So we saw the reproductive endocrinologist on Wednesday. Fun fact: The hematologist never sent the information that he said (three weeks ago) would be sent the same day. Also, the genetic counselor still hasn’t sent over Tim’s results despite two requests.
We told the RE that both of us were given the all-clear on the genetics tests. And that the hematologist didn’t find anything wrong.
He understandably still wants to get the records. But he went ahead and gave us options anyway. He wasn’t willing to put me on anti-coagulants “just in case.” So that’s out.
Instead, we have three options:
- IVF
- Fertility drugs
- Just keep trying on our own
IVF is out of the question.
Even if we had $10,000 – 15,000, we wouldn’t spend it trying to make a new child.
At that rate, we’d just go adopt outside the U.S. or something. (With our health problems, I truly doubt anyone here would willingly give us her baby — especially with so many eager, healthy parents out there.)
But we don’t have that kind of money anyway, so the whole thought exercise is moot.
Also out of the question is trying again without adding anything to the mix.
So we’re going to try fertility drugs. Before any of you freak out, the doctor is only going to give me enough to release two or three eggs. Nothing crazy.
The idea being that if there’s multiple eggs, it’s more likely that at least one is chromosomally healthy.
Even though the “product of conception” (ugh) that we sent off to a lab tested normal. I mean, there’s certainly a chance that it was the only one of five that was fine. But it seems unlikely, since each time the fetus has simply stopped developing.
Then again, I have absolutely no scientific or medical background. So maybe he’s right. Doesn’t feel like it, but maybe.
Tim wants to try a new doctor. He thinks this guy is disorganized. But mostly the issue has been records, which is reliant on other doctors.
More importantly, I just don’t have it in me to find someone new, get a referral, set up an appointment, review all our history, hope that this time records are transferred without issue, and see what he/she suggests.
Instead, we have an appointment with the current RE for June 3rd. At that point, they’ll do an ultrasound to check on egg development or something. I’m still not completely clear.
Then he’ll give me the shot to release extra eggs. I’ll get sent home with a prescription for progesterone, and I’ll take folic acid (integral to vascular development) and baby aspirin. Just to cover all of our bases.
If that doesn’t work, then maybe I’ll try a new doctor to see if (s)he has any other suggestions. If there’s a new theory, we can decide whether it’s worth it to try yet again.
Or we’ll just accept that we weren’t meant to have kids of our own.
In which case we’d get started on the foster care application and see if we qualified for that. I know we have health problems, but we also have a total of four people to keep an eye on any kid/teen we get. I’d think that counts for something.
And if that doesn’t work… well, think about how much more we’ll be able to put into retirement and how much more we can afford to travel and… sigh.
Have any of you tried fertility meds? Anyone know about how long it takes to get approved for foster care? Or heck, just tell me something positive going on in your life.
DC @ Young Adult Money says
Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I can’t say I can relate because I really have no desire to have kids for at least 5 or 6 years, but I can imagine how difficult it would be to want kids and not be able to have them. I think you’re doing the right thing and are trying different options and whatnot. I’ll say a prayer that the fertility drugs work; it’s definitely worth trying, that’s for sure.
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Abigail says
It’s good that you’re planning the event more. Especially since you’re going back to grad school. We appreciate your prayer.
Christina @ Embracing Simple says
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time with getting pregnant :(. I think trying out the fertility meds sounds like a great decision for you. I am sending baby dust your way and hope for a super sticky little bean!!
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Abigail says
Haha, well thank you.
J says
Sending lots of positive vibes your way that fertility treatments will be successful! My own journey with infertility was mercifully short – due to my extremely irregular “cycles” (which ran anywhere from 2-3 weeks to 4 months), I have known since I was a teen that I did not ovulate normally (if at all) so when we started trying, we were referred to a clinic in just a couple of months (though I found it super depressing to be in need of fertility treatments at the age of 26). Clomid did the trick after only a few months, both times – our children are now almost 5 and almost 3, so it was a good experience for us (we know we totally lucked out by not having to try IVF, IUI or anything else). You and Tim would make amazing parents and I really hope that this will be the answer for you!
