I wanted to have a substantive personal finance post for today, I really did. I have some interesting (read: scary and frustrating) figures about the many Americans’ finances that I think will make good posts.
But I just can’t bring myself to write about them yet. Because I’m just plain tired. Everyone I talk to is tired. I think we have a collective political hangover.
It’s been a long road
Mostly recently, most liberals I’ve talked to were terrified something would happen in order to stop the inauguration. (I was seriously steeling myself for reports of a sniper during the swearing in.) And of course Trump supporters were fighting tooth and nail against what they believed to be election fraud. (While I vehemently disagree with them, I do believe it would still take a serious emotional toll.)
But of course, it started long before that.
Most liberals, many moderates and even some conservatives have spent the last four years wincing at/fuming about the latest news about what Trump said or did. There were times many of us were genuinely afraid he was edging toward war.
Now that the news is calmer — just about Biden’s plans and the inevitable murmurs of dissatisfaction from Republicans — I think most of us are declenching. And thus finally fully realizing how utterly psychically depleted we all are.
A year of white knuckles
I think most Americans have been in survival mode since spring. Yes, both sides of the political divide. And I hate that I have to include a damn disease as part of politics. But since I do…
People taking the virus seriously have been scared for themselves and friends and family — especially the high-risk ones — and as the numbers climbed, life only got scarier. We’ve also been frustrated because of course we miss our normal lives. (Well, “normal” for most of us. We all — but especially anyone declaring that this type of life isn’t worth living — should stop and remember that some people have to live like this all of the time.)
Add in isolation and the frustration/anger of watching other people be cavalier about the disease, worsening the pandemic, and it was frankly exhausting.
But I also accept that even people not worried about COVID felt they were in a fight.
In their heart of hearts, they firmly believed their liberties were being taken away. So they’ve spent the last 10 or so months decrying the pandemic fear and posting rants/articles supporting their beliefs. Obviously, I completely disagree with all of it, but it doesn’t change the fact that they too probably also feel like they’ve been battling since early 2020.
Then came the surge of protests for Black Lives Matter. I think we all knew what both sides feared and were angry about so I won’t rehash — lest I never get off my soapbox. Suffice it to say, that took a lot of our energy and emotions. (To all who believe in BLM, I hope we remember to keep working on ways to help, even in our exhaustion. I know I’ve fallen down somewhat in that regard.)
Then of course we had the election stress — long before the election took place.
First, there was the build-up to the election with both sides roaring about whether Trump/conservatives were chipping away at people’s ability to vote. Plus months of pretty much everyone in the country convinced that if their candidate didn’t win, the country was doomed. Then there was the painful wait for all of the votes to be counted. Then the aftermath where both sides of the divide felt they were fighting for a fair election. And finally, an insurrection which I hope made you very scared and supremely angry — no matter which way your politics swing.
And did I mention we were doing all of this while most of us were very distanced from friends and family? And millions of people had all of this plus the stress of trying to pay bills on diminished income.
After all, that who in the hell has any emotional resources left? Most of us are just depleted and missing friends and loved ones.
Running on empty
For all those reasons, most of us have nothing left to give. Truth be told, most of us have been running on fumes for months. But a lot of us just told ourselves we needed to make it til the election.
Well, and in the bigger picture, until a vaccine. But as that is many months away for most of us, I think most of us were just trying to survive until we’d better know the future of our country — no matter what we thought that should look like.
So some of us, I think, used the stress as a sort of psychic adrenaline to push ourselves through til the next swearing in ceremony. (Whoever we wanted reciting the words.)
To be clear, I’m not saying we pushed ourselves through well — and certainly not always emotionally intact. Just about everyone I know of has dealt with waves of anger, anxiety, depression and malaise.
But most of us — even people like me, who keep saying we just have to make it til the vaccine — kept telling ourselves we could have a nice, quiet breakdown once the election was well and truly over. And given that most of us initially expected that to be November, we’re very tired indeed.
A long ways to go
So yeah, most Americans’ emotional tanks are empty.
We’re weary. A lot of the country is pissed. And we hit the post-inauguration finish line only to see… another finish line in the distance: widespread vaccination.
