Thursday night, Tim found his mom on the side of the house. On the ground.
Turns out she had done some drinking and took a walk. We had a path made shortly after buying the house. It’s nice and even, plus the lights from the park keep it decently lit.
But after a little liquor, Nadine apparently decided that the path wasn’t enough. So she kept going to the dark, uneven ground around the back of the guest house. And fell. And hit her head on a paving stone left by the previous owners.
We’re pretty sure she went to sneak a smoke. She’s been doing this for ages and then denying it. She used to use the other side of the house, but we kept catching her there.
Besides her health, we’re upset because her lies are just insulting to our intelligence. Plus she covers up the smoke smell with cloying fragrances that aggravate Tim’s asthma.
So I guess she’s started favoring the other side, where Tim has repeatedly asked her to stay out of. Because he was afraid of her falling.
Perhaps most worrisome is that Tim wouldn’t have found her but for his desire for a nightcap. He went out to get some ice, and she called to him.
Marc didn’t even realize she was gone because he dozes in and out all day. Tim’s new rule: Marc goes with her whenever she takes a walk anywhere. He could use the exercise anyway.
She ended up with 10 stitches and, once the doctors realized she wouldn’t stay still, four staples. At least she wasn’t stuck in the ER long. I dropped Tim off at the hospital at 10:15, and came back to pick them up at 12:15.
Even after it was over, Tim and I were too keyed up to sleep. I finally got into bed around 1:30 a.m. I had cleared out the emails in the inbox so I could sleep in. But I woke up at 7:30.
This is in addition to crappy sleep on Tuesday, where I got about five hours of sleep. So I ended up with about 19 hours’ sleep in three days. I need about nine hours a night.
Tim hasn’t had a good night’s sleep lately. Thanks to our four-legged alarm clock, he’s up at 6:30 every morning. We’ve started going to bed earlier to compensate, but sometimes his back pain will wake him up anyway.
Thanks to all this, Friday was spent mainly in a fog. I almost forgot to go in for the blood draw. I was grumpy, and it felt like a huge aggravation. But I’m trying to take heart that they wanted more tests. That means they probably found something, right?
But on the bright side, my mom is done with the WordPress conference that she came down for. So we can hang out and watch Archer Vice. After that, Tim wants to show her Daredevil on Netflix.
Plus some meals out. Frugal lady that she is, she cashed in credit card rewards so that she can treat us to some meals without breaking the bank. Especially now that she’s working less.
But hey, that allowed her to finally sit down and create her writing course. Which you can get for 25% off. (Yay shameless plugs!)
Oh, and the bright side of all of this craziness: Nadine has agreed to try Tim’s e-cigarettes. Even if she doesn’t quit, the vapor should be easier on her lungs. Given that she has COPD, that’s a big deal.
Anyone else have to wrangle a parent’s health scare? Anyone else dealing with bad sleep?
Susan says
Hang in there. My dad has the occasional nightmare and launches out of bed. Last time was ER twice, two cat scans and about 3 weeks of rocky stuff (I suspect a concussion, even though was not diagnosed)
I’m sorry about the addictive behavior that you are dealing with. For those issues I have found Alanon to be helpful. I doubt it will change at this point, but maybe you can learn some peace around it.
Abigail says
I didn’t realize concussions could last that long. Nadine had a CAT scan too. Apparently, it was okay enough for her to go home. But she was definitely slightly concussed. And still a little drunk when we took her home. It was a bit surreal.
Revanche says
*biggest sighs ever* Well. You know I’ve had to. I don’t think I could even talk about half the stuff my mom went through over the years, but suffice to say, I should have put two and two together to realize that my … 5 years? of insomnia had something to do with Mom’s deterioration and the related stresses. I’m very glad that it only cost Nadine stitches and staples, which are certainly bad enough! Mom bashed out half her teeth in one fall 🙁
And now of course Dad won’t stop smoking and always claims that he’s in perfectly good health so you know I’m going to be dealing with the aftermath of that sooner or later. SMH.
Thank goodness for nice, stress-free visits. I wish you good rest on the near horizon.
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Abigail says
Thanks. Yesterday I got in a 2-3 hour nap, which seems to have helped. It was that thick sleep that keeps you sluggish for about 20 minutes after you wake up.
