A Facebook friend recently asked how often people compare themselves to their classmates. See, we’ve got our 20th reunion (feel.so.old.) coming in July, and it got him thinking. He specifically said that he was curious how honest people would be.
Eight people wrote some variation of “Oh, I don’t. I’m content with where I am.”
To which I call BS. No matter how comfortable you are with your lot in life, you still compare yourself with people — especially the ones you know on social media.
Also, I firmly believe that very few people are actually as content as they want us to think. Isn’t that half the point of social media?
Anyway, I wrote my reply. It was long and brutally honest as I explained exactly why I’m not going to the reunion:
Cost
I may have the best boss ever, but I’m still a contractor. So no paid time off for me.
That may not sound like a big deal, since the reunion is on a weekend; but there’s no way in hell I’m traveling 10-16 hours for a three-day trip. Instead, I’d probably stick around for about a week, which is more than $1,000 of missed pay.
Plane tickets would be around $400 each. A rental car would be around $200. We might be able to crash at a friend’s or at my cousin’s to avoid a hotel. Still, that’s more than $2,000 in lost revenue/expenses.
That’s a lot of money, even if we weren’t saving for Tim’s teeth.
Health
Tim’s joints start to have (extra) problems once the temperature gets down to the high 50s. Average Anchorage summer temps are around 55-70. This past July was warmer, getting up to 75. But what if next summer is a cold one? Tim might not be able to move much.
Also, even 10 hours of travel time will wreck me. It’ll take me probably two days to recover my version of regular energy levels. At best, I’ll get back to normal just in time to wreck it again with the reunion activities.
Finally, I’m pretty allergic to the mosquitoes up there, and I’m friggin’ ambrosia to those buzzing bastards. I’ve got a routine to deal with bites, but it’s still unpleasant. Plus, I can’t sleep well, which means extra exhaustion for the reunion.
And now the real issues:
“So what do you do for a living?”
I was an overachiever in high school. I had a 3.9 GPA — with a lot of honors and several AP classes — which landed me 11th in a class of 480ish people.
Point being, I feel like people expected a lot of me.
So when people ask me what I do for a living, I’m going to have to say “customer service.” I know I shouldn’t, but I will feel defensive. Especially since two of my closer friends in high school are now a lawyer and an employee of the State Department.
And I won’t be able to say, “I’m actually lucky to have a job at all.” Because then I’d have to get into my illness, which scares people or they don’t understand. Or they just don’t want to hear about it.
Nor can I say, “But the pay is amazing.” Because a) people aren’t going to believe that about a customer service job and b) it’ll sound like bragging. Or it’ll come off exactly as defensive as it is. No matter what, not a great impression.
Meanwhile, Tim will be in his own private hell having to say he’s on disability, especially with an invisible illness.
And to address the inevitable comments, I know I shouldn’t feel defensive about my occupation. I shouldn’t care what other people think of me. But I’m human, so I do.
“So do you have kids?”
As many of you know, I’ve had five miscarriages. The last one was especially heartbreaking because there was actually a heartbeat for the first ultrasound performed. Then there wasn’t.
We’re trying one last time, but I’m not optimistic.
So there’s a good chance that we will have officially given up on having kids of our own by July. That will have taken a toll on me. After some time has passed, we’ll look into the foster care option, but I doubt we’ll have anything settled by July.
Hell, I might not be finished grieving by then. Which means potentially tearing up at the question.
Social media makes reunions obsolete
Facebook keeps you updated on people’s lives. And for whatever reason, anyone who went to my school wants to add me as a friend. People I barely remember or only knew in passing.
And just like at a reunion, social media allows you to show only the side you want people to see. On Facebook, you find out about their weddings, anniversaries, promotions and exactly how smart/adorable their kids are.
Pretty much what people do at in-person reunions.
Do you guys go/plan to go to your reunion? Have you already gone to one?
NZ Muse says
We haven’t had one; don’t know if we will!
That said we still live in the same area and know what a lot of people are up to – there’s not much need.
At this stage I wouldn’t go to one. Too depressing given where we are in life.
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Abigail says
Yeah, when things are tough, you don’t really want to get into it. There’s either judgment or pity, neither of which is appealing.
Catseye says
I’ve yet to be invited to a high school reunion. Even if I was invited, I couldn’t afford it, either. I just recently started working again (part-time) and I’m attending community college part-time. Also, I’ve always hated traveling and I’m not young anymore. I’d probably be so exhausted, stressed and defensive that I wouldn’t enjoy myself.
