Two weeks ago I wrote that I was struggling emotionally — and therefore also struggling to keep up with errands and cleaning.
And a lot of it is probably due to isolation.
All by myself (a lot, anyway)
Before this past Friday, I hadn’t seen my friends in person since we’d done our last backyard hangout four months ago. Cases got so high here, I think most of us weren’t comfortable meeting — even outdoors and distanced.
So Aaron has been my main way to avoid isolation. But his availability has been less than it was in the beginning. Partially work, partially a couple of COVID scares. (Though in two instances, I kept telling him those were allergy symptoms. But he wanted to be safe. Sweet but… ugh.)
As a result, Aaron and I have been seeing each other about every seven to 10 days. Which has of course been frustrating and not generally good for my mental health.
Avoiding isolation
That said, he’s expressed concern and is doing what he can to make seeing me an even higher priority than before. And it was already pretty high up there. So that’s promising.
A friend has offered to hang out with me outside whenever I need. It’s very kind of her, and I’ll try to take her up on it.
My friend Ryan made the same offer, though she lives 20 miles away and, like me doesn’t love driving. So I’ll probably be more hesitant to ask her.
Playing it safe
Even with those offers and Aaron’s concern, I asked my psychiatrist last Tuesday to increase the dosage on one of my medications. He agreed to go from 100 mg to 150 mg, which was a smaller jump than I expected. But he’s the expert so I guess we’ll see how it goes.
I started the higher dosage on Wednesday night and… I don’t know if it’s doing anything.
Results unclear
Usually, medication changes affect me within a day or two. According to a past nurse practitioner, it’s common with people who are Bipolar II. Or maybe it was just bipolar folks in general.
But Thursday I didn’t feel much different than before. I was more productive — especially with cleaning — but I had people coming over for the backyard hangout. Obviously, they were outside 99% of the time. But they did have to come in to use the bathroom, so I wanted the areas they’d see to look tidy.
Further confusing issue, I saw Aaron Thursday night to Friday morning. Physical contact (and kittens!!!) are obviously mood boosters.
So yes, I was very productive on Thursday and Friday, but my mood/productivity would have been elevated even without a dosage increase.
So what about Saturday? Emotionally, I was fine. But in-person time — even distanced — would have helped that. And I couldn’t judge based on productivity because I was exhausted from the previous two days.
As of Sunday morning, I’m feeling fine and have been a bit productive. I’m even going to attempt three errands, which is usually a lot for me.
But this boost could still be from the recent in-person time. Also, Aaron and I are going to try to see each other tonight, so that elevates my mood. Thus there’s no way of knowing how much the dosage increase is actually helping.
Does it matter?
In the end, you could argue that the source of the mood elevation is moot, as long as the elevation is there.
But.
Aaron’s workload is unpredictable. He hadn’t had two projects thrown at him simultaneously before, but there are sometimes technical issues that crop up that need attending to immediately, keeping him from being available. And he works out hard, so there are days when he’s unexpectedly sore/tired and isn’t up for being/having company.
Meanwhile, the soonest my friends and I can get together again would be three weeks from last Friday. Even that isn’t certain, since one of the gals will be getting her second vaccine shot the day before. So she may not be able to make it, and we try to find times that work for everyone.
So life may soon test where the mood boost is coming from. I’m not looking forward to that. But I’ll try to my friends up on their offers, especially if Aaron gets busy with work again.
Forced to wait anyway
But really, even if the boost weren’t happening, my psychiatrist would likely want me to wait a full month to see whether the increase did anything. So one way or the other, I’d have to monitor my mood for a few weeks.
Not my favorite situation to be in. But unless my mood were to take a supremely steep drop, I don’t foresee him being eager to increase the dosage.
Whee.
One other hope
Right now, if Arizona residents who volunteer at one of the two vaccine distribution centers will get the the first shot at the end of their shift, plus a card for scheduling the second one.
This isn’t ideal. Depending which facility I got into, I’d be on my feet either six or eight hours (and have to be there an hour beforehand too). Needless to say — even if fatigue weren’t a common side effect of the shot — I will be completely flat for a couple of days afterward. But it’d be worth it.
And of course, the slots are extremely hard to get.
A friend wrote a script to scan one of the two websites for any available slots every 60 seconds. It then alerts us via text. It’s texted us four times, but each time the slot was already filled. One of the times, the slot even showed as vacant and I got really excited. But as soon as I clicked on it, a pop-up message said it was filled. Sigh.
But hopefully I’ll get lucky one of these times. And whole new days will open up at some point, which will give me a better shot at getting an opportunity.
How’s everyone else holding up?
Sam says
I’m feeling lonely all day, but trying to get outside more. Maybe just meet weekly with whoever can from your friend group. Waiting for everyone’s schedules could be a perpetual challenge that can’t be solved, and exasperates the isolation problem perhaps. Best wishes that you get the vaccine sooner than later.
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Abigail says
Yeah, Leila and I may meet more often and we can just sort of give people the heads up that it’s happening if they want to join. I think that’s probably the best solution, while we wait for everyone to be available at once.
Donna Freedman says
Pandemic fatigue — and I live with someone!
Just want things to be semi-hemi-demi-normal again. And of course I worry about the economy and how/whether it will recover or need to rewrite itself.
On the whole I’m aware that I’m lucky. But as Sinclair Lewis noted, no one has ever obtained any lasting satisfaction from the knowledge that other people have it worse.
Donna Freedman recently posted…Monday miscellany: Love and money edition.
