It’s been suggested that I have personal finance burnout. I momentarily bristled at the comment — who wants to believe she’s a burnout? — before realizing it was absolutely true.
Wherein I’m toast
After all, I’ve been unable to create realistic financial projections. I’ve been exhausted at the thought of regular blogging and/or had a dearth of ideas. And while stress about money still overwhelmed me, I felt not nearly enough inclination to be frugal. I still did it (sometimes) but it felt forced.
How else would you describe that except for personal finance burnout?
I’ve been saying it’s depression and stress. And that remains true. But that’s rather more describing the symptoms than the actual malady.
So, yep. Burned out. A charred husk of my normal self. Guilty as charged. (As charred-ged?)
Getting over it
I feel like I’m slowly pulling out of this nosedive, but the person who floated the burnout idea had a very helpful point: I should share the process. Because everyone goes through this. (At least I hope so. Not that I wish ill on you guys, but I’ll be damned if I’m the only one suffering from this crap.)
So here’s how I’m getting out of it. And have gotten out of it in the past. Because, yes, it’s happened before. It’ll happen again. If you stick with any one thing long enough, burnout will occur.
Avoid (or get over) burnout: Forgive yourself
Frugal burnout will cause you to make mistakes, but arguably the burnout is also caused by your mistakes.
If you’re the type to read a personal finance blog (and you’re reading this so…), you probably work pretty hard to keep tabs on your finances. But no matter how diligent you are, life finds a way to muck things up. It might be that you indulged in one too many takeout meals, that your car broke down or that a bill got buried, causing a late payment. Mistakes and surprises happen.
And when you’re trying so damn hard… Well, the variances are like to drive you crazy. It begins to feel pointless. Why bother planning when life laughs in your face? Why even pretend you know how money will go for the month?
The mindset is understandable. Frankly, it’s probably the only sane response. But it’s not one you can afford to live with.
Instead, you have to figure out how to forgive yourself for your mistakes and general inability to predict life’s nasty sense of humor. Failure to do so will result in burn out.
And once burnout sets in, things only get harder.
You’ve retreated from the source of stress and probably gotten a little financially lax as a result. You start to wonder whether you can ever go back. After all, if things were that tough when you were actually trying, how bad will it be now that neglect has set in?
And so you wind up unable to act, afraid any move will be horribly insufficient — and probably yet another mistake.
I once had a professor who said that the “There are no stupid questions” statement was ridiculous. There are, he said, plenty of stupid questions. But if you have one, chances are someone else in the class will too, perhaps someone too shy to voice the question himself.
So, he asserted, the only thing for it was to ask the damned question. You’ll have your answer, and you’ll probably have helped at least one other person out.
A similar principle applies here.
You’re afraid you’re going to make mistakes? Well, stop worrying. Because you will. Absolutely. Definitely. Probably at least one really bad one. But staying paralyzed to avoid a misstep is untenable.
So ask the question, jump back into the personal finance fray, do whatever it is that you’re afraid to do. Preferably while also bracing for a humiliating reminder of your own stupidity.
Look at it this way: If things work out, it’ll be a nice surprise. If they don’t, you’re better positioned to shrug it off. And regardless of the outcome, know that there will be plenty of us online who will happily commiserate with or learn from your experience.
Break it down (way, way down)
Start small. Start teeny.
Almost everything in life is a path rather than a concrete destination. So the size of the steps you take doesn’t matter — only that you’re moving forward. (Admittedly, slower than most, but just think of it as taking more time to enjoy the scenery.)
A long list of financial tasks and obligations is intimidating, if not downright dizzying. One task at a time, while still unpleasant, should seem far more manageable.
I recommend starting with the smallest, simplest tasks. Getting it done gives you a sense of accomplishment that can spur you on in the face of harder items on the to-do list.
I do this with any chores or errands I have — financial or otherwise. It’s served me well, especially when depression or fatigue flares up.
My 1st step
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to start with a simple task because I needed to wrangle the monthly budget. Instead, I just had to break it down as best I could.
