For those who are new, my style of “spending” is a little convoluted. I have two checking accounts. I keep the majority of my money in the secondary account, transferring $250 a week into the main account. But I charge everything to the card to maximize rewards. As charges accrue, I transfer money out of the main account into the secondary one. Then I make a weekly payment on my credit card.
A tad confusing, perhaps, but it works for me. Anyway, here’s how spending went this week.
I woke up and got through emails, then chatted with some dating app guys.
I went to the mechanic at 10 a.m. for my oil change ($66.19). I messaged with some folks til that was done.
I played on the app and started to some more guys. Since about 30% are turning out not to be vaccinated and at least 1/3 of the guys you talk to end up not being a good match or just disappear on you, it’s important to keep swiping. Whee.
Unfortunately the guy from the previous two nights was probably going to work pretty late. But we messaged a bit and I said to let me know if his schedule changed.
The workday went by pretty quickly, then I worked out again. Yay me! I went home and vegged out to some TV. While messaging with app guys, obviously.
I was getting ready for bed around 10 p.m. when a guy asked if we could do a phone call. He and I had been trying to text for a couple of weeks, but he had gone quiet for a week or so. I had followed up earlier in the week, and it turned out he’d gone to Texas to meet with his siblings about how they could take care of their mom and dad, who are failing in health. Hence the silence.
We ended up talking for almost an hour, but I fell asleep shortly after. So I was asleep around 11:15 p.m.
Total spent: $0
I got up and got through emails, then messaged the guy I had a date with that night to see if we were still on. I half hoped he’d say no.
He wasn’t communicative in our messaging — something I discovered after I’d impetuously already agreed to a date. He asked for a date almost immediately when we had matched the prior weekend, but when I said I was busy that weekend, he proposed the next Friday. So I found myself here.
I knew I could always cancel, but I am trying to remain open to all possibilities. So I sighed and started mentally preparing.
During the day, I ran out to get some hair dye for my roots ($4.06), then went to Fry’s ($6.69) and Dollar Tree ($1) for some munchies. I wanted to make sure I had a full stomach, since it didn’t look like the bar served food. And even if it had, I didn’t want to run up a charge if, as I suspected, he turned out to be a dud.
I paid for the food and hair dye with the prepaid gift card I was finally getting around to using, so nothing came out of weekly funds.
I came home, finished work, had my personal training video session, then ate while watching TV. I got ready for my date and met him at 6:30 p.m. It was… not great. I don’t want to get into it here, but hopefully I’ll have a Worst of post ready for you folks soon.
We ended the date at 8 p.m. and I went home annoyed that a very good hair day and general cuteness had been wasted.
I chatted with a couple of guys and ended up matching with a guy on Tinder. I decided not to let the effort I’d put into my appearance go to waste, so we agreed to meet. He wasn’t super into bars, so he suggested a meet in the park. Not the safest idea, but I knew the one beside me is pretty well lit — and has plenty of houses who would hear me scream if he turned out to be a bad guy (dating as a woman is swell) — so I said there was a park “near” my place and gave him directions.
We chatted for about an hour before calling it a night. He was nice enough, but kind of jittery. When he walked to his car, I headed over to the alley behind my house so it looked like my house was elsewhere. Then waited for him to drive off before going around front and going inside.
It was past midnight but for some reason I goofed around on the Internet until 2:30 a.m. Eesh.
Total spent: $11.75
Because I went to bed late, I was bleary-eyed as I caught up on emails. (It was my overtime weekend.) And I was woefully behind on my spending diary, so I caught up with that.
Then I confirmed my date for that night and lay back down.
I felt a bit better when I got back up. I dealt with the few emails that had come in, then I washed my hair so I could dye it. (I cover my gray roots with a powder when I go out, so I had to wash that out to make sure the dye stuck.) I blew my hair dry, then did the dye.
Josie’s monthly charge for her Banfield plan hit the card for $33.95.
I watched TV and answered emails as they came in. My date was at 8 p.m., and it was a 20-minute drive; so I started getting ready toward the end of my shift.
The place was supposed to be a restaurant, but apparently it was also a steakhouse and a sports bar with a wide open area to sit around in. Unfortunately, there was a $5 cover because of a UFC fight that was being shown.
