Well, you guys seem to be enjoying my Tinder experiences, so here’s some more stories for you. This is last week’s activity (from two Fridays ago until this past Saturday).
A disappointing weekend
The first weekend was essentially a dead zone. Which is weird and the first time that’s happened since I started using Tinder (except when I got a cold and was too sick to go anywhere).
All I can surmise is that I have displeased the mighty Tinder gods! What kind of sacrifice is called for to appease them? Burning a slutty piece of clothing?
To be clear, I chatted with several people over the weekend, but none were available or just weren’t that interesting.
At any rate, here’s an account of the highlights/lowlights of the interactions I did have (in person and otherwise).
The late-night mansplainer
To be fair, on Saturday I did see the guy (32 years old) from the previous Thursday for a bit. Which was a mistake.
He asked what I was doing after 10 p.m. I told him I’d let him know around 9 p.m. if I’d be in bed by then. But at 9 p.m. I still had some wind in my sails, so I thought, “Why not stay up for a bit?”
I messaged him at 10 p.m. And didn’t hear back til 10:45 p.m. He was just then driving back from a suburb. So he could be at my place at 11:45 p.m.
I was loath to stay up that late, but I figured in for a penny in for a pound. Dude got here at friggin’ midnight! We hung out for a bit. Towards the end of which this exchange occurred:
Him: “Politicians like to start wars to get re-elected.”
Me: “Yeah, I know. I was a poli sci major.”
Him: Launches into a litany of reasons a war is good for an incumbent president.
Between that and the fact that he apparently will have a lot of late nights due to trying to run some side businesses… No, I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other again.
The somewhat racist idiot
I came pretty close on Sunday to getting a date. (This is after the guy I was supposed to see that night unmatched overnight me without a word. Classy.) At any rate, that evening I actually had a line on a guy I think was interested in meeting that night, but I then agreed to a call with another guy. I think he was about 25. I unmatched him so I can’t check.
Why did I unmatch him? He was an idiot.
For example, I had to correct him that Anne Frank had not, in fact, lived in New York. Also, he couldn’t immediately think of the word “Nazi” when talking about World War II. He said something along the lines of “those German guys.”
In addition, he made some sweeping generalizations that made me pretty uncomfortable. Like that Indian guys were all about feet. Because he’d seen a bunch of videos where they were into it. I shudder to think what he believes white people are into, given the wide range of Caucasian-made fetish videos out there.
By the time I got off the phone — after 40 freakin’ minutes I finally just made an excuse to end the damn thing — the other guy (23 years old, by the way #notbraggingbutsortabragging) had gone silent and didn’t get back to me until it was too late to set anything up for the night. Siiiiigh.
Meanwhile, the phone guy still messaged with me for a while. One of his first questions after our phone chat was “What kind of food can you make?” He claimed he didn’t mean he thought I’d cook for him. But what the hell else would that mean?
He messaged again me the next morning, and I’d had enough. I gave a polite lie that I’d been thinking about it and the age difference (16 years) was weirding me out. It seemed nicer than saying, “I’m afraid I’ll get a headache from shaking my head so hard at your dumb dumb dumminess.”
So there’s that.
The socially anxious dude
This guy (27 years old) I’m not making fun of. He seems solid, but worth mentioning nonetheless.
He said he was extremely introverted when we started talking two Fridays ago. After a day of a fair amount of conversation, I asked if he wanted to come out of his shell and meet up. He hemmed and hawed a bit and ultimately it was clear the answer was no.
We kept talking, and the next day he admitted he has pretty severe social anxiety. Which makes me wonder why he bothered with Tinder in the first place, but oh well.
He seems nice so I told him we’d keep talking and see how it goes. If he loosens up, we can meet. If things don’t change, we’ll call it a day.
Except our communication during the week ended up being pretty spotty. So there’s every chance that’ll peter out to nothing.
The nice guy
Hey, look, finally some dates!