On Saturday I sat down at the computer and opened up the “September finances” Excel document. All the categories were the same, and most of the numbers, which saved me some time and effort. That meant I only had to worry about the bank balance and credit card payment.
I subtracted the payments already made this month from the credit card amount due, thereby giving me the amount we needed to pay this month.
I put that number and the new bank balance into the spreadsheet. Excel’s handy-dandy formulas did their thing, giving me the amount left over for the month. Now I knew how much to transfer into savings.
I scheduled the credit card payment for the following day and logged off.
Next up
On Sunday I logged into Capital One 360 and did all the monthly transfers.
I would absolutely advise most people to automate transfers. Automate everything, really. But that’s for healthy people with set-in-stone pay dates.
My check arrives between the 9th and 13th. Then one of us has to go deposit it. Then wait for it to clear. Then I write out a paycheck for myself (as an employee of my S-corp) and deposit it, waiting for that to clear. Then there’s enough money in the account for everything each month.
Arguably, I could just set up the transfers for later in the month, but as recent posts have proved, I get stressed out by having a bunch of unallotted money in our account too. So it’d be an issue of deciding how early is too early and how late is too late.
But for folks with normal jobs/brains… Automate!
Anyway, the transfers were done in less than 10 minutes. They’re very simple, really, since only the amount going to savings ever changes. It’s pretty mindless, meaning I stuck to the goal of taking small steps.
And then…
I was going to wait until Monday to set up the mortgage payment, but I finished with the transfers and still felt okay. (Like I said, conquering even small tasks gives you an empowering sense of accomplishment.)
So I logged into Bank of America and scheduled the payment for Monday.
Other than day-to-day spending, that took care of the major financial actions for the month.
The tough part: Know your spending (sorta)
Personal finance gurus and plenty of other bloggers have expounded on this point plenty, so I won’t belabor it. I’ll simply remind you that you can’t really be up on your PF game if you don’t have some idea of where your funds are going.
Unfortunately, that’s hard to do when you feel burned out on the entire subject of money. You probably won’t want to deal with the envelope system or saving receipts.
So when you’re trying to get back on the PF horse, you once again have to look for small steps toward it.
Most people seem to find software helpful. It doesn’t work for me. Our spending varies too much (and in too many categories) to really make accurate projections. But if your life is a bit more predictable, go shake virtual hands with Mint or You Need a Budget.
If you need something a bit more generic, maybe take a page from my (currently slightly neglected) playbook: weekly lump sums. We transfer in a certain amount each week. Those funds have to last seven days.
Rather than worry about budget categories, all you have to do is check your bank balance. If it’s still early in the week and the bank balance is low, you’ll rein yourself in (hopefully). Otherwise, you know things are generally okay.
And hey, you can work your way up (or back up) to the more detail-oriented stuff. Re-entry into personal finance is all about keeping things simple.
Have you experienced personal finance or frugal burnout? How did you deal with it?
Amanda says
Oh, man. I’m sorry to hear it, but I completely identify. I don’t automate anything. I like the control, but it does add a few more errands to my list every so often. Lately, I’ve been wrestling with the disappointment of not saving what I want to save. Life stuff/house stuff keeps coming up. Tires, dehumidifier, medical bills, a job expense I have to cover because I didn’t get the paperwork in two weeks ago…To deal with my stress, I’ve been “treating” myself to takeout, which just causes more financial stress! It’s a vicious cycle. I’m hoping to reset at the next paycheck, but I may not have decreased my 403b contribution amount enough to cover everything in one swoop.
Money. Sometimes it heals you and sometimes it wrecks you. Fickle mistress.
Amanda recently posted…The Real Work
NZ Muse says
Sometimes it heals you and sometimes it wrecks you.
Such wise words.
