With the pinch in our budget, it’s more important than ever that we don’t have to pay for Tim’s yearly trip out of pocket.
So I applied for the Chase Sapphire card, which has some great rewards — especially for our purposes. Namely, it’s geared toward travel.
We get 1 point per dollar spent — but a rate of 1.25 points per dollar when we redeem toward travel. And there’s the nice little sign-up bonus of 50,000 miles once we spend $5,000. That’ll help cover Tim’s trip — and leave plenty toward the next trip we take together.
The application was easy, and within minutes I was approved… for $20,000.
Uh, what?!
I felt immediately that there had been a mistake. Clearly, Chase had confused us for adults. Rich ones.
Then I realized that, for all my confused scrambling through life, we are adults. Ones with a high income.
It’s just always startling to remember that we’re grownups. Because it never really feels like it. Even when I argue vehemently that we’re adults, I expect someone to point and call me a liar.
Honestly, a lot of being a grownup feels like tap dancing on a frozen lake — and hearing some ominous cracking sounds.
I’m just waiting for someone to come along and see:
- Our comic book-based collectibles
- The layer of dust… pretty much everywhere
- The clutter… pretty much everywhere
- The lumps of laundry on the floor
- The thin film of makeup dust in the main bathroom’s sink
- (Hopefully, the person will be smart enough to just skip the toilets)
- The numerous pizza boxes in the trash
- The barren state of our cupboards and fridge.
And then promptly snatch away our “Adult” cards. Probably burning the things in front of us.
(Mental note: Get “Adult” cards. Just in case anyone needs proof. Me, for example.)
Let me count the ways
Then I realize that we actually do adult stuff all the time.
- We navigate things like insurance.
- We deal with various specialists.
- We own a house and arrange for the seemingly endless repairs that entails.
- We pay bills — almost always on time, too!
- We refill prescriptions — also almost always on time.
- We have retirement accounts, even if they’re woefully underfunded.
- I go to an annual conference. Somehow I was even on a panel last time.
- We use rewards to book travel.
- We save for things like dental implants.
- We actively try to have a kid.
- We debate whether to keep trying to have a kid.
The verdict is in
So yeah. We’re stupidly, somewhat depressingly, adult.
We’re so adult that we have to consciously choose to be juvenile on our birthdays. Like going to water parks or Dave & Buster’s — but even then I used LivingSocial vouchers and looked for coupons.
And we’re adult enough that, when we do fall down on the job, I’m disappointed in us. Because I know we can do better. And I’m adult enough to realize that there will, alas, be plenty more opportunities to do better.
So I guess if I were a credit card company, I’d give us a large limit too. Hoping that we’re not quite adult enough to be able to pay off what we charge.
Do you really feel like a grownup? If not, when are you startled by your adulthood?
PS. Incidentally, Miranda Marquit and Harland Landes have a podcast on iTunes called Adulting. They’re two very funny, insightful individuals, so I recommend checking it out.
Penny @ She Picks Up Pennies says
I definitely don’t feel like a grown up. I was just telling Mr. P that the other night while I spilled on the stove as I made dinner. When I think back to my parents, they always seemed so together, so knowledgeable, so adult. But I’m now I’m starting to realize that’s probably just the lens I looked through…and maybe they both could have had careers in sales. I sure bought it!
Smart move with the rewards card. That’s how we paid for our wedding (and most of the honeymoon as rewards), and that’s also how we’ve finance both our Master’s degrees. It’s such a great system as long as you’ve got a plan in place to make sure you don’t get burned (which you totally do!). Hooray, adulting. Hooray, credit card hacking.
Penny @ She Picks Up Pennies recently posted…Why I Stopped Hoping for Snow Days
Abigail says
We actually opened the United mileage cards (the one we were using before the Sapphire) to get free tickets for our honeymoon. I guess great minds think alike!
And yeah, I think kids just automatically assume their parents have it together because kids are in awe of their parents. I remember being baffled if I found out my mom didn’t know the answer to a question because… she knew everything. That’s what parents were there for, after all.
