Okay, before anyone panics, I’m not really going to change the name of my blog after 11 and a half years. Just breathe.
But I’ve been thinking lately about how, on some level, I probably ought to switch site names. Because the fact is that I just don’t pick up change that much anymore. And strangely, I think that’s a good thing.
I still like pennies
It’s not that I’m above grabbing up ground-change. Well, except when it’s the middle of summer and the coins have been lying there for [deity]-knows-how-long. I discovered the hard way my first summer here just how very, very thin jeans pockets are when you slide a scalding penny in your pocket.
The fact is that I just don’t see it much anymore. I assumed it simply meant that Arizonans were more diligent about picking up spilled coins. But Mom being here made me realize that, nope, there’s still change everywhere. She found at least one penny a day, and she only went on a couple of walks! Mainly it was just in parking lots or on store floors.
A shift in attitude
So the problem is clearly me. Or rather, where I’m looking. Which apparently isn’t at the ground.
And isn’t that kind of a good thing? I mean, I’m all for scoring a few disregarded cents, so the opportunity cost kind of sucks. But overall it means that I’m not looking down as much. I take this as a metaphor for — or, I suppose, just a flat-out consequence of — the easing of my depression over the years (and especially since the divorce).
It means I rarely duck my head down anymore, afraid (or simply unable) to deal with the real world and the people in it. Instead, I mostly meet life with eye-to-eye contact, curious about my surroundings (and the people therein) rather than trying to avoid it all out of shame or misery or whatever.
To be clear, I’m not saying that people who pick up change are depressed or miserable. Most of them are probably just keen-eyed. But for me I think it represents a shift in my ability to cope with the world. I keep my head up these days, which I think is pretty darn nifty.
So no, I’m not going to change my blog name. (Though for a few years I waffled about switching to Perfecting Imperfection.) But I do rejoice in the fact that, if the literal nature of a name matters, I probably should.
Anyway, my MAIN point
Anyway, on to the first part of the post title. It’s nothing major. Most of you will probably laugh. But I feel very strangely torn about a recent $3.25 purchase.
Yep, I’m writing about (probably) wasting $3.25. But this is a personal finance/sometimes-frugality blog so… What did you people expect if not obsessing over even small amounts of money?
So yeah… The issue is the recent purchase of a thrift store shirt.
A strange choice
Don’t get me wrong, I buy new (to me) shirts at thrift stores on a semi-regular basis. I like to switch up my wardrobe without going broke.
The thing is that the shirt doesn’t fit. Or doesn’t fit yet, if you (like me) are being optimistic.
I mean, it does fit. I wouldn’t be so ridiculous as to buy a shirt I couldn’t even get on. But it doesn’t fit flatteringly at the present moment. I need to lose at least three or four pounds before that changes. Maybe more? Hard to say.
Breaking my own rule
Now generally I’m against aspirational-size clothing. More often than not, you end up not wearing it — either because you never lose enough weight or because, even when the piece does fit, it’s not as flattering as you’d hoped.
And until you lose that weight, the purchase haunts you as money that could’ve been put into savings or invested.
The proof of this problem is two pairs of size eight jeans that have been sitting in my closet for months. In my defense, I was getting very close to my size 10s being too big, and that particular cut of jean is only available online. I didn’t want to wait until the jeans were falling down before ordering the smaller size.
But then I gained some weight back — okay, a fair amount of weight back — and never got down to a size eight. So that damn denim annoys the crap out of me simply by existing.
So why?
Given all that, then, why on earth would I intentionally put myself through the stress and guilt again with another piece of clothign that doesn’t quite fit?
Well, first of all — a few meals during Mom’s visit not withstanding — I’m back on my diet and am definitely shedding the pounds. That’s a big component.
But also because this shirt means something to me.
Fond memories
See, I used to own this shirt. Well, the same style (but in a size large whereas this one’s a medium). And I bought it at a very unique time in my life.
Specifically, I bought it the summer that I was recovering from being life-threateningly ill. I was 19, and I’d lost some weight from being so damn sick. And I found this fabulous shirt at Nordstrom.