Abigail says
Thanks! And I’m glad you were able to find success. My cycle is a teeny variable and it drives me crazy. Can’t imagine how I’d feel never knowing when a period was about to pounce.
Linda says
It really irritates me that standard medical practice doesn’t involve giving the patient any information on tests for their records. My doc back in Chicago always provided me with copies of ANY blood work or tests she had ordered, and a copy of notes from our visit so I could keep records myself. That came in very handy when transitioning to new doctors here because I just brought my file along and let them copy what they needed. As patients, I believe we shouldn’t have to ask for this stuff, but that’s the way it is. If you requested copies from the other docs, then you could bring those along to the specialist and there wouldn’t be this frustrating nonsense about not having records of test results, etc. Ugh!
As someone who has had ultrasound of my ovaries for very different reasons that still got me caught up in the SOP ridiculousness, I can tell you they want to see how developed the follicle is before they give you the shot to force it to “pop,” so to speak. (In my case I wasn’t trying to induce ovulation, just figure out if I had a cyst still hanging around, but the stupid nurse kept telling me the ultrasound had to be at a certain day of my “cycle” which wasn’t reliably “cycling” making me pretty irritated with her. I finally got the doctor to intervene and sort it all out, but…well…another UGH! for unnecessary, time-wasting medical crap!)
I hope the drugs work for you. You’ve been through an awful lot and deserve a break.
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Abigail says
Okay, I thought that was the reason they were doing the ultrasound, but a lot of information got thrown our way. My cycle likes to vary up to 5 days, so the doctor told me to call in if I started early. They’d try to fit me in. Luckily, there’s a three-day window.
Kara @ The Daily Whisk says
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with fertility issues.
Sending you all sorts of good luck and good fortune and just plain hugs!
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Abigail says
Thanks, we appreciate all good vibes sent our way.
Jen says
I’m disappointed for you. It seems your problem is not conceiving, but carrying to term. I don’t know how clomid helps that. I was hopeful they would give you anticoagulants.
Best of luck.
Abigail says
Yeah, it generally only takes us 1-2 months to get pregnant once we decide to try. We were also hoping he’d give us an anti-coagulant. Baby aspirin can help in that area, so I’ll just have to content myself with that. And folic acid, to be sure that the issue isn’t the vascular system failing to thrive.
Jen says
If it doesn’t work out with this doc, don’t hesitate to look for another.
Abigail says
Yeah, it’s more about whether I have the heart to start the process over again. But we’ll see how I feel if the topic comes up again.
Funny about Money says
If your insurance will let you go to St. Joseph’s, see if you can make an appointment with Dr. Tracy Contant there. She’s awesome. Not a fertility specialist, but if you explain your frustration, she’ll try to get you in to see the best person she knows.
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Abigail says
I’ll keep that in mind if I decide to get a new PCP, which I’ve been considering for awhile anyway.
Hannah says
Foster care approval can be quite quick depending on your state or county it can be just 3-6 months, but we also had friends who took 18 months getting approved due to job changes and generally poor timing.
I’ve seen one important theme develop in friends who are struggling with infertility which is that they have to go through a bit of an emotional struggle where they come to the realization that adopted kids aren’t a consolation prize. One helpful book recommendation (from these friends) is called Adopted for Life (my parents also love this) which is on that topic and is written from a Christian perspective. I’ve read about 1/2 of it, and I thought it to have a lot of wisdom.
Abigail says
That’s a good point to remember. In the end, I’m sure we’ll love whatever kid we get. I’d prefer a baby of our own so that we can get all the stages of development. With foster care, we’re going to be prepared to get an older kid. Probably even a teen.
That said, I’ll be sure to work with my therapist on that theme while we wait to be approved.
Kat says
Fingers crossed.
