For those who are new, my style of “spending” is a little convoluted. I have two checking accounts. I keep the majority of my money in the secondary account, transferring $250 a week into the main account. But I charge everything to the card to maximize rewards. As charges accrue, I transfer money out of the main account into the secondary one. Then I make a weekly payment on my credit card.
A tad confusing, perhaps, but it works for me. Anyway, here’s how spending went this week.
I woke up in a less than sunshiney mood. There had been a snit with my closest friend the night before. And I woke up to a reply to my message from the night before — which had said that I didn’t appreciate the tone of her group comment to me — that was somewhat in-depth. I typed some of my response, but it was involved and I was sad and emotionally weary — and also should have been working.
So I addressed emails and then just edited/added to my response off and on all morning as I had down time. It wasn’t an argument at that point. Just me clarifying some things like the extensive restrictions her requested boundaries around dating app stuff created.
By the end I was sad and emotionally and physically weary. So I lay down when I caught up on work, but couldn’t doze much. I woke up feeling marginally better, but not much.
My friend responded and said she hadn’t meant to make me edit that much of my life and she’d try to get more exact boundaries set up and what did I need from her now?
It was a very sweet question, but I honestly didn’t know. I said I was having a pretty bad mood day and if it hadn’t been hot in my house I likely would literally be under the covers at that point. I was just feeling… a lot.
- I missed Aaron (remember these spending diaries have a slight lag, so the cutoff hadn’t occurred yet.)
- I wasn’t super excited about any of the dating app guys yet
- The date I wasn’t even all that psyched about got cancelled
- I was still calming down from the back and forth with my friend
So I just generally was wondering how bad it would really be if I turned the HVAC to 65 and hide under the covers for real.
I was supposed to go to a singles event in Scottsdale and it was multiple MeetUp groups hosting. Logically, I knew it would be a potentially good chance to meet some interesting people and maybe some cute guys to distract me from the Aaron nonsense. But it was a bowling event, and I’ve never been good at that. And I just wasn’t sure I had the heart in general.
Aaron videocalled and we chatted and I ended up crying about what a crappy time I was having. So that was great.
Somehow he made a convincing case for using a Groupon he had for bowling. I have no idea how. But he dropped by at 5 p.m. and we went and bowled.
I was better than I remembered but got worse as time went on. I think my hand and wrist muscles just got worn out.
But at the alley, we kept forgetting and holding hands or whatever. And he had almost kissed me when he first showed up. I had to duck my head to the side. Greeeaaaat.
I got back around 8 p.m. With Aaron. Hopefully, enough said.
We got some takeout, which I paid for since he’d paid the last time. It was $22.45.
Total spent: $22.45
Aaron left around 8 a.m. And I was sad (and had been off and on the night before) and disheartened because I knew I’d have to start from scratch in getting over him. Ugh.
I discussed the issue some with a couple friends. Otherwise the day was pretty mundane.
I worked out and, on the way home, grabbed some groceries ($20.44). I ate and then got ready. My friends and I were going to an immersive bar made to look like an old-timey train.
We were going to meet at 6:30 p.m. for some food, then go to mini-golf potentially, then hit our 9:15 reservation. (The bar is so small you basically have to make reservations, and you can only stay for 90 minutes at a time.)
But everyone ran late, so we agreed to nix mini-golf from the schedule. So they suggested the same restaurant company in a different location. My friend Leila didn’t pick me up until 7 p.m. and we were so harried that we went to the wrong one. (She pulled up the restaurant’s name and it gave her the downtown address.)
We trekked back to the car and zoomed up to the correct place. We had time to eat still, so I spent $35.10 on a drink, an entree and tip. We then headed to the bar. It was a lot of fun, and considering the huge group drink we shared plus the drinks we got ourselves, $51 didn’t seem like a terrible bill.
The person who makes the reservation gets charged for the bill, so we agreed to Venmo him the money in the next few days. So I won’t count the funds as spent on this day.
After that, we needed to sober up a bit before driving, so we went to a bar that had games. We did all end up getting a drink there ($11.27 for me), but then we sat around and sobered up.