At $50, it was ridiculously expensive for a department store shirt, especially by 1998 standards. But I loved it. I loved how it looked on me. And I loved the confidence it gave me because of how it looked on me.
So I bought it.
It was a huge splurge. But one that paid off because I wore that sucker a lot over the next few years.
Even when I gained some of the weight back, it was still pretty flattering. So it was frequently in the rotation when I went out. Until I really gained some weight and it stopped being flattering. After that, it stayed in the closet, gloomily reminding me of better times.
Disaster strikes
Then one ill-fated day, as I was trying it back on again to see how it looked at that current weight, it ripped.
The rip was under the arm at a seam, so totally fixable if I’d just asked Mom or Nadine to sew it for me. (Even if my sewing skills didn’t stop at re-affixing buttons, the material is very thin, and my own efforts probably would’ve made it weird/lumpy or torn it further.) So yeah, all I had to do was ask.
But somehow that felt like a big deal. Partially because the material was so thin that I thought repairing it might be a pain if not impossible. But also because it was something I didn’t know how to do, so it seemed like a huge ask.
An ignomious fate
Rationally, I knew it really wasn’t a big deal. That it was just the depression once again making a small thing feel huge and insurmountable. But the reason didn’t matter. All that mattered is that I never got around to the request. And the longer I didn’t ask, the harder making the request seemed. Until the very thought of it made me want to stuff the shirt away, which I did.
Yay depression.
So yeah the shirt was stuffed onto the back of a closet shelf for years. Eventually I rediscovered it while I was cleaning out the closet. By that point I was too embarrassed by everything the shirt’s still-there rip represented. Specifically, my inability to function with basic tasks thanks to depression that, despite my best efforts, still seemed to get the better of me all too often.
So I threw it away. Yes, it was dumb but… Oh well.
Things have changed
But now we flash forward to the present, when things are so much better — mainly thanks to the divorce.
It’s not just the lack of stress of having a second person to take care of, but the lack of stress from the financial drain of a second, very sick, generally rather expensive person to provide for/seemingly constantly placate with “stuff.”
Nixing all that stress has done wonders for my depression to the point where my medications actually ameliorate just about all symptoms.
Thus, when I found the exact same shirt (albeit in a smaller size) for $3.25, deep down I recognized all that it represented. And I couldn’t not get it. Even though, when I tried it on, the result was a little akin to sausage stuffed into a too-tight casing.
So yeah, I bought the shirt.
It’s all about perspective (and maybe weight loss)
For all I know, I’ll never quite fit into it. Which makes the purchase (however small) hard for me to swallow in some ways. But on the other hand, I’m heartened by all it symbolizes: a life of new possibilities, a recovery from adversity, etc.
And of course I’m hopeful that I’ll keep shedding these pounds that I gained back (and then maybe shed some more?) and will be able to wear it and once again look fabulous.
Mindfulness matters
Of course, I know logically that this concern over $3.25 is silly, especially since I recently and very intentionally increased my budget — by a lot more than $3.25. Even Mom (who is, if not the queen of frugality, certainly in the royal lineage) basically waved off my slight guilt by pointing out it was significantly less than getting a single takeout meal.
But I am trying to be intentional with my spending. I like to think through as many of my purchases as possible, even at the risk of over-analyzing some of them. It’s not so much what I spend (within reason, of course) but that I’m spending with a purpose.
It doesn’t even matter whether that purpose is a tad frivolous. Like, say, wanting a cute new top for the latest house party. What matters is that I’ve thought it through so that I’m not wasting money.
And this purchase, dear friends, was — at least on the face of it — wasting money. So it stuck in my frugality craw a tad.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize it was actually quite a meaningful purchase. So I guess it wasn’t a waste after all. Especially if I can ever fit in the damn thing.
What’s the last thing you “wasted” money on? Have you gotten out of any frugal habits for healthy reasons?
PS. It has been brought to my attention that you’d might want to actually see the much-lauded shirt so:
I ordered a yoga mat (~$70) online, and when it arrived I hated it. I tried using it in a few classes, but I got to the point where I was hating yoga because I hated the mat so much. Finally gave up on it and went back to my old mat.