Of course, we’ll make it there. But given how tired we are, it’ll likely be a grueling slog. I wish I had better news, but that’s just how it is.
Our heads and hearts are aching from the last year — or, depending on your political beliefs, from the last four years.
Trump supporters are heartsick at losing him and seem genuinely terrified of our country’s future. Biden supporters (or people who were just generally anti-Trump) are relieved, but still dread the inevitable political infighting that could stymie the legislation necessary to help Americans — both financially and in fighting the pandemic.
In other words, finishing the election process didn’t give us the relief we’d all hoped for.
All in all, we’ve got a collective headache, emotional nausea, political dizziness and extreme fatigue. In short, we have a political hangover.
Life goes on (that bastard)
Unfortunately, I’m not sure what the political/emotional equivalent of Gatorade and crackers is. And even more unfortunately, life refuses to stop, no matter how unwell we all feel.
We may all be stretched thin — at or well past our breaking points — but we have to pick ourselves up and stumble toward that second finish line. Even when we don’t feel like we have the energy to take a single step.
Alas, I don’t have any new suggestions for self-care. If you need suggestions, there are plenty of articles out there. And if you already know what works for you, please do that.
Because the fact is that it doesn’t matter if we’ve got nothing left to give. As I said, life marches on regardless; and it will require energy and will have an emotional toll whether we like it or not. Whether we think we have it in us or not.
So what now?
I think right now the most we can do is to retreat a bit into ourselves. The less you do, the smaller the deficit you build up. And you want that because, trust me, emotional and energy deficits are tough to work off.
So if you’re doing more than the bare minimum to keep you/your family functioning, consider scaling back somewhat — at least for a couple of weeks. Remember that you don’t have to get through the rest of the pandemic gracefully, let alone at levels worthy of social media posts. You just have to get through it.
That will likely mean a fair amount of telling yourself, “Yes, I feel crappy and tired. And that is perfectly understandable and reasonable.”
It may also mean some crying spells. I highly recommend letting yourself feel them as they come. You can take them in reasonable gulp-size or you can push them down until they become a flood you drown in. As someone who’s tried both methods, I can say that the former is much better than the latter.
And sometimes it just helps to know that you’re not alone and that whatever you’re feeling (as long as it isn’t treasonous) is perfectly fine. It’s okay to feel sad or tired or even numb. It’s okay to feel like you don’t know how you’ll make it through the next day or week. (Answer: inertia.)
Remember, when you have an actual hangover, you don’t go out and try to be productive. You hole up, lie around feeling sorry for yourself, puke as necessary and concentrate on hydrating and putting something in your stomach.
In short, you do the bare minimum. And there’s no reason to treat a political hangover differently.
Who else is tired? How are you planning to make it through the rest of the pandemic?
Lazy Man and Money says
I had the opposite reaction.
With the new year and someone running the pandemic (and the rest of the country) instead of a disinformation campaign, I felt like I could finally work to move forward.
We all have our different feelings and views, so I can definitely understand what you are saying about needing to take a break. There was “a lot” going on for the last several years, not that 2020 wouldn’t have been enough by itself.
Lazy Man and Money recently posted…Can My Wife Retire?
Abigail says
Hey, I’m glad some people have renewed energy. You guys can keep things going while the rest of us stumble around in a haze a bit longer, I suppose. But seriously, glad the new year is starting positively for you (well, comparatively speaking). Let’s hope I get there soon too.
Harry says
Aside from traveling, the Pandemic is mostly over where I live. We peaked in November and now there are hardly any cases. Everything is open including schools, malls and restaurants. It’s not bad at all. The government is still dishing out free money. It’s all a matter of perspective.
Harry recently posted…Stocks
Abigail says
“It’s a matter of perspective” is rather blithe.
First, many of us are still in hot spots, so even if it *were* a matter of perspective, I don’t see that helps most of the country.
Second, even if things had died down here, I’d be aghast at how the pandemic was handled and how many hundreds of thousands of people died and how many people are still going to die before this thing is under control countrywide.