Monday’s date (28 year old) and I had texted pretty extensively. He seemed like a great guy. Definitely seeking out older women specifically, but hey it works in my favor so…
Alas, when I got to the date there was just no spark between us. I just wasn’t attracted to him, which sucked because the date itself was pretty fun. We chatted and played pool. He was a little quiet, but overall he relaxed a bit as the date wore on.
But… You just can’t help it if there’s no spark.
I’m a total chicken who doesn’t like anything remotely resembling confrontation. So I didn’t tell him in person when he asked how the date went. I just answered truthfully but blandly that it was “fun.”
Because I’m an ass and didn’t tell him then and there that I wasn’t interested, he insisted on driving me home rather than having me take a Lyft. Insisted in a “Really, it’s no problem. Let’s save you some money!” way. Not a lascivious or pushy way.
So I got to feel bad about accepting a ride, though I guess it was just a few minutes out of his way. Eesh.
In the morning I texted him to let him know that while I had a good time, there just wasn’t a spark. Thankfully, he took it really well.
He did ask if it was because he was quiet or there was no physical contact. But when I said it was just a general thing (because it seemed better than saying “I just don’t find your face attractive.”), he accepted that and wished me well. Argh, why couldn’t I have been attracted to that one?!
The “DAMN IT!”
Tuesday I started chatting with this guy (27 years old), and we had a great, flirty conversation. For hours. In fact, I was royally annoyed that I already had a date set up for that night because this new guy and I were getting along so well. And he seemed smarter than my 23-year-old date that night.
But the scheduled guy had patiently waited about three weeks for a date: first through a busy schedule, then my nasty cold. And acted suuuuper excited about seeing me every time I talked to him.
So I didn’t feel right cancelling on him.
Then about 90 minutes before my date, I texted him to confirm that we were still on. (I usually do it the night before or earlier in the day but I just spaced it.) The guy promptly texted back asking for a rain check. He was worried that his event that night would run late.
I immediately messaged the new guy, and he was miraculously still free. We met up at the bar and played some pool. We flirted quite a bit and generally had a good time. And then…
Well, there’s no delicate way to put this, so sorry Mom and Pop-pop (both of whom read this blog). I found out that he doesn’t use condoms. And no-condoms is, for very obvious reasons, is one of the biggest NOPEs out there.
He seemed nice, and I believed him that he rarely slept with anyone. But nooooooo.
So… DAMN IT!
The other no-spark guy
Wednesday’s date was also disappointing. Maybe it’s because I had such a good time the night before (unfortunately) but this date just felt meh.
He was a nice guy and seemed pretty smart. I mean, he’s a systems engineer, which I’m hazy on the meaning of but pretty sure you need an engineering degree for, which means he’s probably a smart cookie.
Also, he had a melodic nice accent (he was from Nigeria originally). Though admittedly this made it hard to understand him sometimes over the music that was playing.
Anyway, despite these nice traits, I just felt no spark whatsoever. Maybe it was the mustache. There are a very select few face structures that can carry off a mustache-only look. His was not one of them.
Or maybe that he just seemed more skinny than toned and — especially for someone with 10-15 extra pounds on her — I’ve gotten remarkably shallow. (Though Wednesday’s date had a few extra pounds and I found him attractive — again, unfortunately — so I’m not a completely lost cause.)
At any rate, the Nigerian texted me after the date to say he had a good time. I was really hoping from our slightly awkward parting that he didn’t feel a connection either. But instead it fell to me to text back that, while I had fun, I just didn’t feel there was a spark and didn’t want to waste his time.
These weren’t dates, but were, um, notable interactions nonetheless. Yes, all of these were from a single day’s activities on Tinder. Actually these were just from late morning to mid-afternoon.
Let’s begin, shall we?
There was the guy who had this as one of his Tinder pics:
Another guy put in his profile that he has an “avid cardio routine” to “reciprocate” his favorites snacks. Actually, he said it was to (sigh) reciprocate his favorite snacks and shows. So, like, I don’t think he understands how words or calories work.
Also a guy whose Tinder profile showed only one real body shot (other than the one where he’s in full football gear) where he was in super shape. Then he sent me a pic while we were chatting that showed he had about 10 extra pounds now. Men would raise hell if a woman did that to them!
