Of eyeliner, an ill-advised date & LOTS of toilet paper: A spending diary

For those who are new, my style of “spending” is a little convoluted. I have two checking accounts. I keep the majority of my money in the secondary account, transferring $240 a week into the main account. But I charge everything to the card to maximize rewards. As charges accrue, I transfer money out of the main account into the secondary one. Then I make a weekly payment on my credit card.

A tad confusing, perhaps, but it works for me. Anyway, here’s how spending went this week.

Thursday

I woke up before my alarm feeling halfway rested. The tile guy showed up to finish up with the grout.

I just tried to make it through the day. I was pretty burnt out and already very much in need of the weekend.

I ordered some UberEATS for $38.60 because I still didn’t feel up to going anywhere for food.

I just chilled out for the night, messaging with people and resting up because I was going to a goth club with friends the next day.

Total spent: $38.60

Friday

I woke up feeling pretty energetic, so I tackled some chores once I got through emails.

Unfortunately, as I was carrying out the (really not heavy) trash, something in my upper back twinged. I wasn’t in pain, exactly, but for the rest of the day my upper back would occasionally issue warning aches in certain positions. Sigh.

Luckily, none of those positions would interfere with dancing at goth night, but it was annoying nonetheless.

I went out to Lowe’s to do a return on some tile I’d decided not to use on the bathroom, but also to get some joint compound (more commonly called drywall mud).

The tile guy had found that the 6″ wall to the side of my shower went inward as it went up. In the interests of keeping everything an actual square — so no weird tile shapes — he hadn’t cut the tile. So the tile went past the wall starting about 1/4 of the way up. By the top, there was a 1/2″ overhang.

I’d looked it up, and drywall mud seemed the easiest option. The mud and the trowel were $23.40, but I’m not taking any costs for the bathroom upgrade out of weekly funds.

I also stopped off at CVS to get some eyeliner for my goth look for the night. I had a coupon so in addition to the $3.91 I spent, $2.40 went into Saved Savings.

I puttered around the rest of the day, trying to rest up. After a week of mediocre sleep, I wasn’t as excited for the outing as I’d hoped. So when my friend messaged at 5 p.m. to say that the third person had dropped out — and my friend had also had long week and was weary — we agreed we should try for another time.

I messaged Pirate Party Guy (PPG) to joke about our having traded back issues, since he’d been hurting when I met him the Saturday before. He offered to come over, so I tidied up a little but otherwise tried to rest.

He got to my place around 7:30 p.m. I like him. He’s sweet and big on cuddling, which is extremely restorative. He left around 10:30.

I spent some time goofing off online and messaging with people, and I had a hard time falling asleep. So I didn’t pass out until about 1 a.m.

Total spent: $29.71 ($6.10 out of weekly funds)

Saturday

I woke up around 9:30 a.m. and messaged a bit/had a small bite to eat. Generally, I had to psych myself up to tackle the bathroom wall.

But I was able to muster the mental fortitude around 1:30 p.m. It took a couple of hours since I had to get the hang of it and keep adding on mud at the top. (Too big of glops fell off, so I had to build it up in layers.) But it wasn’t overly difficult.

By the time I finished, I was very hungry. I heated up some teriyaki and messaged a 25-year-old guy I’d met at the Pirate Pool Party. He was hoping we could go on a date that night, but I told him I’d need to rest and see where I was in a bit.

I did end up getting enough rest to have some energy — which is good because he lives in Tempe and doesn’t have a car. I wasn’t completely sure I was into him, but I’m trying to be open about who the universe brings my way.

He suggested a movie. I’m not a fan of a first date being sitting in the dark not talking. And since we’d have missed the evening movie slots (usually 6 p.m. to 7:30, the movie would’ve started around 8 or 9, meaning we’d get out entirely too late for me to stick around long).

So I vetoed that and suggested a drink. He suggested a place and then asked if I smoked. I looked up the place: hookah lounge. Seriously?

I said no, I hate the smell of smoke and it gets in my hair and fingernails and lasts days even if I thoroughly wash both. Ugh.

We agreed to a different bar and… he asked if I could pick him up. At this point, I was getting annoyed. Because we hadn’t talked much at the party, and we hadn’t messaged a ton. So picking up a guy I barely knew — even for a short ride — felt weird.

Also, he’d been extremely eager for the past couple of days to have a date. Extremely eager. So like… get your own self to the meet, buddy.

I was pretty annoyed at that point and considered calling off the whole thing, since I also didn’t relish a 20-mile drive each way. But again, trying to be open.

I got to Tempe around 7:30 p.m. and we had a couple of drinks. (Cider, since I had to drive.) I did have fun chatting but was still on the fence about whether I was attracted sufficiently. He was cute but very thin. Not my usual type.

He paid for the drinks, so I covered some food we got afterward, which was $29.86. I also paid $5.90 for parking.

I started feeling the warning signs of an energy crash, so I told him I was fading and needed to get home. I mentioned that, with chronic fatigue, it was harrowing to drive if a crash had started.

He then… suggested he come with me. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy invite himself back to my place.

I am terrible at confrontation, so I said ah no, I wouldn’t be much fun haha. And that I wasn’t about to do a 40-mile roundtrip drive again. He said he could Uber home. I said no way, it’s $40 and he’s a starving student getting his master’s. He expressed surprise at the cost, and I pointed out that it was 20ish miles and Saturday night. He said it could always be Sunday morning.

Charming.