NZ Muse recently posted…7 reflections on money and financial resilience
Abigail says
Yep, convenience food, while a temporary (often much-needed) respite, then causes more stress. It’s a balance I fight to maintain. Usually not well. And I definitely feel your pain about home/car/medical bills obliterating your best-laid plans. Not being able to put away the hoped-for amount into savings is better than taking money out of savings, but it’s still disheartening as hell!
Brian @ Debt Discipline says
Yup, I’ve been there. Sorry to hear you dealing with it right now. I like to take a step back from it all for a bit. Obviously you can’t do that from paying your bills, but as far as reading, listening or writing on the topic. Sometimes just helps clear my head.
Brian @ Debt Discipline recently posted…Interview Series: Top Money Hacks
Abigail says
Yeah, a step away usually provides perspective and relief. So I’m trying to just deal with the minimum, and I don’t have the wherewithal to read other blogs. Which is good inre: stressing about money/comparing myself to others, but also worse because I get fewer ideas for post ideas. As with most things in life, it’s a mixed bag.
Lazy Man and Money says
I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten PF burnout. I’ve gotten burned out when it comes to reading about PF, but not doing PF.
I think the reason is that I do very little PF on a day to day basis. I don’t believe in budgeting, I just don’t buy frivolous stuff and things seem to work. I don’t spend time categorizing money spent or anything like that. I automate as much as possible, which can be nearly everything these days.
There’s a saying that “Perfect is the enemy of good.” For me, what I have set up is “good” (probably better than that). Maybe trying to be perfect or doing too much leads to burnout?
Abigail says
Haha, yep reading about PF can cause it’s own kind of burnout.
We also don’t budget, per se. We have that set weekly amount. And I do my best to keep us from spending frivolously. Unfortunately, sometimes that becomes necessary — either because of the convenience tax when we feel awful or when Tim’s ADD has an effect on what he deems necessary or a good deal. The former isn’t exactly frivolous, but it’s a money drain like you wouldn’t believe. The latter… Well, it’s a constant process.
Emily @ JohnJaneDoe says
That sounds like a really good way to address burnout when you just can’t get away from what’s causing it at all, and it’s hard to get away from managing your money. You might be able to take a vacation from it for a week or so, but like with so many things, ignoring it entirely for a bit can make the task much harder…and bigger. Doing just enough to keep things from piling up and giving yourself a break are about the best things you can do for yourself.
Emily @ JohnJaneDoe recently posted…Essential Tasks to Take Care of Your Family When Life Happens
Abigail says
Yep, I’m putting out the fires, but I’m giving myself permission to do the bare minimum. It will cause a bit of stress in the long run, but it’s easier to get back into the swing of things too.
Maggie @ Northern Expenditure says
I Feel you. And I’m glad you’re blogging about it. I get that burnout feeling when all my plans are sabotaged and then I just sabotage them more! YAY I can contribute to my Roth IRA! What? Car accident and medical bills? Grrrr…. I’m buying plane tickets! Welp… there goes my Roth IRA plans… I’m glad you’re doing things one step at a time. And keep documenting this time. It’s important to have a process written for ALL OF US when we feel that way that we can make it to the other side of it as well!
Abigail says
Ah yes, life’s little nasty surprises. Grumble grumble. I’m hoping to have enough money left over to contribute to a SEP, but I’m reeeaaally working on not depending on any one plan. Still hard not to get your hopes up for positive goals, though.
I’ll do my best to keep y’all apprised of the ongoing struggle. It’s good to have an account for future reference.
Lila says
Yes and mix that with PF blogging burnout!
Kinda refreshing to hear a PF blogger blog about PF burnout. So few PF bloggers want to even talk about their failures, probably the pressure of having to be a role model. But perfect role models are hard to relate to. So thanks for being real. ^_^
Abigail says
I’m so real it’s taking me 4 days to reply to comments! But seriously, I’m glad it helps (and I hear you on the blogging burnout too, when you don’t want to deal with money it’s hard to blog about it). If I weren’t honest about the strain, I think it’d be soooo much worse on my depression. So really it’s a sanity saver, but I’m glad it benefits you guys too.