Oof yeah that’s a pretty bad-sounding mat. Sorry it was so unpleasant. But hopefully it made you appreciate your old one all the more. That or you’ll only buy mats in person from now on I guess. Who’d have thought a mat could be so awful?
I totally understand! Some of my favorite thrift store finds have been things that I used to own. I have even named a skirt that I have owned three times and purchased in two different towns. (I wonder where Brickie is now?”)
I bought a pair of shorts in NY on vacay with hubbie. Twelve pounds later I purged my closet and out went the shorts. I was dumpster diving (not really, but that is what I call my brand of shopping) in the next town and there it was! Luckily I was 15 pounds lighter.
I am not usually sentimental about clothing, but I like clothes that remind me of trips and special times. Others may keep tea towels with Big Ben. I keep the Gore Tex raincoat that protected me on countless trips.
I think finds like yours are like finding a piece of treasured jewelry on the beach. You never know when things are going to wash up.
Haha I love that you’ve owned the “same” item three different times. It’s why I’ve resolved not to throw anything out from now on. Though I guess it’s safe to get rid of the size 16/18 stuff sitting in the garage for like 5 or more years now.
I love that you associate clothes with memories too! Especially if trips and other adventures.
I also believe in a sorta thrift store karma. I find great things. Like new reversible Patagonia jacket ($6). I have worn it a couple of times in the four years I have had it. There is a temptation to keep it. It is a neat jacket. Truth be told if someone borrowed it out of my closet and never returned it I wouldn’t miss it.
I am gathering a load of newish stuff for a foster care program. I know what some teenager will be thrilled to get it. I have more than a dozen coats. The girl I am picturing has been making do with just a hoodie on cold mornings.
I am adding the jacket to the pile. I know that that it will be returned to me someday if I need it, like the pair of shorts that showed up.
I love that concept! And I’m glad to hear that you’re making sure the stuff will be put to good use. I’m sure the foster kid who gets it will be immensely grateful to get something looks good AND does its job. Especially compared to a hoodie. Brrrr!
I waffle back and forth between getting rid of stuff and knowing full well my weight will swing in a range, and therefore keeping all the things. I love your re-find of a copy of the shirt that has so many memories! I’d love to see a picture to round out the story (you don’t have to wear it in the pic!).
I have a wasted-money story. I’ve been dealing with sock issues, saggy slumpy old socks etc. I bought several pairs of socks before the holidays on one of those deal-of-the-day sites – and I don’t really like the socks. The foot is too long and I don’t like the height the sock goes to. One or two pairs would be okay but I bought more than that.
Then last week I was dealing with more bad socks and, exasperated, ordered several pairs of rather expensive socks online. (they haven’t come yet so it’s too soon to say but I hope like crazy I like them – they’ll be worth returning if I don’t)
Then I went into a small department store downtown and found socks on sale for $2 a pair, and bought two – and love them. I have a feeling that allll the money spent on $$$ socks would have been better-spent in person at a local business where they’re having a killer sale.
Sigh. note to self: quit with the internet shopping!!
ha! I just saw you added a pic. cute shirt!!
Yeah, Internet shopping can definitely present problems. I’d buy socks online — and actually need to soon — but just about any other type of clothing needs to be tried on in person. I hope you love the expensive socks. Or I guess… Maybe I hope you don’t like them so you can return them for a refund? Not sure what I should be rooting for here, honestly.
that’s one risque looking shirt. we find money on ground all the time but only because we walk a dog. the other day i came home proud to say i found two nickels and a heads up penny for a total of 11 cents! mrs. smidlap told me she found six dimes and they were in the same area. i walked over the two pennies that were not heads up. she must have found the big 60c find and then some more snow melted to reveal the rest. i find cell phones, jewelry and lots of other treasures too.
mrs. me bought me some $1 thrift store shirts but they’re not good. i wish the wonder woman one was nicer because that would be tremendous work attire, but it’s not. nice post.
freddy smidlap recently posted…Malevolent Missy Invests, Stock Series #6 We bought SolarEdge Technologies (SEDG)
Haha, most of my going-out shirts are risque. I’m a fan of the low-cut shirt, I suppose. If you’ve got it flaunt it, right?