Anonymous says
OMG – that happened to us!! And I was like “we could buy a car with this credit limit!!!!”, and I knew someone who did that with his Dad’s Amex card. The sad thing is his Dad was probably close to our age when it happened. We applied for the card to pay off another card used to pay for a portion of a child’s college tuition. It was zero interest for 6 months on balance transfers and we took the 6 months to pay off what we could have paid off immediately. Thinking we would hopefully get approved for enough to transfer the balance, we were shocked by the approval amount. Then when we thought about it realized that yes, we deserved it. We’ve worked hard controlling our debt and saving as much as possible.
Adulting isn’t what I thought it would look like either. I don’t feel that much different than I did when I was in my 20’s but I’m consistently making good financial decisions where I wasn’t then.
While we felt complimented that we earned a big credit limit it still scares me, so I want to have the limit decreased. We have no need at all (I think you have a very good reason) to use that credit limit.
Abigail says
That’s actually a good point. When all this is over, maybe I’ll ask the limit to be lowered. We’ll see what crops up next in life before I make that determination, though.
I’m glad you were able to finance the payoff a little smarter. Never hurts to get a few more months’ interest on the money before you fork it over.
Funny about Money says
If you have the frugal-living mentality, the high limit probably doesn’t matter. You’re not likely to run up 20 grand on credit-card bills, unless you have the cash to pay it off. Think of the kickback on…oh, say a down payment on an SUV… 😀
Funny about Money recently posted…Goodreads: The Last Social-Media Straw
Abigail says
No, we definitely won’t use that much credit (except in the brief instance of Tim’s oral surgery), but it was still startling. And hey, maybe after the onslaught of ridiculous spending I can convince the card company to waive the second year’s annual fee. Worth a shot.
Leah says
Not to be Debbie-downer, but I feel like too much of an adult this week. I need a break. My favorite Aunt is fading rapidly in the throes of dementia & I can’t fix my Mom’s heart from breaking about it. Compounded with their financial stuff & our financial stuff I can’t whisk her off to see her. I feel helpless. I will be flying her down on our AK Air companion fare, but she has to choose between now or after. #Adulting can suck.
Abigail says
Adulting often sucks. I feel like we only truly feel like adults when we’re doing the unpleasant stuff like paying bills or taking care of other people. I’m glad you’re able to help your mom see her sister, but I’m sorry for your family’s… loss? grief? Tragedy, I suppose is the best term.
Donna Freedman says
Still don’t have all the answers, but I’m having fun looking for them.
I remember the first time I had to sign a report card and attend a parent-teacher conference. Holy cow…Isn’t that something my MOM would have done? Except that I was the mom. Very startling.
Donna Freedman recently posted…The one good thing about being sick.
Abigail says
Well, you played it off very well. Had me convinced!
Alice @ Earning My Two Cents says
I totally get this. I feel like I’m still 16 sometimes. That is, until I spend time around college students or other people younger than me. Then I am really clear on who the adult is. Or I find myself discussing planning for maternity leave, health insurance coverage, or tax deductions and being really interested in the conversation. Yeah, I guess that whole being an adult this snuck up on me. But I still reserve the right to listen to the same music as I did in high school and blast it, but not too too loud, cause you know, neighbors and hearing damage.
Abigail says
Yeah, now it’s more about hearing damage than enjoying the volume. And you’re right that sometimes you feel like an adult more by comparison than anything else. I remember going to a live show of a YouTube person we like. And almost everyone else was of college age. I heard someone behind me say, “I’m going to be 20 next week. It’s so weird!” I had just turned 35.
I guess you’re right that we at least feel like adults in certain moments, like taxes, insurance, etc. Or like kids who are really good at playing it all off.
Kat says
I guess growing up with a parent who wasn’t entirely perfect (alcoholism) means I had a vastly altered definition of what an adult looked like. Having the flaws of a human very obviously depicted meant I knew adults were not these fully formed creatures who had it all going for them.
I feel like an adult, I think it’s because I worry about “adult” things far too often to be considered a child. Even if I didn’t have that, the way that people suddenly attempt to treat me like a child upon learning I’m disabled? Oh, i feel fully grown up and angry FAST when that happens.