Yeah, we’re lucky she didn’t damage any teeth. I don’t think she could afford to get those fixed right now.
Sorry to hear about your dad’s smoking. We’re not sure how much Nadine smokes. I think it’s no more than three a day, but it’s hard to tell since she hides it.
We’re working to accept that we can’t make her change. But it’s hard to watch someone keep hurting themselves. Maybe the e-cigs will help.
lake livin' says
Heaving giant sigh on your behalf.
Abigail says
Thanks. Sometimes sympathy helps.
Taylor Lee @ Engineer Cents says
Ugh, that sounds rough. Getting family to take care of themselves is so hard. Lucky Tim found her there before something even worse happened.
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Abigail says
Yep, we’re very thankful. Given that she’s on blood thinners, she might not have made it til morning for all we know. If I didn’t already have gray hairs…
Catseye says
There were times when I thought my late mom was going to be the death of me, so I understand your frustration. Good think Tim decided to go out at that time of night.
Hey, kudos to Tim for getting up with Patches every morning. I used to have a cat who very seldom let me sleep past 6 AM, so I know what that’s like, also.
I hope your sleep pattern gets back to normal soon. Also, enjoy every minute of your mom’s visit.
Abigail says
We’re wondering whether a timed dispenser would help. But sometimes she wakes us up and there’s plenty of food, so I think we’re just out of luck.
And yes, Tim’s been good about taking care of Patches. He gets her to take the Pepcid every day and puts some goo on her leg that, once ingested, makes hairballs come up easier.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach says
My mom is kind of like that. She has been through a lot of health scares, mostly brought on by her choices. I love her but I let it go along time ago. Plus she lives across the country. I realize you can’t change someone’s behavior…they have to want to want to change. If I let myself, I could worry a lot more but I choose not to…and just love her exactly how she is and her time left here. It sounds morbid but it’s been the healthy choice for me. Each family is different. Sorry you’ve been dealing with so many health things lately.
Abigail says
Eh, we always deal with health things. That much is par for the course. Once Tim gets in to see his new PCP, we’ll get the ball rolling on a dermatologist and an orthopedist. It’s always lively inre: medical stuff.
I think you have the right attitude. It’s a little harder for us to let go when she’s right here. But we need to just accept that Tim got his stubbornness from both parents, and there’s not much to be done about it.
teinegurl says
I’ve been having terrible sleep lately. Ive been completely stressed with not find a place in time to move , money, kids , loneliness etc. Now that I found a place I still have a TON on my mind. It makes it hard to sleep. I notice my appetite has gone down.
Abigail says
Stress is a sleep-killer to be sure. Sorry that so much is on your plate. Finding a place and actually completing a move are huge, and of course money is the biggest stressor of all.
Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life says
Ah sorry, glad every one is doing okay. I think it’s hard for parents to accept that they can’t do things they used to- putting themselves in danger.
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Abigail says
Yeah, it’s human nature to fight against your limitations. It took me years to start working within reasonable limits. But she’s had these conditions for ages. I just figured she would have figured it out by now.
Maybe the new hip made her overestimate. Or maybe she’s the main source of of Tim’s own stubbornness.
Holly@ClubThrifty says
I’m very sorry to hear she fell, but glad she is “okay.” Hopefully this means she won’t be taking any late night walks without help.
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Abigail says
Tim told his dad that she will not take walks alone anymore. So far, Marc’s been good about it. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Kat says
Chronic, severe insomnia can be a pain in the rear. If not for the sleepless nights, then the fun of trying to deal with it. Sleep studies, tracking your sleep, sleep hygiene, and everyone’s opinions on what can help. I’m lactose intolerant, and I’m on a number of medications- warm milk and any sort of herbal nonsense are BAD ideas. My doctor just stuck me on Ambien, and it works- I get at least 5 hours a night, and I rarely stay up all night anymore (it was 2-3 times a week before).