I demurred again, reminding him that I’d be very tired soon. He wasn’t far out of my way to the freeway, so I said I’d drop him at home. Once we got near his building he… asked if I wanted to come in to see his place.

Dude.

I said no, I really needed to get home ASAP before the fatigue hit full force. He said okay and asked for a hug and said it was fun.

I went home and made it back just in time. Ugh.

Total spent: $35.76

Sunday

I woke up kinda beat. Clearly the mudding had taken more out of me than I’d thought.

I had gotten a message from the guy saying he hoped I was feeling better blah blah.

Then he asked if I, to conserve energy, avoided sex.

Since we’d met at a polyamory pool party — I have friends in the community and those folks are very fun to drink with — we had talked frankly about sex somewhat. But woooooow.

I said no and I wasn’t sure what gave him that impression. He said that maybe he got the idea because I “wasn’t ready” to take him home.

So I wrote him a very long, very peeved message back about how:

You shouldn’t expect a woman to sleep with you just because she said yes to a date– even an older woman, even one you met at a poly party
Even if she does want to sleep with you, you shouldn’t assume it will definitely happen on a first date
Then I just listed the myriad ways he’d ignored my very clear message that I was going to be hit hard by fatigue and needed to get home

He replied that he hadn’t realized I was suffering, and the offer to come home hadn’t been about sex but just to make sure I got home okay and felt okay. (Which, my reply to that pointed out, are opposing statements. Either he didn’t know I felt pretty bad, or he knew I felt pretty bad and wanted to keep an eye on me.) And he insisted the invitation to see his place was innocuous.

I said to please not insult my intelligence. Inviting himself over, let alone mentioning staying the night, was not innocuous. And I pointed out that the fact that one his first replies, asking if I avoided sex to conserve energy, was later explained as stemming specifically from my not being “ready” to take him home. So, uh, he had literally said it was about sex. So I told him not to gaslight me just because he couldn’t stare down how poorly he’d acted.

He amended his stance to say it wasn’t just about sex. It was longer than that but I only skimmed it. I replied that we were going in circles and done with the argument.

He then wrote back saying okay. Then adding that it was too awkward if I saw him as this guy desperate for sex, so we couldn’t hang out anymore. So cute how he was trying to pretend it was his choice. So I replied that it was very much more than implied.

I used the energy created by my thorough annoyance to run a couple of errands. I finally found a frame at Michaels that I liked for a piece of art I’d had for years. With a coupon, it was only $3.25. I wouldn’t have bought it without the coupon, so no money went into Saved Savings.

Then I got some groceries for $33.57.

I came home and texted Mom, asking her to buy some toilet paper from Costco and have it shipped to me. I then sent her the $69.03. (She asked me to get two boxes because according to an article her DF read, we’re one hurricane away from diesel fuel disruption, which would disrupt supply chains.)

Amounts of $60 or more don’t come out of weekly funds.

Total spent: $105.85 ($36.82 out of weekly funds)

Monday

I woke up and got through emails, then I started on a work project I’d been procrastinating on.

This made the day go by pretty quickly, so before I knew it it was time to go to my massage. I pay $105 after tip for an 80-minute massage.

I then headed to a MeetUp board game event. The place serves food, and I was famished. So I got a wrap for after tax/tip.

Afterward, I stopped off at PPG’s place, he was only a few blocks away. I’m glad I suggested it because it turns out he’s taking a trip and won’t be available for two weeks. The people he’s visiting have a small child, so he had to quarantine for a few days and then leave for his trip.

Poo. But at least I got a bit more time in.

I do like him. As mentioned, he’s sweet, but also very straightforward. He made it clear he was interested, followed up and then, after the board game event, remarked, “I kinda missed you. That’s weird, right? This early?”

So I just replied, “Well, I’m very charming.” to get him to laugh. Because I’m still working on being able to take compliments.

We lost track of time, so I didn’t get home until about midnight. Eek!

Total spent: $119.67 ($14.67 out of weekly funds)

Tuesday

I woke up pretty beat. I got through emails and plugged away more at the project.

Thankfully, my 11 a.m. appointment got cancelled, so it was a quiet morning. After work, I went and got some takeout ($13.38) plus some candy for $3.26.

I came home and chilled out.

I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour but somehow ended up not falling asleep until around 10:45 p.m.

Total spent: $16.64

Wednesday

I woke up well-rested for a change, and after dealing with emails, I did a little work on the blog.

I left for my doctor appointment ($0 copay) and discovered I was pretty low on gas. So on the way home I filled the car for a painful $61.28. Amounts of more than $60 don’t come out of my weekly funds.

I came home and finished the workday, then left for my beauty service ($40).

I chilled out briefly, made myself presentable and went to trivia. It was… a humbling night. Sometimes trivia can make you feel very, very dumb.

The bill was covered by previous bar cash we’d won, so I just threw down $5 cash for the waitress. Cash is accounted for when I withdraw it from the ATM, so it doesn’t count here.

I stayed up too late again, chatting with people.

Total spent: $101.28 ($40 out of weekly funds)

Total spent: $447.51 ($188.59 out of weekly funds)

Owwwwww. I comfort myself that 29% of the overall spending was on two basic necessities — fuel and toilet paper — and another 23% was the quasi-necessity of a massage. Because my neck/shoulders/upper back get very bad and keep me from full mobility sometimes. Eesh. Otherwise, my spending was pretty calm, I suppose.

How has everyone else’s spending been?

Of showerheads, beauty products & (of course) takeout: A spending diary