Last, but not least, I hated all 12 years of school. Junior high was the worst! Nothing about it makes me feel nostalgic, so why attend a reunion?
Oh, yeah, I just remembered that I attended H.S. in the ugliest public school building ever designed. Seriously, it looked like a prison crossed with a bunker. Ugh!
Abigail says
Other than personal problems (undiagnosed bipolar II and my whole dad stuff) I actually really enjoyed those my school years. I guess I got lucky.
Penny @ She Picks Up Pennies says
I actually teach in the school district I attended (different middle school but feeds into my old high school). Needless to say, I still stomp through the ol’ grounds quite a bit. And I just had the pleasure of declining my 10 year reunion. $150 to be awkward? I do that for free every day! π
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Abigail says
Wow, $150?! Tim’s was $50 or so each. That was with a full bar and some pretty good food.
Revanche says
One of my dearest friends twisted my arm to go to one of our last reunions, honestly don’t even remember which one, but I refused on account of I didn’t want to.
I won’t join Facebook either because as I like to explain to people: I’m in touch with exactly everyone minus 3 that I’d like to be, and it’s not worth joining FB and seeing all that other nonsense just to hunt them down. I hear you on all the points of potential discomfort and embarrassment. As your internet friend, I would want to reassure you there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, but that’s because I know the whole story that you’ve shared here and I have both your context and an understanding of what it means to be grateful to have a job that you can still do and that pays enough to cover your bills, no matter what stage in life we’re at. So I won’t patronize you and say that you shouldn’t feel embarrassed, not that I’m saying you should!, just that yeah, I wouldn’t go either, in your shoes.
And I don’t get the point of it anyway. If I want to spend that kind of time and money, I’d go spend quality time with my friends that I haven’t seen in years. Why would I go hang out with a bunch of people who weren’t important enough or interested enough in me to stay in touch?
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Abigail says
Ha, all excellent points.
spiffi says
I haven’t gone to any of mine – 10 or 20. 20 year reunion was a couple years ago. First, I didn’t really get any invitation – I’m not sure how those things are organized anyway? I think I saw something on someone’s facebook – and it sounded like they were doing a dinner at the *one* catering joint in our town, which is a sad, sad place. I think the 10 year reunion was a picnic at a lake?
Suffice to say – nothing exciting, and certainly nothing special. I don’t keep in touch with the people I went to high school with – I keep up on facebook with a few people, but as far as I know, none of them went. Mostly the people who never moved away from the town we grew up in, went, because for them, high school is still the high point of their lives.
Those of us who moved away, and moved on? I have no need to fly back for a dinner.
If my mom was still around, and I could have gone home to visit her, and scheduled it to occur at the same time – I still don’t think I would have gone π
High school was fine – I survived and I had some good friends. But I never expected it to be the high point of my life, y’know?
Abigail says
Yeah, it’s never a good thing when high school is the pinnacle. Then again, I grimace when people call a wedding the happiest day of your life. Ours was wonderful and a lot of fun, but I certainly hope our lives continue to build on that, especially if we’re able to have a kid.
Punkin Pye says
Well said, Abby. I cringe when I see women focusing on making their wedding day the happiest day of her life. My husband calls it “princess for a day”. The sad part is that I am old enough to see some of these elaborate weddings end in divorce, long term unhappiness, or worse.
Abigail says
I had a friend who was still paying off the wedding when his wife left him. They’d been married for about a year and a half. Not that the rest of us didn’t see it coming, but debt for a Sandals resort is not good debt. I wouldn’t mind the “happiest day of your life” if they added “so far.” Assuming the woman doesn’t already have kids. In which case, that should probably stay the happiest day(s).
Linda in NE says
Graduated HS in 1970….haven’t ever been to a reunion and don’t plan on it. π
Abigail says
Works for me!
Vicky says
I went to my 30th. One is enough. Now I hear there are plans for multi class reunions that I will not attend. I see everyone I want to here in town, and that’s enough. The best times in my Life are happening now, not what happened 30 plus years ago, although I do wish everyone the best.
Abigail says
Actually, if it were a multi-class reunion, I’d consider it more seriously. A decent chunk of my friends were in different classes. Theater attracted people of all ages. But even so, I’d need to find out who actually planned on going. And I’d still have to get over my self-esteem issues.