Glad you guys are finding so much money on the ground! A few months ago, I did find like 8 dimes in the grocery store parking lot. There was basically a trail of them, so I kept expecting it to be some weird set up. But no one popped out with a camera or whatever, so I just put ’em in my wallet and went on my merry way.
Glad you’ve been able to think this out, i.e., to realize what the shirt represents vs. just stressing out over not actually “needing” the garment. The unexamined life is not worth living.
— Your royal mum
P.S. Just wrote about my own found money, which includes the 37 cents I found in Phoenix.
Donna Freedman recently posted…Found money 2019: Not a banner year.
Indeed, sometimes all that matters is that you’ve really thought through a purchase. Even if some of that thought admittedly came *after* the item was bought.
I hate wasting money no matter what amount if I don’t use or wear the item. Your post reminds me that i should sel two unused exercise bras that have been in my drawer for 2 years!
Yeah, if they’re unused then I’m sure you can recoup some of your costs with a resale. Goodness knows, those suckers get expensive!
Did you try setting up a search for the shirt in large on ebay? You never know when someone might clean out their closet. I told my best friends about my depression and they don’t want to hear it. Apparently you can’t be both depressed and functioning. They haven’t seen the days when I can’t even manage a shower. It’s great to see you getting better.
I’m so sorry your friends aren’t more understanding. The only thing worse than having to admit depression stuff to other people is when it’s dismissed like that. You can absolutely have functional days and still be a depressive. And I definitely remember the days when a shower seemed too daunting to even contemplate.
I’m honestly not sure what the shirt is called, but I suppose I can try looking up the brand. Given that it was 20 years ago (though maybe they kept selling the style for a while or brought it back or something?) I’m guessing I won’t have much luck. But it never hurts to check!
The shirt is both a memory (a power memory) and a goal. If you never get into it, you can always frame it.
Not looking down: I’ve always said that is the problem with painting stop signs on the ground: not all of us are chronically depressed all of the time, so we never see the painted stop signs, and that is why there are accidents in those areas.
Yeah, ground stop signs can be dangerous things. I guess maybe it’s done in areas where the signs are repeatedly stolen? I never quite understood.
And I do love the idea of framing the shirt. I guess we’ll see how the next couple of months goes weight-loss wise and then I can decide.
A new logo would be nice. Your present one looks like it was designed by my 10 year old daughter in Word Art. In 2003. I like the blog, but you need to spend a bit of money on the banner.
Wow. That was unnecessary.
Thanks, Karen. 🙂
Duly noted.
Rude.
Thanks 🙂
While reading, I resisted the urge to just scroll to see if you were going to include a picture of it lol Cute! Is it crop? I think you’ll be able to wear it to your liking.
I somewhat recently bought a fancy workout tank that was slightly smaller than I like. I was getting back into running after a minor but ongoing pain. Then I moved. And gained 10lbs! I’m giving myself a year to see if I can fit the majority of my clothes again. I’m keeping the tank regardless (it’s ink n burn so it’s art-like so I could frame it 😉 ).
Noooo, definitely not a crop. Even when I was skinny (and 20!) I was too self-conscious to wear those. But yes if I can lose a few pounds then I think it’ll fit just fine. Let’s hope!
Good luck on the weight loss. Sometimes a simple stubborn “I’m not buying new clothes!” is enough to force us to shed the extra lbs. Let’s hope it works for me because there are soooo many delicious things out there tempting me. Glad you’ll be able to keep the tank no matter what, though. It does sound lovely!
You could make your shirt your home screen image for a bit. And think of the youngins.
Haha excellent point!
I was looking back on my facebook memories and looking at some the clothes that I used to own but donated, some that I still own and some aww, I loved that where did it go? And I’lll remember oh, yeah I grew to fat for that and didn’t fit it anymore or didn’t fit me right and I got rid of it. I guess now I want to buy more things that I’m in love with and if I do love to hold on it and not get rid of things to quick because I might be able to use/wear it again. I also tend to wear things out until I absolutely wear holes, and stains in them so there’s that as well.
I’m currently sitting here in an Old Navy shirt riddled with paint stains and an ever-growing hole in the underarm. (It’s part of my workout attire but still…) So I totally feel ya on the wearing things out beyond all reason point.
