My brain makes no sense.
My anxiety is up and down as I’m starting to go out again. Sometimes my brain freaks, sometimes it’s calm. And not necessarily in proportion to the risk.
First an overarching issue: I think in general getting the vaccine has made me a little lax about COVID. Because with the variants floating around, being vaccinated doesn’t make me bulletproof.
But I have read that Pfizer is apparently about 95% effective against getting a severe form of the COVID South African variant and about 75% effective against getting it at all.
Still 75% is a lot different from the 90ish percent efficacy the vaccine had on the previous strain(s). And only 20.8% of the people in my county are fully vaccinated. So in general I think I need to be more vigilant. Without slipping into hypervigilance. Whee.
That said, post-vaccine life is somewhat safer. So I can’t figure out why I’m anxious about some things but not others?
For example, I’m anxious about a pool party that may be rather well-attended — even though I’ll mainly be outside and all attendees will have had their shots — but have been mostly relaxed in bars. And I was okay being mainly indoors at a birthday party and a board game night, both of which had more than the recommended 10 people in attendance. Everyone there was vaccinated, but still… It’s weird.
I think part of it may be other people putting me at ease. When other people are calm, I’m less jumpy. Some of it is probably just how surreally familiar it feels to sit around talking to other people. So I think maybe I forget to be as concerned.
And some of it is precautions, I suppose? Indoors among vaccinated people doesn’t feel as scary as it probably still should.
And in all but one of the bars where we weren’t either right by a big window or the whole place had big windows open, there was plexiglass between booths and people still wear masks when they get up from tables. So I guess I was less concerned about other people’s germs wafting our direction.
But there was one bar where that wasn’t the case. Since there weren’t any boots, only tables, there was nothing stopping potential COVID cooties from being blown our way by the strong A/C necessary now that temps are climbing. Yet it didn’t occur to me until this morning that the setup was worrisome.
Though maybe I should blame that in-situ calmness on the alcohol consumed at the first, plexiglass-using bar.
Even so, this intermittent anxiety seems to have very little rhyme or reason. I still wear my mask everywhere. I stay far more than six feet apart from people at the gym whenever possible. (Though that’s probably in part because quite a few aren’t masked.) And I decided against going to one trivia event in another MeetUp group I joined because the restaurant didn’t make its employees or customers wear masks. And when I get back on dating apps soon,* I’m not going to want to meet anyone who’s not vaccinated.
Yet I’m worried about a pool party — where I’d likely be spending most of the time outdoors and, again, everyone will be vaccinated — because there might be too many people there? What gives???
Anyone else dealing with uneven anxiety about going out or other activities?
*I get into it in a future spending diary, but yeah, Aaron is out of the picture now. It was incredibly amicable and we’re still friendly.