Donna Freedman says
Feeling it right now, in fact. Working on talking myself down. This article helped.
Donna Freedman recently posted…Credit card debt got you down? You’re not alone
Abigail says
Yay!
teinegurl says
Hey a smart person said in her book capitalize on days you feel good for the days when you don’t feel so good. I’ve tried taking that advice to heart because I noticed even as a relatively healthy person with no medical issues or mental issues that it even helps me manage my stress as a single mom. So I noticed if im in a good mood and energetic I tend to cook at home or pre plan meals. If im feeling tired or burnout I tend to eat out more or have lazy dinners aka cereal. I’ve been trying to capitalize on that and work with it.
Also I agree with Lazy man where I don’t do PF every day. I tend to update my excel sheets around pay days which is every two weeks and I keep receipts in between that. I may get tired of reading about PF but even that I don’t read about every day maybe once a week. AND hey Abby i’ll read things you put on this blog *gasp* even if it’s not PF related at all. LOL im having Pandora pics withdrawals
Abigail says
Haha, yes she did dole out such sage wisdom! I’m glad it’s helping you. And yes, not worrying about it every day is definitely a good step toward not burning out.
Kristin says
I don’t think it was burnout in my case, but about a year ago, we had really bad cash flow problems (I am self-employed), and I took the ostrich approach for a few weeks. Of course, things got worse…but not too bad. One day, I just had to force myself to deal with it. This involved assessing the situation, and going to the bank to ask for some help, and for some forgiveness of fees. They didn’t forgive them all, but what they did forgive was a help. Also, I set up a line of credit, just in case. We have yet to use it. 🙂 I’ve kept on top of things since then, even when the news is not good. I learned my lesson, that I have to deal with reality or it just gets worse.
Abigail says
Ah yes, the ostrich approach and I are fast friends! It becomes necessary every once in a while. As long as it’s only a few days, I’m okay. If stretches past that, things definitely get dicey.
I’m glad you got some of the fees forgiven — and that you were able to forgive yourself for the ones that weren’t.
NZ Muse says
It happens. A lot. TO me, anyway. I’m currently in a good phase where I WANT to think about money, but honestly the majority of the past couple years I haven’t been tracking, haven’t been keeping on top of things, even thinking abut money depressed me.
NZ Muse recently posted…7 reflections on money and financial resilience
Abigail says
Well, your circumstances have put a big strain on your budget/relationship, which makes thinking about money depressing, frustration and overall unpleasant. So I think the past year is pretty understandable, really. I’m glad you’re in a good place now, but I guess we just have to remember that our difficulties are well earned.
Bethany D. says
Sorry you’re getting slammed with all this while still recovering. 🙁
When trying to work through burnout, another thing to consider is whether there are any structural changes you could make to simplify things. You are dealing with complex & unpredictable situations in both your Income and your Expenses. Have you considered trying the You Need A Budget’s approach of building enough of a buffer to save all the income from one month and then budget/spend it out for the next? That way you would have a nice, simple, total income available for the month (ie we earned a total of $3,333 in October) – with no guessing about when this check will clear or how much those ads will generate. Then use that total to budget for November, adjusting as necessary during the month. It takes time to build up that buffer amount and it takes discipline to not spend that money simply because it is there – but it makes the budgeting process SO much simpler and easier when you have that breathing room!
Abigail says
We’ve been too busy saving for the teeth to really try getting ahead by a month. But once I have some savings (not devoted to teeth) in our account, maybe I’ll consider that route. It definitely could relieve stress to a point, I suppose.
AuntLeesie says
Life’s been stressful for you, and burn out happens. There are a few things that can help prevent it. Most importantly, making room for a few personal “perks”. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive. It can be as easy as taking a drive. Phoenix is so close to Sedona, for example, and a drive through the red rocks is gorgeous. It’s a doable day trip. You saved mightily (and amazingly) for Tim’s dental implants. Budgeted for a pool table for him, and a puppy. So what about Abby? What would be a “perk” for you? I’ve read your mom’s blog for years and know she travels a few times per year, but also enjoys museums, music venues, etc. Those “perks” that help keep PF burnout at bay.