I’ve definitely felt the pang of growing out of things as I gained weight. I kept them around for a while in the vain hope that I’d lose the weight. Then I got rid of a lot of it. And of course a couple of years later finally started losing the weight. D’oh!
I think the key is definitely buying things you’re in love with. Because then you don’t need to buy as many of them, and you feel the value of each one that you purchase. I hope you find some good stuff soon!
Also wanted to not I found a nickel and several pennies at the Laundromat and even found a dime last time I did laundry. But you don’t go to Laundromat so I don’t know if that’s another missed opportunity? I love the name though.
I don’t go to the laundromat but I do try to remember to check Counstar. Unfortunately people have been much better about not leaving change in those anymore. Siiiigh.
Glad you’re finding some spare change though. It’s such a fun rush even when it’s only a penny.
I have an idea for displaying the shirt until you wear it. Find a nice wooden hanger. Find a place to place a hook, maybe on your closet door and hang it as art.
Hmmm that could work. If nothing else, since my closet door is smooth, I can just keep it displayed by slipping the hanger hook through the end of one that’s hung normally on the rod. So it’s kind of on display. Thanks for the idea!
Abby I feel you on this one. The other day I was getting off the bus to go to work and the man in front of me on the sidewalk did a leap-jump to get a dime. I wasn’t in a position to see it yet, but I don’t know if I would have. I have also found similar items to either things I own or used to own. Material objects should probably be less important to me than they currently are, but our things definitely tell a story.
This is the first time I’ve ever found an identical item of clothing to something I used to own, so it was pretty startling. And yes, we should be less attached to material things but we’re sentimental creatures, I guess.
Mom once stepped off a sidewalk to get change by the curb. There was no bus coming, but it made me incredibly jumpy. Hopefully, she doesn’t make a habit of doing that. Then again, how many people drop change on the road, I suppose?
Oooh I have a whole list of things I’m still irritated about having wasted money on: a new balance bike for JB, a pull up bar that has never been put up, a set of 5 light switches that never got installed (maybe they will be eventually but it’s going to annoy me until they do). I recognize that dwelling on it does me absolutely no good since it’s not going to make JB like the balance bike or get the pull up bar put in place. But the principle of it chafes!
I try to do better about waste on clothes but I still have misses even though I don’t even buy that much clothing. I bought two sweaters from Gap 2 years ago that are sitting heavy on my conscience because they don’t suit the purpose I bought them for (work sweatshirts but they aren’t nearly as warm as I need them to be since I don’t run the heat). They’re in perfectly good shape so I don’t want to toss them, but I know absolutely no one in my size to share them with. So they’re in my closet bothering me.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Money & Life Report: January 2020
Hmmm maybe check out your local Buy Nothing group or put the sweaters on Craigslist? I hate it when things aren’t as warm as they seem in the store. Or are warmer than I initially thought. I had to give away a perfectly nice sweater (that, frankly, I spent too much on) because I wouldn’t stop sweating every time I put it on. I’d thought it was just warm in the store but… Nope.
I hope the light switches get installed soon. It’s a shame that JB doesn’t like their balance bike. It’s so hard to predict what kids will glom on to and what they’ll disdain that I’m surprised more parents aren’t constantly despairing of “wasted” money spent with the best of intentions.
I don’t often shop online, but when I do, I just assume that some percentage of what I buy is not going to fit and that I will NEVER get to an Ann Taylor or Loft to return them (and since I tend to only buy sale/clearance online, it’s never worth mailing back).
My current solution is to take the NWT stuff I’ve bought to the refugee non-profit in the nearest city.
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…RBOC
That’s a lovely solution!
I only buy from stores that are relatively close to me so that I know I’ll return items if they don’t fit. Then again, I also refuse to buy most clothes online. Jeans are one of the only exceptions and only because Express only sells low cut ones online (grrrr). I’ve ordered shoes from Macy’s before, but again only because I know I can return them. And often have to, but oh well.
My options would be: Walmart, Target, and for some reason, Talbots. We used to have a Sears…
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…RBOC
We lose our my money for many unnecessary things
It can be good for you