Third, I’ll remind you that Europe had things mostly die down, reopened and then experienced large spikes. I heard a lot of people in rural America brag how life was normal and there were “barely any cases.” Aaaand then rural areas were hit hard — and were in deep trouble due to fewer hospitals — because everyone was being so relaxed. There’s a reason crazily popular content is called “going viral.” These things spread exponentially. So it only takes a few pre-symptomatic individuals being some of the few cases left and going about normal life to create a wave of infection. So if things have opened back up where you are, I truly hope everyone is still taking precautions.
Fourth, the government handing out “free money” is only true for those of us who don’t need it. There are millions of Americans without enough to eat. Again: millions of people starving in one of the richest countries in the world. And not just those who conservatives say should have planned better. Most people affected by the pandemic who had savings have burned through those funds with basic expenses. So no, it’s not “free money” for them. They pay taxes that fund the government. That is THEIR money they’re getting back. And even if they pay no taxes at all, a government’s job is to keep the country running — which it can’t do when millions are hungry and potentially homeless. So the government isn’t handing out free money. It’s doing it’s damn job.
LR says
The pandemic isn’t close to being over anywhere. Not in the US or anywhere in the world. Vaccine shortages everywhere.
I’m tired. So tired. Tired of being alone. Tired of family not taking this seriously. Tired.
The past few day I have not gotten much done. I’ve mostly slept but I’m not sick. I think my body is trying to heal from not only the last year but the last 4 years.
Yes, I am only doing the bare minimum. Thankfully today I’m snowed in,
Abigail says
I’m glad your body is making sure you get the rest it needs. There’s more than just physical illnesses that can hurt the body. I’m sorry that you’re as weary (or perhaps even more so) than I am. I wish it weren’t true that so much of the country is still reeling and exhausted. But… All we can do is try to heal and then move forward.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life says
Wow at the total flippancy of Harry. Just a matter of perspective? That’s tripe.
For us, without a vaccine for the littlest ones, we don’t even know. I need to figure out how we’re going to survive the school year. How we’re going to survive an infant. How we’re going to survive both with both of us working full time again. Too many questions, so few answers.
At least I don’t have QUITE the same level of existential dread from politics but even that still requires attention and fighting because damn if I’m going to be ok with them not pushing for impeachment or business as usual after all that has transpired. I have to contact our reps regularly in support of taking action.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…2020: Our year in review
Abigail says
I need to work on reaching out to reps too, I suppose. It just seemed so pointless when so many were Republican. I wrote an email to one against defunding Planned Parenthood (or maybe it was just cutting funding) and I got a form letter back about how proud he was of his decades spent fighting for the unborns’ rights. Blech.
It’s a better mix now I believe. So maybe my opinion will make a dent.
Cindy Brick says
Gee, and I thought I was the only one who felt this way.
Please bear in mind that while you’re looking forward to Biden’s administration with hope, there is also a sizable amount of the population who isn’t. Not only that, they’re being told they’re Nazis, fascist, should be rounded up in reeducation camps, etc etc.
So much for unity, huh.
Cindy Brick recently posted…Everybody Wears A Mask — No Exceptions!
Cindy Brick says
(Oops, I meant “de-program.”)
https://www.yahoo.com/news/fox-news-pushes-conspiracy-theory-190546960.html
No, I don’t think the Republicans will be rounded up, regardless of the ‘outraged at Trump’ soundbites. But I also don’t think this is anywhere near learning to compromise and work together. Which is what we really need.
Cindy Brick recently posted…Everybody Wears A Mask — No Exceptions!
Abigail says
Was just informed about AOC and Katie Couric’s comments. I think those were taken rather differently than they said/how obviously I seriously Couric meant it.
But even if they had that intention, most of us would make sure it never happened. Even if politicians could possibly move forward with such things.
Abigail says
I said in my post that there are people truly frightened for a Biden presidency, which I find strange given that Biden is an incredibly moderate Democrat. But I suppose some of his campaign promises weren’t. Anyway, point being my post did specifically reference people very much not looking forward to his presidency, so I’m not forgetting or ignoring them.