Abigail says
That’s a good quote to remember. And yes, I’m luckier than many but I think at this point we’re all pretty rough around the edges. Even introverts who don’t like to go out or deal with people. So let’s hope those vaccines keep comin’.
Nancy says
Donna,
Love the Sinclair Lewis quote.
Nancy says
Abby,
I’m with you on “Keep those vaccines coming”.
Teinegurl says
I hope you can get the shot soon and for myself as well. I’m hopefully going into March also with Johnson & Johnson vaccines getting approved that it will open up more availability for everyone that wants it.
Abigail says
More availability would be lovely! I’m still hoping for that volunteer opportunity. But we’re now at seven times that the script has texted me and opportunities were nowhere to be found. Sigh.
Jenny says
I heard that AZ is now allowing 55 and older to have vaccines. I haven’t confirmed this yet, but it is a step in the right direction. I know you’re not close to 55 yet, but hopefully general public will be next.
Abigail says
Yep, it’s 55 and up now. So I think the general population is going to get it much sooner than my late summer projection. Which is heartening.
Nancy says
Crashed and burned yesterday, Sunday.
Slept all day, afternoon, evening, with brief breaks for bathroom and a little food.
Exhausted from erratic sleep, pain from back injury by lifting a grocery basket a week ago and other body aches, and a headache.
Tired of repetitious news that does not really give you any information and gives it to you in dribs and drabs, stupid weather reports that you have to watch all three weather segments of the newscasts to get the forecast, missing family and friends, house and car and laundry all a mess.
Even getting into the car to go to the gym for exercise seems overwhelming.
Better today after all of the rest, and an 800 Ibuprofen, and a very strong cup of coffee. Stomach will probably hurt later, but lovely to be pain-free and not exhausted.
A favorite uncle died and an aunt went to live in assisted living. At least we could hold a funeral.
PA is a mess covid shot wise; multiple websites with info and appointments but no one has any vaccines. I will NOT register for, and check daily all of these websites and chase it down. Bad enough to make you grind your teeth!
February 2021 was not a good month.
I think I need to bake or buy a rich chocolate cake, because I am craving it, and have been for about a day and a half.
Will get out of the house tonight for some stretching exercises at the gym, and a Zumba class. I usually feel better after exercise classes.
I usually feel better to get out of the house, even if only to sit in library parking lot for good internet signal on my phone. Going to try that again today.
Paula says
“Tired of repetitious news that does not really give you any information and gives it to you in dribs and drabs, stupid weather reports that you have to watch all three weather segments of the newscasts to get the forecast, missing family and friends, house and car and laundry all a mess.”
THIS
Abigail says
Yup, I think that sums it up quite a bit. I just check the weather app rather than wait for the news because it’s so much easier. But the rest… Pretty accurate.
Nancy says
Weather app – got one on my desktop! You are brilliant!!!!
Abigail says
Sorry so many things are so hard right now, and I’m sorry about your uncle. The aunt moving into a home must’ve been difficult too. It’s just… overwhelming. I hope you get a break — and some cake — soon. It sounds like you more than deserve it.
David @ Filled With Money says
I am holding up awfully due to the pandemic as well. I see the number of cases absolutely plummeting down to Earth which gives me hope that we may hopefully leave the house by mid summer.
However, I’ve seen cases plummet before as well only to have it go back up and reach all time highs because of people’s refusal to socially distance. I am eternally hopeful that we see a way out some time.
David @ Filled With Money recently posted…Contrary to Popular Belief, Life is Long, Not Short
Abigail says
Cases here have dropped significantly too, though the deaths are still catching up. Sigh. I think certainly some people will go back into the world again, thinking it’s safe now that cases are down, but I’m hopefully that as the vaccines reach more and more people, that will keep any spikes lower.
I’m sorry it’s so hard right now. I think after a year of this crap, no one is really holding up well. But we all keep hitting walls, too, so sometimes things feel even worse than they have. Which is pretty bad indeed. Hang in there, and we can all have a nice quiet breakdown when we get shots to the people who want them.
Jenny says
I felt like crap last week, but I’m feeling better this week. I did a lot of hiking over the weekend and that has helped alleviate some stress. I have been cooking healthy meals and started back with my trainer after a week off. Hopefully things will get back to normal and I’ll feel better soon.
Abigail says
Sorry to hear that.
I have steadfastly refused/avoided agreeing to hiking in the past. So I must really like Aaron because a while ago, I suggested we could give it a try. But I kept saying I wanted to wait until I was back working out so my legs would be stronger. But it’s completely uncertain whether I’ll get back into exercising any time soon, so I told him we should just suck it up and do it this weekend — though I’m insisting we start with a 2 mile one to test out my leg strength. My friend Leila is going to join us either this time or next time. The fresh air and sunshine (even with sunscreen) will probably help my mood.
I also found out that I can get into a gym for free with my Medicare Part D plan, so I asked Aaron if when we see each other, we could try to go to the gym together in the morning. I told him I don’t need to him to babysit me and neglect his workout. I just need someone to get me to actually go. It’ll suck because I never get quite enough sleep when I see him. But if I just do strength training — and start light — I think maybe it and/or the hiking could be the jumpstart I need to get back to working out. Maybe. It’s worth a shot.
Nancy says
I’m liking the Silver Sneakers class, even though I am younger than most people in the class. Some days I use it as the warm up for the following, more intense class.
Cindy Brick says
Could be the season’s disagreeing with you, as well. This time of year (not quite early spring, not quite winter), I tend to feel a little blue, anyways.
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