What I do feel is floored that people consider me to be well organized, or confident, or capable. I worry over those things, and feel like a failure, way too often to consider myself any of those things. My credit ratings and limits fall into that category. Finding out how much morgage I qualified for? I felt faint.
Abigail says
Yeah, mortgage approval amounts are often quite a shock to the system too.
I like your point about flawed human beings. I suppose that definitely would help. I never realized quite how little experience my mom had until I was helping her find an apartment. I had to talk her out of signing up for the first unit she saw, since there were some major flaws (upstairs when she had a heavy couch, laundry was downstairs, etc.). My therapist reminded me that Mom hadn’t had to look at a place for herself in nearly three decades. And before that, it was only having to find one or two places before she met my dad.
Linda says
I’m 64 and don’t feel like an adult.
Discover gave me a credit card limit that is way too high for my income. However, I know it and I will never pay them the interest they would charge for that. I will keep it where I can pay it off every month. So there, Discover.
I worry about what happens to me in my old age. Maybe I’m already there. I don’t have a retirement fund. All I have is my federal government pension. It’s a lot more money than my parents receive from social security and my dad’s pitiful $5000 per year pension. However, it won’t be of much use should I need to go in to assisted living or a nursing home.
I have pre-existing conditions and can not get long term care insurance. So I am paying off my CC debt (most monthly, some at 0% until January 2017 and some at 9%) and my car loan. Then I have promised myself I will not run up CC debt again unless it is a medical emergency.
Abigail says
Glad you’re showing Discover who’s boss! And that you’ve got such good interest on the CC debt you do have.
Looking at reduced income for retirement is pretty scary — especially if you’re aware enough of health issues to know long-term care is a potential. I mean, it’s a potential for everyone, but sick people tend to be more aware of it.
Sarah Noelle @ The Yachtless says
Well, I for one feel sure you are an adult without needing to check your trash for pizza boxes. You definitely qualify. 🙂
Feeling like an adult…this is a timely question for me since I just finished grad school. For years and years (well, ok, since 2010), when people have asked “what do you do?” I’ve had to say, “I’m a student.” (Actually after a while I started just answering, “I work in a lab”, which was true but just conveniently left out the student part.) And now that I’m *finally* done, I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to think, “I am NOT a student anymore. I am an actual real live adult.” Because while theoretically anyone of any age could be a student, there’s something about it that has always felt mutually exclusive with adulthood to me.
I’m so glad you found a credit card solution that will give you travel points. Go Holly!
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Abigail says
It’s true that anyone can be a student. My mom went back to college in her late 40s. And you’re right that it’s hard to think of someone as truly an adult while they’re in school. Unless they have a kid and/or a full-time, off-campus job too. So I guess being an adult is at least partially about exhaustion?
Anya says
Hubby and I have crazy limits on our credit cards, too. I’m assuming you have a good credit score which is why you get $20k. You’re low risk to a bank so they’re confident they’ll get the $20k back one way or another (but they hope they can make a shit ton of interest in the process).
As far as the adult thing, I never feel like one. I don’t have action figures or a layer of dust (I like to clean), but I still get a kick out of sex jokes, veggie pizza and craft beer are an acceptable meal three nights in a row (and cold leftover pizza for breakfast the following morning), and I can’t sit in a chair like a proper woman. And I like it this way. In our case, I attribute it to being childfree. We get the best of both worlds – we get the perks of being adults – money, freedom – with the option of acting like children/teenagers any time we want.
Abigail says
That’s a good point. A lot less stress can be had by remembering to kick back. And not being beholden to a growing human’s expectations of you. (And yes, our credit is pretty good. Not perfect, but definitely in the mid-700s or so.)
Stefanie OConnell says
Total adults! And the best part is, you’re good ones too. I love your approach of finding ways to be resourceful in covering this major expense and making it all work, rather than just resigning yourselves to the circumstances and playing victim (which I find to be true of many adults).
