Of healthy communication, too much pizza and not much else: A spending diary

These spending diaries are a way for me to be more cognizant of my spending. They’re also a peek into my daily life for those who care.

For those who are new, my style of “spending” is a little convoluted. I have two checking accounts. I keep the majority of my money in the secondary account, transferring $280 a week into the main account. But I charge everything to the card to maximize rewards. As charges accrue, I transfer money out of the main account into the secondary one. Then I make a weekly payment on my credit card.

A tad confusing, perhaps, but it works for me. Anyway, here’s how spending went this week.

Thursday

Email volume was pretty low, so I answered those, then climbed back into bed and chilled with Aaron for a bit. I was pretty tired, since we went to bed late.

He left around 9 a.m. and I tried to deal with some incoming emails and a few tasks while also talking to my friend with the relationship troubles. She wanted to know if she was being reasonable — she pretty much always is — and then we just fell to discussing the core issues, how much blame there was to go around, what things would look like if it doesn’t work out, that she’s not ready to say for sure it can’t get better, etc. That went off and on through early afternoon, as we both would stop to catch up on work and then type mini-novels on our phones.

I was still pretty weary, since I hadn’t gotten back to sleep when I lay back down. So the day sort of passed in a haze.

After work, I went and got a mini pizza and cinnamon sticks (fatigue = carbs), which were $17.39 plus a $1 tip, then came home and kept chatting with my friend while also munching and watching TV.

Aaron video called around 6;30 and we chatted for a bit, then I went back to TV and messaging with my friend. At 9 p.m. I started getting ready for bed, then called Aaron to say goodnight. We hung up around 9:30 p.m. and I was asleep by 10.

Total spent: $18.39

Friday

I was so out of it in the morning that I was completely confused by my alarm. Not “Why is it going off?” confused. More like “What is this noise? What’s happening?” But I guess that means I had been in a good, deep sleep.

There weren’t too many emails, so I caught up on those, scheduled some social media posts for the company, then checked on my other duties.

I had sent out a barrage of follow-up emails on Monday to try to get some older cases resolved. I’d heard back from quite a few of them, though some were just people promising to look into it. Still, I’d been able to close quite a few outstanding cases that week, so I felt semi-accomplished in my newer duties.

Then I could focus on my blog and cleaning up/scheduling the next day’s spending diary.

Someone in the trivia group asked if we could do a group chat, and a few of us were game with others saying they’d try to pop in.

I chatted with my friend Leila for a while, who showed me a great Instagram account (@thefemalewarhol), which has a lot of great posts about unhealthy relationships and remembering what you deserve. My favorite was “People meet you as deeply as they have met themselves.”

After work, I chatted with Aaron for a while. Around 4 p.m. he had to wrap up work with a few emails, so we ended the call. Then I ran to the store to get some food ($30.26).

I watched TV and chilled with Josie until it was time for the chat. We talked until a little before 10, at which point I was exhausted and said goodnight. I fell asleep around midnight.

Total spent: $30.26

Saturday

I woke up around 8 a.m. hungry, so I got up, fed the cat, grabbed a protein bar, climbed back in bed and ate fell back asleep til about 9:30 a.m. At that point, I got up and cleaned the shower stall and bathroom sink. But I was going to work out that day, so I didn’t do more than that and clean the litterbox.

I messaged Aaron to see how he was doing. Apparently, he hadn’t slept all that well (third night in a row) and was sore all over and had a headache. I told him to take it easy.

I texted my friend Jen to see if she wanted to watch something on Teleparty since I’d be free.

I messaged a bit with Leila and then FaceTimed with Mom for a while. She had to go a little before 1 p.m. So I got ready for my workout. Which I survived, if not happily.

Around 3 p.m., Aaron video called and we chatted for about an hour. In it, he mentioned playing pool. “When on earth did you play pool?” I asked. “Oh, you know, when we went to the bowling alley,” he said.

When you went to the WHAT now???

He apparently thought he’d told me, but he hadn’t. He and his friend had gone hiking and to an open-air museum. (I talked him shortly after that, which is probably why the second part, didn’t come up.) Apparently, as they were driving home, they passed a bowling alley and his friend — who is allegedly even more paranoid about COVID than he or I — saw a bowling alley and said she wanted to maybe play and they should go in.

I told him he really needed to have told me that because I did NOT like that idea at all. He apologized multiple times and assured me that it was a very large place — there was a tournament side and a regular side — and they were against one wall while the only other people there were against the other. Plus they only played one game, played a couple games of pool (also away from people) and then left.

I was still not pleased.