The guy was already inside, so I couldn’t suggest we go elsewhere even though it was really loud. I was going to pay for my cover, but he whipped out his card before I get my wallet out.
I didn’t initially feel a big attraction — he had a small tummy, and I’m really shallow — so I said I wanted to pay for the drinks since he’d paid for both of our cover fee. The total was $12.43 after tip.
We sat down and talked and… There was something just very appealing about him. He seemed kind and we laughed a lot. I thought we had been talking for maybe two hours, but it turned out to be three and a half.
We called it a night, but I gave him my phone number and we agreed we would make another date. He was going to Vegas with his son for the kid’s 21st birthday, so it probably wouldn’t be right away. But it was nice to at least have had one positive date that weekend, since I wasn’t super optimistic about Sunday’s date.
On the way home, I was hungry. I stopped off at Jack in the Box and got fries and a milkshake. The total was $9.93 — ouch! But if it means employees get paid something close to a livable wage (the minimum wage here went up to $12 a year or so ago) then I guess I shouldn’t grumble overly.
I came home, ate my fries and sipped my shake. (I should’ve gotten a small. I only made it through about half.) I went to bed around 1 a.m. and fell asleep almost immediately.
Total spent: $56.31
I woke up feeling rested, thank goodness. I got through emails and a couple of my other duties at work.
I worked on a blog post until Mom was ready to FaceTime around 1 p.m. We chatted for quite a while, so afterward I caught up on the few emails that had come in.
Then I mainly just chilled out until it was time to get ready for my date.
I met him at a sports bar at 7:30 p.m. Thankfully, the Suns game was almost over because the crowd kept erupting in cheers. People are going crazy for the team this year. You know, since they’re actually good.
I was a little disappointed because I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. But the more we talked, the more that changed. And I’m 95% sure it wasn’t that second cider.
We chatted until 10 p.m. and agreed to see each other again. I got home around 10:30 p.m. and fell asleep around 11 p.m.
Total spent: $0
I got up, got through emails and then plunked around online. I made the mistake of searching Amazon for dresses with pockets. I have no idea why. I’m not really a dress gal.
But the main barrier there had always been that I don’t do well in heels. And don’t have many occasions to wear dresses. However, I had just recently found some very cute flats cheaply, and these dresses were cute but still capable of being casual.
At any rate, the search was a mistake because I quickly had six styles I liked. One of the ones I really wanted, though, would require a strapless bra, which I don’t own.
I realized that was kind of a big wardrobe staple to not have — regular bra straps rule out a surprising number of items in women’s fashion — so I checked Victoria’s Secret (in case there was a sale) and Kohl’s. Neither had impressive prices.
So I went to Maidenform (through Mr. Rebates, of course) and found a well-reviewed one that was on sale for $14. Sold! After tax, it was $15.20 and I’d get $0.64 cash back.
The rest of the day went relatively quickly. I did my training session, but I started dealing with really bad cramps. So I went and got some munchies and watched TV and felt sorry for myself for a bit.
I went to trivia — where I learned that one of the co-organizers doesn’t believe in vaccines (which alone would make me rethink the group) but also they’ve been meeting since October. When Arizona had one of the worst COVID surges in the country.
I’m terrible at confrontation, so I stayed through the last round. I tipped the waitress $2 out of walking around cash (I didn’t order anything, but she was still monitoring my water) and left.
I got home around 10:20 p.m. and ended up talking to one of the dating app guys for more than an hour. Oops. We’ve been chatting off and on for weeks, so we agreed we should meet soon.
I fell asleep around midnight.
Total spent: $23.71 ($21.71 out of weekly funds)
I woke up and immediately knew it was late. I’d forgotten to bring the iPad (my alarm clock) back to the bedroom after my training session. So I didn’t hear the alarm over the floor fan I run at night.
I wasn’t too late, and I got through emails relatively quickly. I checked in with the dating app guy to see how he was doing — he had been recuperating from what he suspected was moderate heat exhaustion — and said to let me know if he felt up to meeting. But absolutely no pressure and not to push himself.
I putzed around, chatting a bit more on the app.
Then I made the apparent mistake of telling a (non-trivia group) friend that I wasn’t going to go back to the trivia group from the previous night.
It was… not a good conversation. As in, I cried off and on throughout the interaction.