FF says
Same here! Most of my friends were in other classes. I feel like we should have just had one, but I heard nothing about it. I also moved back to my hometown, so if I really wanted to see someone I could just get in touch around Christmas break. But apparently I’m a pretty bad friend, because I don’t.
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Abigail says
Eh, I always felt like a bad friend for losing touch with so many of them. (Speaking of which, I need to call my best friend. Haven’t talked to her in about 3 or 4 months.) Then I realized it was a two-way street. They could reach back out to me, but they didn’t either.
Kaye says
I had the same thought about FB and reunions. What’s the point? I also have the defensive issue as well. All that work in HS so I could be a secretary. Ha ha. The people organizing mine are all the popular kids and I see it shaping up to be a couple of days of awkwardness. At least if I decide to go I’ll only be out a tank of gas.
Abigail says
Good to hear I’m not the only one. It’s silly, of course, because we provide for our families. And jobs still aren’t always easy to come by. But… yeah. I’m glad you guys were finally able to move back. I know it was a goal for quite awhile. Say hi to Steve for me!
Linda says
We are nearing our 50th class reunion. We’ve lost so many classmates in the last 5 years, that it’s scary. I’m living in the area again. I hated the two previous reunions I did attend. Refused to go when they were all about kids because I had none.
Now we are doing girls’ reunions about every 6 weeks and I’m truly getting to know and enjoy being with people I did run around with in high school. The group is usually about 10-15 people so you can talk to one another. At the first one, the person who organized it said “we aren’t in high school any more. No more cliques, No more of that bull shit. We are are getting older and definitely gray.” That was a great ice breaker.
Still undecided about the 50th.
Abigail says
See, that sounds like a lot of fun. (Not that I live in Anchorage, but if I did…) The other issue is that a lot of my friends were in other grades. So it feels pointless for that reason too. I could see one or two that still live in the area, but most are scattered down here.
Ro in San Diego says
I enjoyed two of the high school reunions I went to but as people have been saying I’m already (thanks to Facebook) very acquainted with the people I cared about and who cared about me in High School. I have spent the money on a few reunions. I’ve stayed at people’s houses and purchased a few days of rental cars because my reunion is in NYC and a car and car parking is uber-expensive.
The last HS related function I went to it turned out my hostess had severe emotional problems and started hollering at me one evening nearing the end of my stay. I was lucky to be able to find a hotel room (a hostel really) in NYC so I was able to not have to sleep in my rental car nor with my now hostile hostess.
What I’ve found (40 years out of high school) is the reunions aren’t as much fun as our cohorts age. Some of them don’t age well. And if they were saving bits of string when they were 17 we didn’t know about it. It’s not so hard to hide when you’re 57 and the ball of twine is really big. (The ball of string is the metaphor for the hostess insisting I saty with her; telling me her home was quite comfortable when in reality it was overrun with black mold and hadn’t been cleaned in any manner for years.)
Abigail says
Yikes, that’s a pretty scary guest experience! We’d definitely need a rental car. Anchorage is *not* a pedestrian friendly town. But the tickets and missed work are what really kill it.
Susan Mason says
I have been to most of mine. They were more of an obligation than any fun. They were in town, so no expense/no excuse. The year I was unemployed I think I skipped it. My husband has never gone with me-just feel awkward. Our class was only 44, but unfortunately the nerds I hung out with don’t go to the reunion-in fact the ex boyfriend is dead. Maybe I should try to look up the nerds and just go have coffee!
Don’t blame you a bit Abby. But hey, stop beating yourself up, okay? You have overcome a lot. If these people are not current friends, why bother going.
Abigail says
Yeah, I know we’ve overcome a lot. It’s just that you can’t tell people the whole story — especially the health stuff — without making people uncomfortable or flat-out scared. It’s just a thing. And yeah, I shouldn’t care what they think but… Meh. That’s a very small class, so I totally get feeling awkward in that small a group. Like I said, mine was nearly 10 times that. Which is impressive because we had five or six schools in the area with similar numbers.
fehmeen @ Debt Free Lifestyle says
You know, that’s a really logical thought about social media making reunions obsolete! The truth is, the people you do want to stay in touch with, you don’t need a reunion to meet with, and the people who you are happy to just know the basics about, you can easily follow on social media.
So good for you for being so courageously honest about all this!