I understood he hadn’t purposefully kept it from me — and it was probably safe. But I don’t want to be in an enclosed building unnecessarily for any length of time. So the fact that he thought nothing of going in when his allegedly-paranoid friend suggested it was… not great.

As I said, he apologized repeatedly and three times in about 15 minutes commented that I still looked angry. I told him that I’d warned him in the past it takes me a bit to calm down once I get upset and that he needed to give me time. He joked “Are you dumping me already?” But I think he was a teeny bit concerned it was worth asking.

I did calm down after about 20 minutes. The tension eased, but if anything like that happens again, I’ll be asking him to ask himself “Would this make Abby nervous?” when an activity is proposed.

Later he very sweetly pouted a little saying that he wished I were there so we could cuddle.* This was at least 15 minutes after I had relaxed and started smiling and chatting again, so between that and him often saying he missed me, I don’t think he was just trying to make me forget his sin of omission.

I pointed out he needed to rest, so his solution was that he’d take a nap and then come see me. I had a feeling, so I decided not to start getting ready until I heard from him.

So I watched some TV and chilled out and sure enough, at 6:45 p.m. I messaged Jen saying clearly Aaron’s body had shut down for the night after so much bad sleep. So we started Bridgerton on Teleparty.

I fell asleep around 11 p.m.

Total spent: $0

* Yes, whatever we are, “casual” is probably not the exact best word to describe it. But we’ve talked about shying away from anything too committed or heavy so… “Casual” is the best I’ve got.

Sunday

I woke up at 9 a.m. feeling groggy but rested. I was a little annoyed that Aaron hadn’t messaged a quick “Oh crap, sorry!” text when he woe up. I was glad he’d gotten some sleep, but a quick apology for leaving me hanging seemed polite.

The tenant texted asking if I had a 9 volt battery because her smoke alarm was beeping. I didn’t, but my CarePass Extrabux had just come in, so I told her I’d get one when CVS opened.

I texted Aaron asking if he felt better. He replied not too much later that yeah, and he’d just done a heavy-duty workout. But he left it at that and still didn’t acknowledge he’d accidentally left me twiddling my thumbs. So I was slightly more irritated.

I took out the trash and just generally wasted time until the store was opened. I also had a 30% off discount, so I got a couple other things and still only paid $1.79 total. So I put $8.27 into saved savings.

I wrote up the next day’s post and didn’t finish til almost 2 p.m. It had been four hours since I’d heard from Aaron, and it wasn’t’ clear whether he was going to come see me that night to make up for the previous night. So another reason to be slightly irritated.

I tried videocalling but he didn’t pick up. He almost always misses my calling though (his phone is on silent), so that didn’t surprise me. He messaged about half an hour later saying sorry he’d missed my call, that he was running errands and that he’d call when he was done.

I just kept watching TV until he called at 4 p.m.

At 4 p.m. he called and observed that I looked tired. Guys, I can’t believe this needs to be said but you never need to tell someone they look tired. No one is ever happy to hear it.

Anyway, after I unsmilingly cleared that up for him, he started talking about various things and mentioned he had to go pick up some food a friend had made (and was leaving outside the house) and then had a 7 p.m. video call with someone from his old work who was having trouble with some code he had written.

So… I guess I wasn’t seeing him that night. Good to find out at 4 p.m.

Meanwhile, he didn’t reference the night before, but I didn’t say anything yet because I was trying to figure out how to address it. Thanks to my dad, I tend to get shaky and/or teary if I have anything remotely resembling confrontation, and I was worried that would happen here.

Aaron eventually noticed my reticence and asked what was up. I sorta shrugged, not quite sure I knew how to phrase it yet. But he said no, I needed to say something.

So I took a deep breath and a sip of water — and cleared my throat when my voice quavered on the first two syllables (thanks again, Dad) — then explained my irritation.

He nodded and said, “You’re right. Very rude. I apologize 100%”

He did offer a very reasonable explanation as to why he’d forgotten to address it (short form, everything kind of went wrong/required extra work, and he spent part of the day slightly dehydrated and out of it), but he said reasons aside, it was still very rude of him and he was sorry.

Is this… Is this what healthy relationships are like? Weird.

His old work called shortly after, and he said he had to take it. But first he started apologizing again. I cut him off and told him I appreciated it, but he needed to take the call so go.

I felt much better after the talk, so I watched some TV and tried to relax myself. Because yes, even that non-confrontation had made me a little shaky.