Abigail says
Aha, so another way we’re not adults! But seriously, thank you. And yes, we do plenty of adult things. And while slogging through that, we feel plenty grownup. Because it’s hard to feel like a kid when so many bills are coming your way. I guess it’s just the in-between times.
Emily @ JohnJaneDoe says
It took me a long time to feel like an adult…mid 30s or so. But, I was kinda living like a kid,. Even though I wasn’t being irresponsible with money or work, I basically just worked and played and lacked being connected to the world in nonwork ways. I think I had to build those connections in adult contexts (non work friends, church, hubby, kid, volunteering) to have it hit home that despite my love of video games, books and movies I’m still an adult.
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Abigail says
I definitely think that books and movies are a completely traditional adult pastime. So are video games at this point, but they definitely don’t help us feel like adults.
The factors you listed do definitely help. When I had more of a social circle, I think I felt more like an adult. Or at least a bunch of kids who were very good at fooling “real” grownups.
ArianaAuburn says
The day I got married was the day I felt like an adult. Kids don’t make those kinds of commitments.
Abigail says
Yeah, I suppose at least most of my wedding day was spent feeling like an adult. I think a small part of me wondered when someone was going to realize I wasn’t really a grownup and call a halt to it all. But mainly, adult.
Jana @ Jana Says says
I think “adult” is such a huge concept that it’s hard to ever really feel like you’re an actual adult. To me, though, being an adult is making smart, responsible choices, independently supporting yourself, and recognizing that it’s also okay to embrace the “nonadult” parts of yourself. So if you’re doing that, you’re adulting. Even if your house is a little dirty and you spend your Saturdays playing video games.
I actually wrote a whole post on why I prefer being an adult to being a kid even though, most days, I feel like I’m 15. 18 tops.
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Abigail says
Yeah, I read that post and loved it! There were some good points that I’ve been trying to keep in mind. I like that part of an adult is about being non-adult. It’s a good outlook!
Impossible Girl says
Nothing says “adult” like having a 10-minute conversation with your SO about the gas stations in the area with the cheapest prices and feeling jealous when he paid $.03 per gallon less than you.
TEN. FREAKIN. MINUTES.
Abigail says
I say you take that $.03 (per gallon) out of his wallet. It seems only fair.
Hannah says
A newer friend remarked that she was surprised that I loved sports and Zoolander so much. When I asked why, she said, “Well you’ve got kids, and jobs, and houses, and you wear reasonable clothing and drive a sensible car.”
My response, “I’ve got all of you tricked!”
Sometimes, you take care of shit like an adult, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that you like to have a good time. (It just takes away from the time and money available for carousing and other child like activities).
Abigail says
What exactly constitutes “reasonable clothing” I wonder? And yeah, I think my carousing time/energy has been severely cut into by this whole grownup thing.
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor says
I am also very much shocked by our credit limits and general “adult” status. Maybe in part because we’ve embraced somewhat of a college lifestyle–buying most things used or even trash picking–that keeps us feeling young! Great idea to charge the big ticket surgeries for rewards.
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Abigail says
Yeah, I’m more than happy to get about a $250 credit from his teeth! Though I should double check that the dentist doing the dentures doesn’t have a cash discount. I already checked with the oral surgeon, and he doesn’t.
I think you’re right about used stuff. Brand new items feel terribly adult. Finding something in a thrift store or as a hand-me-down… That feels young at heart.
middle class revolution says
I completely feel like an adult… I have an reasonable car, kids, steady job, etc.. However, I do love Zoolander so that disqualifies me a little? My style icons are in their 20s so I’m not quite sure my clothing is age appropriate except I don’t show skin 🙂
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Abigail says
After a certain age, it’s definitely hard to know whether you’re dressing your age. And I’m glad to know *someone* feels completely like an adult. Maybe you should write a how-to guide.
DC @ Young Adult Money says
My wife got the Chase Sapphire preferred card and it’s definitely a good one! I am hopefully going to have the business version of it (Chase Ink) shortly.
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted…Where Do the 2016 Presidential Candidates Stand on Student Loans?
Donna Freedman says
I’ve got the Chase Ink. It works.
Donna Freedman recently posted…The one good thing about being sick.