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Abigail says
Hmmm, didn’t think about this being courageous or any more honest than the rest of my stuff. I think I’m just losing my boundaries after having a supported/interested/empathetic audience for so long. Guess I’m lucky that way!
Tia says
Hi!
I attended a 30th high school reunion years ago on a whim. After my five year reunion, I swore I wouldn’t attend another because there were still cliques. But the thirtieth was nice…the cliques were gone, the people were friendly, interesting and interested. If you skip your twentieth, try to make it to your thirtieth. I think you’ll have a nice time. Oh heck, go to both and compare!π
Abigail says
Nah, even beyond my qualms about the health/job issues, $2k is just far too much to justify when we have so much going on. And yeah, maybe I’ll reconsider for the 25th or 30th. I guess I’m lucky that our school didn’t really have cliques. I mean, there were people who hung out with one another. But a lot of the popular kids were honors students who were in classes with the rest of us. So they were perfectly friendly and nice. They didn’t even judge me for being a theater geek. Come to think of it, the theater geeks might have been the most clique-y. We didn’t really love newcomers. Well darn… now I feel bad.
Mark@BareBudgetGuy says
I love the honesty! And the photo! Man, I didn’t know you guys had had 5 miscarriages, I am so sorry! I can’t even imagine.
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Abigail says
Yeah, it’s been awhile since I’ve had them, so I haven’t been mentioning them as much. It’s pretty emotionally (not to mention physically) draining. But hope springs eternal, apparently. Well, if 6 tries counts as eternal. It looks like you have some happy news, so congratulations!
Tina in NJ says
The last time I got a reunion invite, it was being held at a local bar and the cost was $75 each. No thanks! Sure, I wonder about a couple of people, but not that much!
Abigail says
Yikes! Granted, Tim and I spent $100 to get into his reunion. But there was full dinner and an open bar. Plus he needed to go and see that other people — often ones who treated him poorly — really got nowhere in life. Terrible, perhaps, but it was very rewarding for him. And he said he was fine never going to another one, so I think it evens out.
Kalie says
I went to my ten-year (actually, 11, I graduated a year early–fellow nerd) for three reasons:
1. I was kind of shocked they remembered to invite me.
2. There were a handful of people I wanted to see.
3. It was nearby and free!
But I agree that reunions involve a lot of talk about work and kids, and not much else. It’s kind of the nature of “I haven’t seen you in a 20 years” conversation, but it’s not true that these are the only things that validates one’s existence.
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Abigail says
You’re right that it’s not what validates me as a person. But there’s really not enough time at these things to kind of give people that insight. Free is kind of hard to argue against, so I’m glad you went. If it were (for unknown reasons) in Phoenix, I’d think about it. Maybe. The kid thing is still… yeah.
Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life says
Ummm.. I think your response should be, I’m a badass blogger! π
I’m not into the reunion thing either. My tenth was a couple of years ago and I skipped it.
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Abigail says
Yeah 10th really isn’t enough time to have much to update people on, I think. And yes, I could say that I’m a badass blogger — or at least have decent readership numbers — but it’s not something I actually make real money on. I think I *might* make $600 this year. So it’s not really a job. Just an avocation. That I should reeaaally monetize better.
Tiffany says
I read this and had to chuckle. I graduated 15 years ago and have never been to a reunion. I honestly don’t care to go (and actually have never received an invite to one). But a few years ago, I got curious. I was looking at someone’s Facebook profile and started jumping through various people’s friends (former classmates). I’m sure you have nothing to be worried about. There were people that I went to school with that I was intrigued about their career choices. One of the guys was an underwear model turned cruise ship entertainer. Never in a million years…
About eight years ago, I was on the elevator at work when the door opened…and standing directly in front of me, a classmate. He went from punk (wallet chain, black fingernail polish, the whole works) to dress shirt and tie.
You don’t have to say you’re in customer service. You’re an expert in assisting people with personal expenses and your husband could be your researcher/assistant (he does do errands for you = personal assistant).
Abigail says
Haha, yeah that’s true. But I don’t see the point in going just to lie — or at least fudge the truth. Though I’d definitely work in my blog at the event. That it’s got a pretty decent readership, anyway. But the $2k is a pretty good deterrent on its own.
Kristin says
Mine was three summers ago.
I got to tell people that yes, I am a lawyer. What I didn’t tell them was the corollary: I was about to be laid off and was scared as hell, and that’s why I wasn’t attending the $50/person dinner – or was it $75? – the next night (after the $25/person “cocktail reception”).
