all day, and I was sad because I do care about him. He’s the first guy I’ve cared about since the divorce.
I spent the day anxiously killing time. I couldn’t even work out because I’d was too tired. I’d gotten terrible sleep, since I hadn’t been able to turn off my brain which was obsessing about how we should break up and how I also didn’t want to.
He’d said “around 3” so I expected him around 3:30 p.m. Which came and went. At 4:30 p.m. I texted him to see if he was on his way. At 6 p.m. I called him and he didn’t pick up. At 9 p.m. I was thoroughly pissed/perplexed and left a message asking what happened and asking him to call me.
The following morning, I texted him “So… What happened?” figuring that a text might be easier for him.
But as you may have guessed by now, Monday morning was the last time I heard from him. He ghosted me — after two and a half months of dating. Coward.
Part of me keeps thinking he’ll call or show up with some reasonable explanation. Which can’t possibly be true because, even if he got embroiled in baby mama drama and had to take his toddler daughter for a few days, a text takes, like, 10 seconds. “Got the baby. Can’t make it. Sorry.”
So, no. I’m not going to hear from him again. I’m working on accepting that. And reminding myself that even if he did contact me, we’d be breaking up anyway.
It’s just bizarre because he seemed, overall, like a nice, decent guy — cheating accusation notwithstanding. So it’s hard to wrap my head around the idea that he’d pull such a dick move.
It stings. My pride is wounded — that he had such little feeling for me that he could just cut me off so callously. The way he looked at me sometimes and how he’d say he missed me… I thought he cared a lot more about me than he apparently did.
And I did care about him, so it hurts on that front too.
Which is silly, really, because I went in knowing that we didn’t have a long-term future. I could tell it just wasn’t in the cards before we even became exclusive. But I’d caught feelings for him and wanted to see it through. I guess now I have.
One piece of good news
On Tuesday one of the guys I was seeing from before Darryl and I went exclusive messaged me to see how I was doing. (I’d only half-jokingly told him I’d call him if things didn’t work out with Darryl. Again, I knew it wasn’t long term.)
I gave him the update and he offered to, er, come take my mind off things. I told him I needed a few days to nurse my wounded ego.
Still, it’s nice to know I have at least one guy around. Might message a second guy I saw a couple of times on the off-chance he’s still interested. If not — or even if so — I guess I’d better download Tinder again and have some more adventures.
*I decided to text Darryl one last time for closure: “Well, I was going to end things on Monday anyway, so I guess this works out. Still a shitty/cowardly way for you to do it, though. I deserve better.” I felt a lot better after that.
*Since I felt a lot better, I texted Tinder guy to come on over, which he did. I think I’ll bounce back into single life quite nicely.
*Miracles do happen. Darryl replied to my text saying that he was sorry he didn’t respond, he was ashamed himself and I do deserve better. So some vindication on that front, if still a little heart-hurting.
Let’s hear your bad breakup stories!