Abigail says
Yeah, it’s probably a good idea. But frankly right now a “perk” would just be not spending for a bit. Ugh. Every time I turn around it’s time to get the dog more food (puppies eat soooo much) or she outgrew the pet bed we originally got or… They’re not huge expenses, but they’re not small either. Stupid high-quality pet food!
I have a goal in mind for some fun money, but my hobby has honestly fallen by the wayside lately in the midst of the overall blahs. So I need to get back into that mode before I go putting much more money into/sucking up more space by adding to it.
We’re going to a comedy show on Friday and then a party on Saturday, both of which should be good stress relief. It’s just hard to get out of the “Don’t spend anything” mode, I think. Especially because I feel like we already spend plenty even in the “Don’t spend anything” mode due to disagreements on what’s necessary/worthwhile and due to just being too tired to do the less convenient method. Sigh.
Jennifer says
Does your bank offer mobile deposit? If not you should consider switching to one. I never go to the bank to deposit checks anymore. You can do it at midnight in your jammies! That would help your timeframe speed up a wee bit.
Abigail says
Our bank does offer mobile deposits, but there are monthly limits. Something like $2,000 for a personal account. I can’t remember what the business account’s deposit limit was, but it was less than my check. Hence the necessity to schlep ourselves to the bank. Which is actually only about 3 miles away, but it’s just one more thing to do…
Mustard Seed Money says
I have definitely been burned out before with PF.
For the most part I have automated all of my expenses so that I hardly have to think about it. I have worked it out so that I pay all of my expenses on the same day. It took a couple of minutes to call up all the companies to arrange it.
But once I did, I only had to worry about having enough money in the checking account to pay the bills once a month. It was a huge stress reducer and makes paying the bills less dreadful.
Anyway…hopefully this is just a phase and the burnout will subside soon. Thanks for sharing!!!
Mustard Seed Money recently posted…Guest Post on Northern Expenditure!
Abigail says
It always does subside, just like blogging burnout does. It’s just being especially slow this time.
Automating is always a great way to relieve stress. I just get nervous because of the variable arrival time of my check. I think automating would cause more mental/emotional harm than good.
Colin @ rebelwithaplan says
It took me a long while to realize that constantly beating myself up over not hitting my savings goals and debt repayment goals was doing more harm than good. I guess I got too influenced by all of those “paid off debt quickly” articles. I’m still being aggressive about it but learning to be at peace with myself sometimes.
Thank you so much for writing this! It really helped.
Abigail says
I’m so glad! And yes, reading other people’s success stories when you’re struggling can be disheartening. Especially because many of the people making huge amounts of headway have many advantages that you may or may not have: high income/dual income, low cost of living area, ability to side hustle extensively (or at all), good health, etc. We had a lot of things going against us while paying down debt, but even so we had a few big things that helped, like my mom letting us use her car whenever we needed and dropping by with stuff she got free/cheaply with coupons and sales, etc.
As I say a lot in my book (shameless plug!), we have to remember that we have a finite amount of energy/coping skills. We have to try not to waste those on beating ourselves up about things we can’t change. Easier said than done, but it’s about finding out what you *can* manage and moving forward with that. And telling the naysayers in your head to shaddup already. Out loud if necessary.
Lake Livin' says
Proud of you! I’d gotten way behind in paperwork recently because I just hadn’t been home long enough to tackle it and then last weekend was my big 4-0 birthday weekend. I knew some of our non-automated bills were coming due, so I made myself schlep through the giant pile of mail when I really wanted to go to bed. I got them paid but turns out one will be paid 1-2 days late. I panicked for a second, as I never let this kind of thing happen. Then I thought, “whatever, it’ll be a small charge” and went to bed and got on with my life. I have this need to be (try to be) perfect in all areas, so I’m trying to lighten up a bit.