I have way more high school friends on FB than I ever actually had in H.S. Reunions are somewhat obsolete because of FB. I actually keep most in touch with two people who live locally and did not attend any part of the reunion.
Which is the long way of saying: go or do not go; there is no difference.
Abigail says
I agree. And yeah, that sounds scary as hell. I’m glad you were able to find a way to at least do some of it. And yeah, people I barely knew in high school have added me. It’s weird.
SherryH says
I’d kind of like to see everyone again. I’ve grown and changed so much since high school, and suspect my classmates have as well. I’d like to see how everyone is and who I click with now. (I do have an FB account. Doesn’t mean I can navigate or successfully use FB.)
Ah, but…money. We can’t afford even to drive up and stay with family, let alone $50/head for an evening river cruise, which is what the last one was. MrH can’t take that long away from work, either, and I’m not going without him to drive and help me get around.
Still…I’d really love to see my old hometown again, and if I went to a class reunion, I’d have to make some extra time to visit all the extended family I haven’t seen in ages…
Abigail says
Sorry you can’t afford it. Tim’s reunion was around that much, and we were utterly broke at the time. But he reeeaaally wanted to go, so I figured it out somehow. Can’t remember how. Probably just sucking it up and putting on the credit card. It was totally worth it to see him there.
Then again, he went purely for schadenfreude. Which is a pretty good bet in Tacoma. He got to see that one of his classmates — who literally laughed in his face when he asked her out — was fat and had kids by multiple guys. Petty maybe, but he was pleased. Plus there was an open bar and the food was quite good, so we definitely got our money’s worth.
But obviously you need access to the money for an experience to be worth the money. Depending on how many readers you have when the next reunion comes around, maybe you could ask for donations. I’d try to chip in!
Hannah says
I guess our ten year will be this year. Actually, I think I’m supposed to plan it. I’ve seen a lot of my high school friends over the last decade since weddings are a bit of a reunion type function (especially for those who hung around the state). I can’t really see the need to go to these types of events though- anybody who cares can just text me, I’ve had the same number since I was 16, or they could FB me, or just go talk to my parents.
Abigail says
Most of my friends scattered into the lower 48 like me. Various states, so we didn’t see each other much once we stopped going back for winter/summer breaks. But I find I don’t really have a ton in common with them anymore, so I guess it’s less of a big deal.
Mrs. C says
Nope, won’t be going to any reunions. I have lost touch with 99.99% of my high school class, and i now live 8 hours away. Our 20 year high school reunion will be next year…I doubt I will even hear the details about it!
We live and work in my husband’s home town…so for him every day is a reunion…but he pretty much avoids any official reunion activities – I fully support him in that!
Abigail says
It definitely makes things easier, I’d imagine. We were lucky in that we could just visit Tim’s parents for the weekend of the reunion. They even drove us over to Tacoma (about 15 miles away) so that we could both drink!
kay ~ the barefoot minimalist says
I’ve never gone to a reunion and I never will. It’s nice living in Florida now, because I never run into old school mates who recognize me, while I have no idea who they are, and then they act like we were just the “bestest” of friends, whereas I can’t even remember ever speaking to them. My actual friends all got the smurf outta Dodge. Nah, no looking back there. You’re smart to save your dough and concentrate on the present and the future with your hubby.
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Abigail says
Yeah, I had a gal who added me on Facebook. I didn’t remember her, but I added her. Later, she was talking about feeling suicidal. So I told her that if she needed to talk, to give me a call and provided my number.
Turns out, she was visiting her sister here in Arizona. So I got roped into spending a night with someone who reeeaaally remembered me, but I had no clue who she was. To be fair, my memory got pretty fuzzy after the Guillain-Barre. I think PTSD does that.
It was actually a fun night, but man it was weird. I wrote a whole post called “Someone I don’t know needs me!” because that’s what I exclaimed to Tim when he was a little upset I was going out without him.
Cat@BudgetBlonde says
I’m not a huge fan of HS reunions because of all the bragging and high expectations. Most of the people there will be putting on a front to show the best version of themselves, not what is real or true anyway.
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Abigail says
Yeah, I foresee a lot of that. I get very tired very quickly of people bragging. Especially because it’s often easy to spot when someone’s fibbing or not telling the whole truth just by seeing what’s not mentioned. Or I wouldn’t know they’re not being honest and will get discouraged.