With parental health issues, it can be a real struggle. My father’s end stage alcoholism mimicked the struggles people can have with dementia patients. It caused a lot of problems, and we finally sent him to live with his brother because of it. He would refuse to stay on his Antabuse, and it meant we couldn’t trust him- which made figuring out how to care for him hard. I would get calls from my mother at all hours. It could be anything from disabling his car (he’d make copies of kis keys, so physically disabling the car was a better bet), to having to meet them at the ER. Even after he was living with his brother, I still got calls- he’d designated me as his medical power of attourney (which did not, unfortunately, give me the ability to involuntarily commit him to treatment), and he would forget who his brother was- he would think he was much younger, so my uncle was much younger in his mind’s eye. If a phone rang after work hours, my first thought was ‘He’s died.’ or ‘He drove, and he’s killed himself and probably someone else.’ To this day, it can still happen if a phone wakes me out of a sound sleep. You learn you simply can’t trust them. It’s tough to think of that way, and it can lead to a lot of frustration, but it’s the truth.
With concussions- cognitive rest is the big thing, and avoidance of alcohol is really important (your mind actually has to work harder to process things when you’re drunk). It takes a while to heal- it’s like a bruise, it takes a while to go away. As for vaporizing… Are they willing to try gum? Vaporizers may reduce organic carcinogens, but they will be inhaling, and giving off, toxic metal emissions- chromium, nickel, zinc… lead. Not good. Very not good, especially since you’re talking about vapor- which stays in the air, making it easier for you to end up taking all of that in.
Abigail says
She used gum to quit in the past. Or maybe it was the patches. At this point, we’ll take whatever progress we can get. If she wants to go back to gum or patches, she can get them at the store. With Marc’s Social Security, they have some disposable income.
I’m sorry to hear about the stress and grief from your father’s condition. My great grandfather was an alcoholic who ended up with Alzheimer’s. They ended up putting him in a home, but he almost burned down his house. I’m guessing that gave him or the doctors the final push.
Christina @ Embracing Simple says
Oh no, I’m sorry to hear she fell, but glad she’ll be okay! That is frightening to walk up on a scene like that!
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Abigail says
Yes, it was pretty terrifying. Things are settling back down now, but Tim and I are still a little hyper vigilant. I got worried when my mom’s walk took longer than expected. Part of me wanted to go drive the route to be sure she hadn’t fallen. Sigh.
Kim@Eyesonthedollar says
My Dad is a closet smoker and while he hasn’t fallen, he has had some major health scares and he’s gone to some crazy lengths to get his nicotine fix. I used to try and get him to quit, but I’ve kind of adopted Tonya’s attitude at this point. Best of luck in a trying situation.
Abigail says
Yeah, at this point we just want her to stop lying about it. It’s weirdly insulting. If she quits, awesome. If not… At least we’ll have a clearer idea of what’s what.
Funny about Money says
That is so difficult. I’m sorry you’re having to put up with what promises to be an increasingly trying situation. Even if you can get her off the sauce (good luck with that!), she’ll be up to other shenanigans.
By the way, Kat’s comment reminds me: Do you have medical power of attorney for these two? In Arizona (so a lawyer told me the last time I had all that stuff written up), you should also get a “mental health power of attorney.” This document DOES allow you to commit a person who is no longer competent to care for her/himself. You can’t just do so unilaterally — the person is protected by a provision that a couple of doctors have to agree that s/he is unable to cope. But given the circumstances, this might be a good thing for you to have. The lawyer presented it as part of the healthcare power of attorney package (though it’s not, really). You can download the form for free; google Arizona mental health power of attorney.
Is there any practical way you can get these folks off your property? There’s a senior citizens’ trailer park at about 69th and Peoria that really is quite pleasant, despite being in a fairly low-rent district. Rent for the site used to be $300 a month — this was some years ago, when SDXB’s mom was still living. It might be worth checking into. Also there’s a nice senior park up on Cave Creek Road along about T’bird or Greenway or so, on the west side of the road. It’s tucked in among some desert hills…some of the sites have great views. If you can swing it, it could be worth the money in terms of rescuing you from the potential toll on your own health and sanity. And there’s also one on Dunlap at 19th Avenue…hectic right now because of the construction, but next year the lightrail will open, giving them an easy way to get around town.
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Abigail says
Well first of all, I don’t think she’s at the point where alcohol is a huge problem. I think she’s probably a lot less interested in it after this. If not, we’ll deal with it later.
And they’re mostly independent at this point. This was scary but I think a one-off. I’ll keep the other stuff in mind, though, just in case.