In fact, there were several 30+ year old men who included pictures that obviously ranged a minimum of five years. Some looked to be significantly older than that.
Oh, and that day I also I talked to a 21 year old who turned out to have a foot fetish and was looking for someone to “punish him with [their] feet.”
To be clear, I’m not trying to kink shame here. You like what you like and, as long as all involved are consenting adults, more power to you. But I just wasn’t at all prepared for that last bit.
But perhaps my favorite was this exchange with a 30 year old:
He actually sent me something after that but… Well, let’s just say that he elaborated further on this totes-hetero idiocy. But it’s a little racy, so I guess check my Twitter if you want to see that.
So yeah, that all happened. And despite playing around that evening too — which I think was super brave/optimistic of me at that point — I ended up getting nothing set up for Thursday night.
Finally, some success
Not Friday night. I had a game night that night. Though at the end of the night I did flirty texts with a totally ripped 26 year old.
Meanwhile, Saturday was supposed to be a house party at my friend Kevin’s house. But he started getting sick and cancelled the event mid-afternoon.
So I messaged the dude from the night before to see if he was free. Then checked my Tinder and saw that a guy (31 years old) I’d been chatting with had asked me out. But I wasn’t as excited about him as the 26 year old, so I told him I was might have something going on and would let him know in a few hours.
The 26 year old didn’t get back to me, but I kept going over the pictures of the guy who’d invited me out. In some pics, I found him attractive. In some he was kind of meh. And given the past week’s two meh-dates — and that he had admitted to being somewhat hesitant about dating someone who wasn’t going to be, shall we say, “committed” to just one person (again, sorry Mom and Pop-Pop) — I decided to keep looking and just tell him my plans came through after all.
So I swiped some and chatted some and ended up talking to a super attractive 25 year old. Is it wrong to post a pic? I feel like it’s wrong to post a pic. Especially since the one he sent me — the best one — is just him in a towel. So, no, I won’t post it and will instead just say that he was very muscular and that I can be an extreme sucker for Hispanics.
By this point it was already 7ish. We flirted for a bit and eventually agreed to meet for a drink, so I started getting ready as we talked, hopping in the shower, doing my hair and getting dressed. I was just about to start my makeup when I found out he wouldn’t get off work til 9:45 p.m.
I was torn. Because, as I may have mentioned, he was super hot and seemed to have a brain in his head. (I bet he knows that Anne Frank wasn’t American.) But I also am normally in bed before 10 p.m. By which I mean I actually usually go to bed at 9 p.m. And I had to work in the morning.
But, guys, the towel pic was pretty compelling.
Also, it was already 8 pm. so I figured why not just go with it. So I put off doing my makeup and put on a sweatshirt so Josie wouldn’t get hair all over my first date shirt (which is black, and since she has a white underbelly she’s attracted to black clothing like a magnet).
Anyway, we agreed he’d text me when he was off and give me a time to meet. He ended up not getting off til 10 p.m. and had to change and get gas and drive from a nearby suburb that was 30 minutes away.
So what I’m saying is that the date didn’t start until 11 p.m. and by the time I was on it, I was half-convinced that I’d just fallen asleep in my living room chair and was dreaming the date actually happened.
But the energy meds kept me propped up through the date, thankfully. Because it went exceedingly well. We laughed a lot, the conversation didn’t really falter and each of us was pretty clear that there was a strong attraction.
So we’ve agreed that we’re definitely seeing each other again. Which… Thank god because a) it signals that my run of bad luck might be over and b) the late night meant I got four hours of sleep — I had to work in the morning — and if the date hadn’t turned out well I might’ve started setting things on fire.
I gotta say, I’m having far less luck this time around on Tinder. More guys flaking or my not finding them attractive in person or just generally turning out to be boring/gross as people.
It’s a bit baffling, but hopefully my luck is finally turning around.
And even if it isn’t, at least this stuff provides you guys with voyeuristic entertainment, right? Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to take a damn nap because it’s Sunday after the 11 p.m. date and I’m exhausted!
Anyone else have fun (or scary) dating stories?