Laurie @thefrugalfarmert says
The miscarriage thing is SO difficult – so sorry to hear that you’ve been through it so much, Abigail. I haven’t been to any of our reunions either, for a number of reasons. Don’t feel there’s much of a point. If I can think of a good reason that will benefit both me and hubby, and the other people there, then I’ll think about going.
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Abigail says
Thanks, it’s been tough. We’ll see how this last attempt turns out. There are other ways to have a kid in our life. And I agree that there’s not a lot of point in going. I guess maybe if you have a lot to brag about or really want to see people.
Kristin says
I was just reminded on FB that my 15 year sorority class reunion is approaching next year. Many of us keep in touch online, but reading it makes me feel old. I don’t mind the reunion b/c we get together frequently for football and alumni games, but I could care less about high school stuff. There were like over 3K in my grade and I couldn’t tell you who most of the people are π
So sorry about the miscarriages. I can’t even imagine. My mama keeps jamming adoption applications down my throat every chance she gets b/c she’s given up that I’m going to get married and thinks it would be “fun” if we raised a baby together π
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Abigail says
Huh, didn’t think you were old enough for a 15 year reunion, even a high school one. And yeah, I’d think you were much closer to sorority sisters, of whom there were far fewer.
And yeah, I don’t think anyone has used the word fun to describe raising a kid with your parent. Necessary maybe, a godsend perhaps. But fun? Eesh.
Abigail says
Also, tell her that adoptions are around $10-15k. So there’s that.
DC @ Young Adult Money says
Geez you really put the reunion in perspective. Some of those “basic” questions can be much tougher/emotional than most people think.
Our 10 year anniversary is next Summer. I was Class President, so I along with a few other people will be planning it. We had high hopes of getting off to a quick start last Summer planning it, but we fell behind. I’d love to make it possible for people to go for cheap, but you make a good point: if you have to travel there is nothing cheap about reunions.
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Abigail says
Well, maybe you can set up a rookie list, so people from out of state (who don’t still have family/family with extra rooms) could buddy up to cut down on the cost of a hotel. I do hope you have fun. I’m sure it can be a lot of fun when you have good answers to the questions… Or just less defensiveness.
Prudence Debtfree says
I actually have attended high school reunion events – including the 30th year for my class (you think YOU feel old!) and I have found them to be remarkably healing. All of the old high school cliques and hierarchies get muted after a time. But I understand why you’re planning not to go. I am very sorry for the loss you have suffered with your miscarriages. It’s a raw, vulnerable time for you – not a time for big gatherings of this type. By the time your 30th rolls around, you might feel differently, but for now, I think you’ve made the right decision.
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Abigail says
I was pretty lucky. Since most of our popular people were in honors classes, and plenty of honors kids also played sports, there weren’t really a lot of cliques. I mean, I never really tried to hang out with the cheerleaders or sports folks unless I knew them from a class. But there wasn’t really a feeling of people shutting others out. Most people were pretty accepting.
And yeah maybe I’ll feel differently 5-10 years down the road.
Kat says
I disliked high school- the area I grew up in was all about looking good and keeping up with the Jones. Being a geek who wasn’t social under the best of circumstances was not really something that was well understood of accepted. I am in contact with all but one of the people I actually enjoyed the company of in high school, and that one isn’t the sort to show up at a reunion. This is more than enough for me.
Beyond that, our ‘planning’ group is not going to win any awards for brilliance. The tenth reunion for my class was on Black Friday, at a chain bar in a busy shopping district of a large city. To make things even better, it started at 8 pm when our local public transit stops service shortly before 11 and there was no parking at this bastion of booze. Plus, it was 85. Now, this included an open bar… which is of no use when you don’t actually drink. Somehow, I doubt there’s going to be a reunion I’m actually willing (let alone wanting) to attend.
Abigail says
Ugh, the more people I hear from, the more lucky I feel about my high school experience. Not enough to attend, mind you. And wow, your planners are a special kind of dumb.
Shannon @ Financially Blonde says
My 20th is coming up next year and I probably won’t go because I only talk to one friend from high school (she’s my best friend) but for everyone else I feel comfortable getting Facebook updates and avoiding awkward conversations where I have nothing to say. I didn’t know about your miscarriages, but I know how they feel. I had one before I had my son and it doesn’t matter what stage of life that baby gets to, it still feels like the loss of a life.