I haven’t heard anyone — not the most strident liberals, progressives and socialists online — talk about reeducation camps. Not saying no one is saying that at all (though I’d be interested to know who is reporting having heard this talk directly), but if any are saying such things, they are in the extreme minority and I’d venture to say that the public outcry from liberals alone would put a stop to serious talk of such camps — even if there were politicians okay with those types of human rights abuses. Which I don’t believe there are. So I hardly think that’s really an issue.
As for the rest… I feel like only the politicians are calling for unity. Not the populace.
While yes, our country does need to heal the divide (if that’s even possible at this point), most individuals I’ve seen or talked to are very angry about what transpired the past 4 years and aren’t ready to or even capable of just immediately letting it go. And I’m not sure they should yet.
No, all Trump supporters aren’t bad people, but he catered to — or, if you’re being charitable, he at least refused to condemn — the base of his supporters who are hateful, who do promote violence against people of color. And many of his supporters defended or justified what amounts to an attempted coup. And many defended him trying to alter the election. (Yes, I understand that they truly believe what he said about fraud, but a) we all need to learn to check facts for ourselves from multiple media sources and b) even before the election, before the alleged fraud, they had no problem with him screwing with the post office.)
The past 4 years have emboldened a lot of hate groups and a lot of people who supported actions — from the president and from citizens — that flouted the law. To be clear, I know that he’s not the first politician to flout the law — or even do it so blatantly — but I feel like the checks and balances that stopped or at least hampered previous politicians somehow failed with him. And I don’t think any politician has ever succeeded in making so many people refuse to believe litanies of facts staring them in the face. Even if you refuse to believe that media can present anything in a remotely unbiased way, they refused to accept Republican- and in some cases actual Trump-appointed judges rejecting his claims of fraud. That’s terrifying.
So a lot of people are very angry at the fact that under Trump literal Nazis were emboldened. As well many people who call themselves white nationalists which I think we can all accept is code for something far more sinister. A lot of people are angry that hate was so ignored that the week after the election there were people (a friend reported this from San Francisco) standing outside a school with many immigrant children and literally screaming at them to go back where they came from. That the last 4 years many of us had to watch in horror as checks and balances were either eroded or simply failed to be applied. Some of us were genuinely afraid democracy was crumbling — and yes, I know now the other part of the population feels the same way, there’s no winning right now I’m afraid — and let’s face it if any other sitting politician in any other country questioned the election outcomes and did what Trump did before and after the election, American politicians would have condemned them as trying for a fascist regime.
So no, not all Trump supporters are bad people. Certainly the majority aren’t Nazis. I think many were simply people scared for their future as they watched their industries dry up and towns’ economies wither — and were frustrated by the fact that they felt politicians didn’t care about their segment of the population. (Which isn’t unfounded.) So no, not all of them are Nazis and certainly not all of them supported the treason at the Capitol.
But they did support and many continue to support a man who refused to distance himself from the hate and who initially encouraged the people ready to commit treason. They supported and many continue to support a man who attempted to interfere with the election process, began promulgating distrust in the election results before votes were even cast, and lied about having evidence of fraud, causing a rather large segment of the country to see this current president as illegitimate, which will only keep the divide in this country going.
So most anti-Trump folks are going to take time to stop being so angry and they’re not yet interested in unity because it right now it would mean pretending that a lot of people in this country didn’t support some or all of the above.
At some point, we WILL have to find common ground, but there is a lot for many people to process and a lot of get over. So I think right now the onus should be on POLITICIANS to heal the divide — preferably not simply by ignoring all that came before — not citizens. They can do this with policies that help the people who feel so ignored and disenfranchised. I think politicians should be the ones who make sure Americans have viable ways to work (including training to learn new skills if their industries are faltering) to support themselves and their families, to make sure their voices are heard and their ability to vote not hampered.
If politicians can take care of the Americans who feel so ignored, I think perhaps they’ll start to feel like this democracy is actually doing what it’s supposed to: take care of its citizens and make sure they have an actual chance at a life where they don’t have to fight just to remain above the poverty line. Granted, I’m not sure those Americans will be thrilled with the programs it’ll take to do all of that. But hopefully the results will make them realize that this country hasn’t forgotten about them and does care about them.
But right now, I think it’s too much to ask many of us — especially those of us who lost loved ones in a pandemic that in many ways went unchecked — to immediately stop being angry.