Foster parent approval varies by state, and even by county (how many workers there are, specifically). You actually have some strong positives going for you- both parents are home routinely, you work from home (meaning you would have an easier time handling a younger child’s time needs while retaining employment), there’s a built in support network via your in laws, etc. As for adoption, you might want to talk to an agency- there are kids who have a harder time being adopted. If you’re open to adopting siblings, mixed race, or special needs kids? That’s something not a lot of people are willing to do.
With doctors and records, I’ve always stood by what my fiancé used to call my paranoid ways. If the doctor I’m seeing needs records from a different doctor, I show up with the records in hand. It’s saved me a lot of time and energy- because I got damn sick of paying a co-pay to find out they didn’t have the information the appointment was to discuss. Admittedly, you do end up signing a LOT of consent forms, but it makes things go a lot easier. I haven’t dealt with this in regards to fertility- we’re not quite at that stage yet (I love Depo- no periods), but we will eventually be talking to a genetics counselor. I have no clue how much good it will do- there’s no way to tell if a kid will have an ‘active’ case of porphyria based on genetic screenings (you always get the mutation- you just don’t always have the disease).
Abigail says
Okay, I’ll bear that in mind when if we do give up on having a kid that’s (genetically) our own. Honestly, I don’t think we could handle a special needs kid, not with the range of health problems we’re already juggling. Siblings might make for a tight squeeze. But it’s good to know we have options.
Good luck when you do get to that stage. I can’t imagine how frustrating a “maybe” would be in that scenario.
Erika says
I’m not trying to be snarky, but it’s Extremely Challenging to grow two eggs into babies in your body! Nonetheless three. My twins will turn three this summer. They were conceived naturally and weighed 15 lbs. 7 oz. in total. Full term. Any multiple pregnancy is a full time job, no joke!
Best wishes to you.
Abigail says
Oh, trust me, that’s definitely a worry. As I understand it, twins tend to be born early and sometimes underweight. I think the idea is just increasing the chance that one egg gets fertilized will be a-okay. If multiple ones get fertilized and stick… well, we’ll worry about that once the kids would get big enough to need more room.
Revanche says
I’m sending you all the positive vibes and goodness I can muster. I have no wisdom to offer, but I can certainly support whatever path you have to tread and if it results in a small human of a particular size, we should talk.
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Abigail says
Yes indeed we will definitely have some talks.
Prudence Debtfree says
I’m sorry you’re going through such a time of uncertainty. I am related to someone who did IVF successfully (3 kids now). I am also related to someone who took fertility meds successfully (2 kids now). The most difficult option of all seems to be adoption – including international adoption. I wish you very well with the fertility meds, and I wish you the capacity to maintain some steady contentment even through this time of limbo. All the best.
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Abigail says
Yeah, I’m trying to remind myself that stress won’t help anything. So to just sort of… see where it goes. Three kids via IVF? Financial ouchie. But I’m glad your relative has a happy family.
Catseye says
I am really sorry that your medical records weren’t forwarded as promised. Grrrrrr! Incompetence drives me up the wall and over it.
A piece of advice for office visits – record all meetings with medical professionals. That way, you can listen later, take notes and be certain about what you’ve been told.
As always, good thoughts and good luck to you and Tim.
Kasey says
We went through this dilemma- IVF or foster to adopt? I highly highly highly recommend Nia Vardalos’s Instant Mom. (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) Her story is funny and poignant and just… So relevant to what you’re going through right now. It helped me so much!
Melissa F says
I am also sending some thoughts and prayers your way. I don’t have any experience with fertility drugs, IVF and things of that nature. All I can say is to try and relax and know there is a bigger hand involved up above and He may decide that this is your time. I am hoping that is the case. If you decide to go the foster parent route, I think that is very awesome too. In the meantime, there are programs like big brother and sisters where you can hang out, mentor and make a huge difference in a little’s life for a few hours a month. (A little being a child maybe from a single parent home or other situations). It’s a great way to get the toes wet while waiting for other options to come through. Either way, wishing you and Tim the best of luck. Take care
Abigail says
Yeah, I need to focus on relaxing while I’m pregnant. Stress isn’t good for the baby. I need to get better at relaxing in baths or something.