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Abigail says
Wow, I would NOT have guessed you were my age. It’s always nice to know that not all bloggers are in their 20s to (maybe) early 30s. Sometimes I feel awfully alone. I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I know you ended up with a son, but it’s still a pretty horrible experience.
Shirria @ GDTH says
I agree that social media makes reunions obsolete. You don’t really have much “to catch up on” when you can access their life window via Facebook. However, when mine roles around next year I probably will be attending! For me it’s much more than the “catching up” it’s the laughter, the reminiscing about high school mischief, and the youthful feeling I get being with them for that weekend.
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Abigail says
Ha, after 20 years I probably won’t feel all that youthful, since they’ll have aged too. But yeah, it’s fun to reminisce. If I lived closer, I’d at least consider it. But probably still not go.
Brock @cleverdude.com says
At my 5 year reunion I had a blast. My 10 year was just alright. By the time the 20th rolled around I started wondering why I went. High school was a lifetime ago, very few are even in my life now, and it honestly felt forced to even pretend like I knew them or cared what they were up to. That will be the last reunion i go to….
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Abigail says
Yeah, I didn’t see the point in the 5th one. The 10th one came while I was waiting for disability, so utterly broke and definitely not in a good place to hear about other peoples’ happy lives. I don’t even remember hearing about a 15th.
Andrew@LivingRichCheaply says
It’s human nature to compare yourself to others. I went to a class reunion but it was either a 5 year reunion so most people hadn’t accomplished much so not much judgment could be made. I don’t plan on going to my upcoming reunion…like you said, I can see what’s going on with my former classmate’s lives on social media. If I really wanted to see or hang out with them, I would do so outside of the reunion. Honestly, I didn’t have very fond memories of high school so I don’t have that urge to go back.
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Abigail says
I agree. Most people can’t help but compare themselves. Sorry to hear you didn’t like high school much. I had to struggle with not being properly medicated for depression and with dealing with my dad, but the actual high school part was pretty good.
Anya says
I didn’t go to mine for a few reasons: social media helps me spy on former classmates, waste of $$, and I hated high school. In fact, when I find myself around old high school friends, the same insecurities and fears come back as if I never left. I, too, was an overachiever – 3rd in my class, full ride to college. And then life happened. While my overachieving friends went on to become doctors, dentists, and nurses, I got into accounting. Money’s good but definitely not where I saw myself. I’m now exploring other career opportunities. DH and I will never have kids (he’s infertile and I don’t like kids) so I’m going to use the remainder of my adult life to pursue something else. Not like I have anything else pressing going on.
Abigail says
I love that you copped to spying on former classmates! I hope you find something that makes you feel more fulfilled. I think most people would respect an “I’m in accounting” answer. Of course, they might follow up by asking you about taxes. So… yeah.
Steve @ Think Save Retire says
Cool topic! Like many others, I was invited to my high school’s 10th anniversary back in 2010, and I politely declined. I didn’t give them an answer why. I could have said that the cross-country trip that would have been required to go was just too much. Or too expensive. Or that I was busy, or whatever…
The real reason was actually pretty simple: I don’t care enough about mingling with people whom I never associated with during high school anyway.
I’m not much of a mingler.
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Abigail says
Seems like a pretty good plan to me. And think of the money you saved by being honest with yourself about the motivation (or lackthereof). That reason means you won’t end up guilted into going.
TLC says
I went to my 10 year reunion this past August. I had a blast! I was a bit nervous as I’m divorced (but am in a steady relationship now), no kids, & I too feel like I didn’t quite achieve what everyone expected me to. Top in my class, leadership council, editor of the newspaper. I’m working as an Executive Assistant, & I love it! Good work life balance, decent pay/benefits, & it fits my planner-type personality. That’s enough to be grateful & feel successful in my own right. I do also run a small photography business (if you’re curious, I’m on FB: http://www.facebook.com/atouchoftlcphotos) so that makes me kinda “stand out” I guess, lol.
Silly side story: The song ‘Watch Me Whip, Watch me Nae Nae’ came on. No one knew the dance, so I went out to the middle of the dance floor & did it all by myself! Two former cheerleaders came out & tried to learn. Afterwards, I had a lot of people tell me how much they admired my confidence & general level of happiness. Other compliments included a male friend telling me I was back to my old self (with my BF, unlike with my ex husband); that felt especially good! And a guy voted favorite senior/football jock later told me I was one of the main reasons he came.. so we could catch-up (mind you, we weren’t friends in HS).