I got home at 2 a.m. but wasn’t quite ready for bed. So I didn’t fall asleep until 3 a.m. Eek!
Total spent: $66.81
I was determined to get enough sleep so I ended up sleeping in til noon. Eesh.
Then I noticed my Internet wasn’t working. Greeeaaaat.
I called Cox and we tried to get it to work again. But even a wired connection from the modem wasn’t giving me a signal. In the end, they had to set up a technician appointment for Monday morning.
So apparently I was just going to be using data all weekend. And I had dating app guys to find and talk to so I could get back to getting over Aaron. So I set to swiping.
Between OKCupid giving me a ton of guys 30+ miles away and my having to care about substance while still finding a guy who is in decent physical shape, I was swiping left soooo often that it was incredibly disheartening.
I had a rooftop board game night I was going to make an appearance at in the evening. So after my workout, I swung by Fry’s to pick up a seven-layer dip and some chips. But the dip there didn’t look very good, so I just picked up the chips ($2.50) and figured I’d hit Safeway when I headed out to the party.
I ran late — a common thing these days for some reason — so by the time I picked up the dip ($7.99) and got downtown, everyone else had been there for a bit. But they were having margaritas as the restaurant below the apartment building, so I hadn’t missed anything.
Eventually we got upstairs and played a couple rounds of a board game. But I was a bit tired, so I said my goodbyes around 9 p.m.
I went through more profiles and chatted with some dating app guys for a bit when I was home. I called it a night around 11 p.m.
Total spent: $10.40
Still no Internet. Which also meant no streaming entertainment.
Friends were going back and forth about brunch, and two of us decided to go. But just as I was done getting presentable, the guy announced that his furniture delivery had been delayed til 1 p.m.
I did more dating app activity, then went to work out at 3 p.m.
I got home and knew I should eat, but I didn’t want anything. Eventually, I forced myself to go to Cracker Barrel so I could get French toast like I had wanted to earlier. After adding a half dozen biscuits, plus tip and tax, the bill was $18.54. But I was taking the biscuits home, so I’d get more than just one meal from that amount.
I went back to the app — hope swiftly dwindling — and went to sleep around 10.
Total spent: $18.54
I got up and burned through yet more data using my phone as a hotspot to catch up on emails. I got offline as soon as I had finished, and thankfully the technician got there only 30 minutes into the two-hour arrival window.
And it turned out the modem was fine. It was the router. The reason the wired connection hadn’t worked was because I didn’t know that when you switch devices you need to power the modem off and then back on. Siiiiigh.
I waited for Best Buy to open, then grabbed a new modem and a five-year protection plan (the old router had been far too new to go kaput). Since my business paid for it, and since these diaries are about personal spending, I won’t tally the expense here.
I apent almost an hour getting the router set up. Eventually, I figured out I couldn’t just connect but instead had to input my static IP. Something that’s never been necessary before, incidentally. Once I found and put that information in, everything ran smoothly and I was slightly less on the verge of tears.
I got caught up again then just chilled out. I was inexplicably weary even though I’d gotten enough sleep for days. My legs had been a bit tired the previous day, and I worked out anyway. So I suspected it was from that.
I told my personal trainer I was a bit fatigued, so he scaled back the workout somewhat.
After that, I sat around, ate the previous day’s biscuits and apple butter, and enjoyed being able to stream TV again. And of course, play on the dating app. Though “play” makes it sound fun, and it was not.
I did find a few candidates. But again, lots of left-swiping. I began to wonder if my previous strategy of shallowly seeing hot young 20-somethings had really been such a bad thing after all.
I went to bed around 10 and fell asleep before too long.
Total spent: $0
I got caught up on emails, then went to the blog and finally edited and posted the spending diary that was supposed to have run Saturday. Oops.
And since I hadn’t had access to the blog Saturday through Sunday (and then was too weary on Monday), I had to backtrack to catch this spending diary up. I had to dig through my credit card charges and try to remember what I’d done for the previous three days.