Kristin says
So sorry to hear about this. It makes me so frustrated how much work goes into keeping track of medical records and paperwork when it comes to offices that aren’t that organized. I would also be really discouraged to work up the energy to switch doctors after all the work you have put into it.
Sending positive vibes on the fertility treatment!!
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Abigail says
Yeah, I think I’ll be more willing to muster the energy if this time doesn’t work. For now, let’s just see what this new option brings.
Holly@ClubThrifty says
I know several people who took fertility drugs and got pregnant in a reasonable amount of time! It definitely works – I hope it works for you!
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Abigail says
Well, our issue isn’t getting pregnant so much as staying pregnant. But yeah, I’m cautiously optimistic. Very cautiously, but it’s something.
Shannyn @ Frugal Beautiful says
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I’m sending more good vibes your way and hoping that the fertility treatment works!
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Abigail says
Thanks, we can always use the extra boost.
m says
Sorry you’re going through this 🙁 We tried for 12 years. I had completely and utterly given up for years. It’s exhausting and draining – mentally, physically, spiritually, psychologically, ad nauseam. A few years ago, my hubby pushed me to go to yet another doctor and try. So, we went to a fertility clinic. I had already seen dozens of doctors, RE’s, etc. This was the first place to really take me seriously and figure out what was wrong. After seeing the specialist and coming up with a game plan, I still had absolutely no faith that it would work. But I did it for hubby. After just 2 cycles, we were pregnant. For the first time ever. And today we have a beautiful blonde hair blue eye baby boy approaching his 2nd year on earth. He is our world. Our everything. Try to stay positive 🙂 I NEVER thought it would happen for me/us. It did. It can happen for you. Switching doctors sucks huge donkey balls, but it’s worth it if you find the right team to get to the root of the issue – and work around it. Thankfully, we live in a time where there are so many ways to build a family!
Abigail says
Okay, if this time doesn’t work, maybe I’ll look into one last RE.
AuntLeesie says
Many years ago, I was on Clomid for other fertility reasons. I didn’t get pregnant on Clomid, but did right after I went off of it, and although the pregnancy was a roller coaster ride (full bed rest twice), our second son was born healthy near term. Crossing fingers and saying prayers for you and Tim. May the sixth time be your charm!
Abigail says
Thanks, that’s what we’re hoping too!
Jennifer @WanderlustWallet says
Dealing with medical records (and the medical system) can be very frustrating. My husband and I have had some limited experience with medical records or results falling through the cracks or not arriving before scheduled appointments. I’m sorry you are going through all of this and am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. I hope everything works out well for you and Tim!
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Abigail says
Yeah, given that doctors have office staff, it’s always frustrating when these things fall through the cracks. And thanks, I always appreciate good thoughts going out into the universe.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach says
So sorry this has been a long, tough road for you both. Sending positive vibes the treatment works!
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Abigail says
Thanks, we do like those good vibes! (But now I have Marky Mark stuck in my head.)
SD says
We went through the whole clomid/HCG shot/IUI cycle for about 5 months after trying on our own unsuccessfully for a few years. Our situation was a bit different. We just never conceived. Almost like nothing was making contact at all, and none of the docs could find anything wrong with either of us. We finally had some success on that last cycle, which also happened to be the cycle with the worst numbers and the worst circumstances!
One thing that my RE mentioned was vitamin D. The majority of the population is deficient, and major deficiencies can cause infertility and miscarriage issues. Your RE may have already mentioned that if he’s got you on extra folic and baby aspirin, but I thought I’d throw that out there. Both my husband and I were deficient, so they put us on prescription level vitamin D at first, and then we were instructed to take OTC vitamin D on top of our prenatal/multivitamins.
The other good thing about doing the fertility cycles is that you have so many ultrasounds each month where they are checking on your uterus and the eggs beforehand, and then they carefully monitor the little bean weekly for the first month or two after conception. That brings peace of mind and also helps find any issues earlier than the normal 8/10 week appt. Only caveat there is to check with your insurance provider and find out what is covered for fertility. Our insurance did not cover much at all, and we ended up paying quite a bit out of pocket.