I don’t entirely agree with social media making reunions pointless. I really enjoyed seeing people face-to-face & having actual conversations. But I totally understand your reasons for not going.
Abigail says
Yeah, I’m sure there is something to be gained by an in-person experience. But given our various issues, I just really don’t want to deal with the questions — and expense!
Lisa O says
I went to one reunion since being out of school in ’83. We only went to one night because the second night was expensive and I didn’t feel the need to go. I did enjoy seeing a few people and we now do keep up on fb so it was worth it!
You have a lot on your plate so I would not go if I were you. Stay focused on what is important to you at home π
Abigail says
Yep, that’s the smartest choice, I think.
Impossible Girl says
I am one of those that truly doesn’t understand the H.S. reunion thing. I didn’t go to my 10th a few years ago and will not go to my 20th in a few years. I have kept in touch with a couple of people from that time, one of whom wasn’t even in my class so I don’t understand why I would want to travel back to my hometown to hang out with, essentially, strangers. I also don’t so social media so I don’t even know what any of those people are up to. I was a weirdo theater kid who got the hell out of dodge as it were as soon as possible and if my parents didn’t still live there I would never go back.
So yeah, don’t feel bad or anything and in fact… do what I did instead… hang out at home and watch Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion. A true classic
Abigail says
Oooooh, that’s gotta be what I do!
Funny about Money says
As a target of unremitting bullying through most of grade school, I came to deeply dislike school and so can’t imagine going to a reunion. Middle and high schools were better — when you leave a town and go to a new school, no one knows you’re a goat and so you get a few friends, or at least aren’t harassed. But we weren’t there long.
We went to my ex-husband’s 20th reunion — he grew up in a small town. It was weird. Our son was five or six years old, and a lot of the women in his class were GRANDMOTHERS! Albeit he was five years older than me, but that’s not enough that I should’ve been a grandmother.
At any rate: agreed! Like you, I wouldn’t travel 10 to sixteen hours to the tune of a couple of grand for the sake of a high-school reunion. Especially when it’s so easy to keep in touch online.
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Abigail says
Yeah, my mom’s hometown has a pretty young parenthood rate as I understand it. Mom had me at 20 and apparently at least a couple of people had wondered when she was going to start a family. Eep.
Funny about Money says
LOL! It must be the generation. One of ex-DH’s law partner’s wives — also a product of a small town — remarked that she was “advanced” in starting to have babies in her late teens. It wasn’t ironic.
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Jenn says
I know how this feels. Some friends of mine just traveled to their high school reunion, and explained that it felt a lot like you explained you thought it would be. Now that we have Facebook, Instagram, and Blogs, it really doesn’t feel like I haven’t seen these people in 15 years. I’m still up-to-date on who became a dentist, who moved to Alaska, who just had their 5th child… so I understand why it may be hard to justify traveling for. No shame in staying home! Maybe make a reunion of your own, with people you actually care about.
Abigail says
Yeah, I actually touched base with a gal yesterday on Facebook when I was giving something away. She and I started chatting, and it turns out we have a lot of health/mental health/infertility issues in common. So I gave her my email, and I expect we’ll have something of an ongoing correspondence. Other folks, much as I love them, I just have very little in common with. They’re lawyers, they have kids, they’re healthy, etc. And they’re busy, and I’m a depressive. So attempts at ongoing communication just kind of petered out. I’m not sure we’d have much to talk about in person — or whether they’re going at all.
Jenna Lobb says
I live in terror of “What do you do for a living?” No matter who asks it; no matter if they actually care or not. Too personal to I tell them medical reasons are keeping me out of the job market. Ugh. What do you do when generic questions are not as innocuous as they are supposed to be?
Point being: no reunion. High school was unpleasant for me, being undiagnosed BP II, so everything was breathless and terrifying.
Abigail says
Tim has that problem a lot. He dreads social interaction with new people because it’s one of the first things they ask. It’s meant to be a casual conversation starter. But people don’t think because they don’t have the experience of being “other.” Other than the norm, other than the healthy, other than them.
I think your response is good. Unfortunately, most people either freeze up when you mention medical issues or ask too many questions. It’s a fine balance. If I want to know more, especially in person, I tend to preface it with, “Please don’t answer this if it’s too personal…” because everyone has a different threshold. I have very little but there are still a few.