Look, I’m keenly aware that my level of concern about being around unvaccinated people — especially ones I won’t have physical, let alone intimate, contact with — is almost pure paranoia. I am the first to admit that I understand logically that I should be fine. But as I always then add: “I know it, but I don’t feel it. So it doesn’t help me.”
My paranoia is rooted in hypervigilance — one of the last vestiges of my PTSD from when I got so sick. Ya know, that other time when medical statistics said I was in basically extremely little danger, but I ended up on life support for three months, had to learn to walk again, needed months of physical therapy and was left with lifelong chronic fatigue.
So when I tell someone a step I’m taking to feel safe — not to just know with cold logic that I’m “probably” safe — it’s hurtful to then hear why it really isn’t that risky and they wouldn’t worry and here’s more logic after I just said I know this isn’t based in logic.
Folks, it’s embarrassing to know how badly your brain is malfunctioningamd not be able to change that. So imagine how humiliating it is to then have to defend why you’re listening to your factory-reject brain anyway.
As some of you know, I spent months in near constant terror of being eaten by a creature I knew to be utterly fictional. My therapist didn’t try to reason with me. He said that if I constantly pictured finding myself weaponless around a zombie, I should put something I could use as a weapon in every room. (We had a screwdriver in each bathroom for ages.)
Staying away from people I know to be unvaccinated is my screwdriver here. It’s not necessary, but it makes me feel better.
Also, this conversation packed a whammy because I really didn’t foresee the friend seeing “I don’t want to be be friends with people who were assholes in a goddamn pandemic” as such a radical take. Kinda blew me away. And made me realize I needed to step back from this person. Which was going to hurt.
So yeah, I was deeply unsettled and kind of upset and even intermittently teary for the rest of the day.
After work, I decided to skip the gym because I was unsure if/when I was going to start crying. But at 5 p.m. I I did pull it together enough to pick up a prescription ($34.87) at Fry’s. While I was there, I got some consolation food ($7.19).
I watched TV and munched. Then realized it was June 15th and I was supposed to have paid my estimated taxes that day. Craaaaaap. I managed to get them in before the cutoff, apparently. But that was a surge of stress I hadn’t needed.
I settled back down to watch TV — except the show had a major character experience a miscarriage exactly like mine. And while I’m mostly at peace with my five miscarriages, I think the bad memories just added to the sense of impending loss I was feeling. So when I went to the kitchen to refill my water bottle I burst into tears and spent multiple minutes leaning on the kitchen counter sobbing. So that was great.
I turned off the program and lay down on the bed and was still crying a bit. Once I calmed down, got ready for bed. I was asleep around 9 p.m.
Total spent: $42.06
I didn’t want to get up. I really just wanted to lie in bed all day feeling sorry for myself.
But I got up and answered emails and tried to look forward to my massage that afternoon.
I messaged with some people, venting about what was going on and how I just honestly felt emotionally dazed. Ever feel like your feelings are swathed in cotton? That was me.
I permitted myself a rare instance of retail therapy and bought some Tarte makeup items on sale. Nothing was over $15, but it still added up to $64.07 after tax. I don’t take amounts that large out of weekly funds.
I also noticed in the mirror that I had missed more of my grays than I thought. Argh. So I ordered a root touch-up box (I usually just use the regular dye) so I could use the brush to get everything this time. I also ordered a piece of makeup I was running out of. There was a 20% off sale plus a coupon on each item, so I paid $7.19 and $4.60 went into Saved Savings.
I came home, dealt with the dye then hopped in the shower and left for my massage.
The massage helped a lot. My neck was tensed and achy from stress and the previous night’s sobbing seemed to have tweaked it too. It was much looser when I left. The massage was $40 and I tipped $15 cash, which was already accounted for when I took out the $20 bill a couple weeks previously.
On the way home I was ravenous, so I picked up some Dairy Queen for $11.06.
I came home, ate, talked to some guys and decided to skip trivia the next day so I could calm down a little more. I figured I could just say I wasn’t up to it. The group would be supportive.
Since I had the night free, I set up a date with a guy I’d been talking to off and on for weeks. He was very promising, so I hoped there was good chemistry.
I called it a night around 10 p.m.
Total spent: $130.13 ($51.06 out of weekly funds)
Total spent: $263.96 ($182.89 out of weekly funds)