In and around that, I messaged with some promising guys on the dating app. Somehow I made it through my workday and then went to work out.
The workout started later than I meant to and crunches plus stretching took longer than expected, so I had to race home and then text the guy I was meeting that night to say that even if I hurried I was going to be about 15 minutes late. I hate running late but it’s the leit motif these days.
I got through with everything and sure enough arrived at the restaurant about 15 minutes after the initial time.
The guy showed up. Bonus: He actually looked like his pictures and was very nice. Not bonus: He was… not smart.
I kind of figured this going in, but I’m trying to give every guy (well, guy who’s vaccinated and doesn’t get creepy/gross) a shot. I want to distract myself from Aaron, but also given that my radar has been bad in the past, I figure I should rely on it less to rule people out. Instead, I can use my copious free time to meet them and see if they surprise me in person.
I’m sure this will lead to plenty of lackluster dates, but I won’t wonder if I missed someone worthwhile.
I thanked him for dinner, and he didn’t try to hug and didn’t mention another date, so I think he wasn’t feeling it either. Phew! (But also, hey what the hell?! I’m awesome!)
I went home, messaged more on the apps and got in bed around 10:15 p.m.
Total spent: $0
I got up to several messages, so I fielded those after I caught up on emails. But emails kept dribbling in and I had my secondary duties. So somehow it was noon before long.
I worked a bit more, then got ready for my 4 p.m. date. We were hitting a happy hour, which I found charming.
I got ready just in time to make it to the restaurant — and then realized I needed to fuel up the car. Sigh. That was $33.34.
I got to the restaurant aaaaannnnd… The guy was at least three years older than any of his profile pics (which already ranged in age more than they should) and despite choosing “fit” he had a small belly and a bit under his chin. Also, he had adult braces — which themselves aren’t a dealbreaker but that’s still something that needs to be shown in pics or mentioned in your profile.
Even better, in the conversation I found out that his profile was only three weeks old.
Dating apps are greeeeeat.
We had a pleasant time chatting for a few hours, but I wasn’t attracted to him. I stuck to water rather than get a cider and just ordered a $5 happy hour pretzel. I try not to run up a bill if I know I’m not going to see the guy again.
Unfortunately, despite my even mentioning in an anecdote that I have an issue with anything remotely resembling confrontation with men, he point-blank asked me at the end of the date if I wanted to do it again or not.
Guys, don’t do this. Even women who don’t have trauma feel uncomfortable saying no. Beyond the fact that we don’t know who has a temper, we’re raised not to upset people and keep everyone happy. So turning a guy down in person is incredibly difficult for many of us.
So I said yeah and explained my schedule still hadn’t been nailed down (true) so I’d have to get back to him. When we got up to leave, I said I was going to use the bathroom on the way out. He asked if he should wait (???) and I said no , that was okay. I guess I said it too fast because he gave me a look that said he realized I wasn’t into a second date. So I guess bullet dodged?
The place was right by a Trader Joe’s so I went over and treated myself to some consolation kettle corn ($2.49) and drove home.
I was annoyed and tired and just feeling negatively toward this whole dating thing. Aaron videocalled to say hi and see how my date went. And I was just missing him so I was crying silently and we had to have a talk again about him talking about missing me — adding that he needs to not call me “beautiful” or “babe.”
I also had to tell him, no, we weren’t “in a transition period” where he could say stuff like that. That you don’t slowly step down from seeing each other. We had been seeing each other. That was not over. We were friends and there couldn’t be a gray area. He was not a fan of this reality.
I hung up with him and ended up chatting with some friends until 11:30 p.m. Eek! Oh, also at some point my left contact had fallen out, apparently.
It’s such a low prescription, I only really notice if I feel it come off or it falls on my cheek. I don’t know if I should even bother getting a replacement, honestly. A worry for another day.
Total spent: $35.83
Total spent: $154.03
Overall, a low-spend (if high-drama) week. So I guess it’s a half-win? I’m just so weary, folks. I need some quiet weeks. And better dating app options.
How did everyone else’s spending go?