Obviously, I messaged a couple of friends what’d transpired. The friend with relationship issues was happy for me/proud of me for bringing it up with him. But then we fell to talking about her relationship woes. A long talk with her partner hadn’t helped much. Later, Jen called to say she was proud of me, and we talked for a while.

We said goodbye around 9:30 p.m. and I started getting ready for bed. I was asleep by 11 p.m.

Total spent: $10.06

Monday

I woke up to a ton of work. I had to text my coworker to politely explain why a shortcut she took will be problematic for my side of things. She agreed not to do it again, but it was a ridiculously lazy shortcut anyway. Grumble grumble.

While I caught up on emails quickly, I had a massive amount of secondary duties — mostly consisting of a bunch of data entry –plus dealing with case resolutions. In the end, I didn’t even finish getting everything entered by the end of the day, and I took maybe two 15 minutes breaks.

Aaron had called while I was working, so we chatted while I did the data entry. Apparently, he had an itchy throat and water eyes. I told him it sounded like allergies and to try Claritin. He agreed but said until we were sure it wasn’t something else, he didn’t want to come over.

I watched TV until a little after 8 p.m., when Jen was ready to watch some Bridgerton on Teleparty. But we started late enough that I had to bow out after one episode.

I started getting ready for bed around 9:30 p.m. and was asleep by 10:30 p.m. (Thank you, lord!)

Total spent: $0

Tuesday

I woke up knowing it was later than usual. I checked my iPad, and it still had power. But for some reason the alarm just didn’t go off. I keep it several steps away from the bed and the house is cold, so I would’ve remembered — if perhaps hazily — turning it off and going back to bed. So that was weird.

I got started on work and after three hours finally got caught up both on the overnight/morning emails and the rest of the unfinished work from the day before and weekend. Oof.

I messaged Aaron to see how he felt. He said he felt a little better but had briefly had a fever the night before. Ugh.

I dealt with emails as they came in and messaged some with friends. My calves were still too sore to work out again, so I had to put that off one more day.

After work, the four days of cold and dreariness had officially gotten to me. So I broke down and ordered pizza. Between getting an extra-large (leftovers!) and getting cinnamon sticks, delivery fee, tax and tip, the end total was $36.21. But it should last me several meals, at least.

I do want to try to eat better overall, but I’m working on not associating food with shame too, since that just leads to further unhealthy eating. So I tried not to feel bad about giving in to cravings, while also telling myself I can’t do this too often.

I watched TV for a while, and Aaron called around 6:30 p.m. We video chatted and he made some jokes when he found out I’d ordered pizza, since he knows I’m trying to eat more healthily. I stopped him and said he was very close to food shaming.

He quickly said he was just kidding. I said I knew he wasn’t serious, but it was still dangerous territory because I have such a complicated relationship with food. And that if it went much further I… wouldn’t have a great reaction.

He protested he really hadn’t been serious. I reiterated that I knew, but it seemed smarter to tell him he was getting close to a landmine than to wait until he stepped on it. So he changed the subject. Smart man.

Then he wanted to take a quiz about attachment styles that I’d been looking at. But between him being slightly dopey from his nightly puffs on the pot pen (for sleep), English being his second language and him liking to joke around, it was it took for-e-ver.

I was actually annoyed by the halfway point because he kept joking around and it was getting late. Further on, I snapped at him about his wanting to take it, it being almost my bedtime and him needing to answer the questions seriously or not.

Lest you think I was being pissy, at this point it had been 45 minutes and we were still only 80% of the way through an allegedly five-minute quiz.

Around 9:30 p.m. his phone started an update and cut off. So I was finally able to answer some friend’s messages. Thus I wasn’t ready for bed until almost 10:30 p.m. but I fell asleep almost immediately.

Total spent: $36.21

Wednesday

I woke up to a decent number of emails, so it took me a couple of hours to get through those. Then I had my other duties.

I tried to be extra loving with Josie, knowing that she was gonna be mad at me the next day when I took her to the vet.

The rest of the day was pretty relaxed. Aaron called and we video chatted for a bit. He was worried about the fever he’d had, even though it was brief, so he scheduled a COVID test for the following day.

After work I watched TV until Jen was ready to watch more Bridgerton on Teleparty. Unfortunately, I was beat, so with one episode left to go, I had to go to bed. I couldn’t make it another hour.

I got in bed around 10 p.m. and fell asleep around 11.

Total spent: $0

Total spent:$94.92

Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever had such a low spend week! I guess I’d better enjoy it while it lasts.

How did everyone else do spending-wise?

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Of painful delivery fees, groceries and playing it safe: A spending diary

Of makeup cleaners, parfaits and pure exhaustion: A spending diary