Abigail says
Luckily, my insurance is pretty good about diagnostic stuff. So I think we’re covered there. I’ll have to ask the RE about Vitamin D when I see him for the ultrasound. Every little bit, right?
Donna Freedman says
Throwing my own hat in the ring re Vitamin D. If you’ll recall, I was severely deficient while back in school and was put on the prescription level for a month and then told to take at least 800 IUs daily forever and ever.
I feel much better physically since doing so. Here’s hoping it helps with gestation, too.
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Abigail says
Yeah, I was deficient up in Seattle. Not sure how much more I get down here. It’s worth asking, I suppose. I should check with my PCP to see whether my blood tests checked those levels.
Kalie Brooks says
I really hope the new combination of treatment works. I used folic acid & baby aspirin to support my pregnancies after having two mc. As you probably know, it not only helps the baby develop but also prevents clotting which can stop development. I really believe it made a huge difference for me. Best wishes to you!
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Abigail says
Thanks, we’re hoping too. I guess we’ll see how June goes.
Tony @ Inequality Today says
It’s kind of funny and cruel, isn’t it? A lot of couples who want kids can’t have them, and a lot of people who don’t want kids (including myself) can have them. So I don’t really have any advice, but still I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties. Hopefully the fertility drugs will work. 😀
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Jackie says
I know you’ve been through a lot, and I hope this works for you. After three miscarriages and then not being able to get pregnant, we switched doctors and Clomid was what helped me get pregnant with my daughter. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you and thinking positive thoughts.
Meghan says
My heart has broken for you through each of your miscarriages. I read this article today and thought of you. I don’t know if it’s something you’ve already been tested for, but I figured it can’t hurt to pass it along. Best wishes to you and Tim as you continue to walk down this difficult path.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/05/03/…
Abigail says
Interesting, thanks. I’ll ask the doctor.
Tarynkay says
I stopped taking birth control in 2004. We went through the whole gamut of denial, “just relaxing”, giving up, seeking treatment, being told our infertility was unexplained, giving up again, finding complete peace about our infertility, and finally adopting domestically in 2011. We watched my husband’s sisters go through multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF before finally conceiving and had no interest in getting into that. The adoption was about six months of paperwork and then three months of waiting. I wouldn’t call it easy, but it also wasn’t the impossible thing that many people say it is. Our now 3 1/2 year old son is absolutely incredible and we are so grateful that we can be his parents.
Six days after he was born, my 52 year old single neighbor with serious health issues began fostering and eventually adopted a healthy newborn girl who had been safe surrendered at the hospital. So I wouldn’t assume that foster adoption= teenagers. Though adopting teenagers is a fantastic thing to do, don’t get me wrong. We know several families that have foster-adopted babies and young toddlers, though. Meanwhile, the youngest child I have seen come home in an international adoption was four. Most sending countries have tightened up regulations (which is really a good thing) and now make every effort for children to be placed in country before becoming available for international adoption. So most internationally adopted kids now are going to be older or have special needs or both. Again- great kids who need families- which is the whole point, not the other way around.
We had just started talking about adopting again or maybe just continuing to enjoy our awesome only child- then I got pregnant. I’m 17 weeks today, due in November. Just like that. I don’t know why. Ok, obviously I know how this happens. I just mean, why now? After 11 years? I definitely never thought that would happen, but there you go.
Anyhow, I just want to encourage you. I don’t really know how, bc I found very little encouraging when I was at this point, in the thick of treatment. But there are lots of beautiful ways to build a family, or to be a family without children and I am sure that you will ultimately find one.
Abigail says
Good to know about the foster care. And congratulations on your pregnancy! I appreciate all the information/encouragement. You’re right that I’m somewhat set against encouragement actually seeping into my brain. But it does get there (and it’s good for me), I promise.