Abigail says
I’ve heard good things about that card. Mainly from my mom, but I know she gets plenty of rewards from it.
Catherine says
Hold on a sec. His (implant retained) dentures are costing $11,000?! or are you doing bridge work? 11k for dentures seems astronomically high even for implant retained. The only difference b/w implant dentures and traditional is that they have attachments inside (kind of like baby clothes)….but if he’s having the screws placed I’m a little confused. Seems like a ton of cash either way???
Abigail says
Yep, implant-retained dentures cost a ton. The absolute cheapest kind are ones that lock onto the ball (which is screwed onto the post in his gums — so the posts will be implanted in the first go, then the ball cap or whatever you call it is screwed on top in the second procedure). Those are $6,000-8,000.
The kind he wants… There will be a small bar that locks in on the implants. The dentures attach to the bar. It’s more secure. There’s less movement, and you don’t have to keep going back to the dentist to get the housings. (The traditional ones that snap onto the implants means that the housings where the implants snap in will wear out. When that happens, you have to go to the dentist and have new ones put in. It’s not every couple of months, but it still occurs. And that’s a pain.) But most importantly: There’s less movement. Short of permanent dentures (which he doesn’t want for a variety of reasons), these will be the most secure and give him the most bite strength. Hence the extra few thousand. But at these costs, it makes more sense to just get exactly what he wants the first time. Lest we do the normal dentures and find that he doesn’t feel like they’re secure… then have to get brand new ones made.
Miranda says
This is one of the most true posts I have seen here lately. I’m always looking around for an actual adult, because certainly it can’t be me! It’s a sudden and sad reality when you look around and figure out that time flew by, and now you’re the adult that your kids look to for things. I know I still look to the people who raised me for guidance.
Miranda recently posted…January Financial Recap
Alyssa @ GenerationYRA says
I absolutely do not feel like an adult, but I also like to maintain a healthy youthful spirit (my fiancé and I definitely hit water parks & arcades, too for Birthdays)! When it comes into perspective is when I’m in “real world” settings (i.e. an office or public space) and I somehow know more than the parties over the age of 30 or 40. Oftentimes it’s just because I recognize my curiosity to continue learning definitely holds an advantage with “adulting!” My fiancé & I have the sapphire and that is an absolutely great card. We are well on our way of getting two round trip flights to Europe in 2017.
Abigail says
Arcades can be a lot of fun. I wish we lived closer to them. Or maybe it’s a good thing that we don’t… And yep, it’s always strange to realize you know more than someone significantly older than you.
I hope you guys have fun in Europe. Eventually, I’d really like to take Tim to at least England. Lots of fun stuff there. There are a couple of places he’d like to visit too.
Abigail says
Actually, he’s needed dentures since his early to mid 20s. Inherited calcium defiency + tons of steroids for asthma/eczema = problem teeth starting in high school. We got him actual dentures when we were 29. But you’re supposed to put some weight into at least the lower jaw one within the first decade to prevent too much bone loss. Ick.
And thank you for the compliment. I wish I could say that it’s all selfless to help others. It is but… this is also my place for thinking things out/venting/getting support from you guys. Still, as long as it works for all parties, right?
If it makes you feel any better, plenty of adults play video games these days. Most of them, I think. But it is hard to feel grownup when you’re yelling at your console.
Linda says
The first time it hit me that I was a real adult was when I was in my early 30s. I was visiting my mom at the house where I was raised from a child and was picking up food we had ordered from one of our favorite restaurants to treat ourselves when I was a kid. In quick succession the thoughts crossed my mind: I’m having trouble recalling the route; I’m driving a car I paid for myself; I’m married; hey, I’m an adult now! 😉
BTW, I don’t play video games and never have. I don’t play games on my phone, either. I guess I’m just weird.
Linda recently posted…Quickly!
teinegur says
The first time I really felt like an adult even after my kids was at holiday time instead of sitting at the kid’s table I was “gasp* at the adult table! that was weird for me LOL
Abigail says
Haha, I suppose perspective can really drive it home. Mean of them to make you sit at the kids’ table, though.